So, there are times I’m at a clinic where there is little privacy. Such as my acupuncturist and physio work simultaneously. At times, you zone out, like when you work in an open-air office. You hear someone telling the Physiotherapist explaining the pain someone is experiencing is coming from somewhere completely different. After some massage of the affected area, they are sent on their way and I hear them ask “what if it keeps hurting?” And I hear him say to stop what they are doing. My impulse control proves lacking when I mutter from behind the curtain “more pain” insane!
Other times, a woman asks the younger physio if he’s going to use needles. He joyfully responds “first we’re going to electrocute you! Then we’re going to stab you!” He does dry needling. She murmurs her reply…
Again, waiting to create some humour, I call out “put me down for some of that.” And they laugh
To be clear, I’ve heard that physio use that line dozens of times and I could help it no longer.
Other times my impulse control is very useful for others present.
In my late 20’s I was sitting in a GP’s clinic waiting room in the country. A mum came in with her son, who was about 6 years old, my mum was there also. The young boy asked his mum a very strange question. “Mum, what’s an Orgasm?”
Oh, dear God! She looked so uncomfortable. I raised my hand off my knee in a gesture and met her eyes and offered “I can do that one if you like?” She let me take it, but I’m sure she was holding her breathe, I looked at the boy and said “You know when you’re going to sneeze? And it feels really good, but you’re not sure if you’re going to sneeze? It builds up? Eventually you sneeze and you are relieved?”Snee
The boy looked at me like he understood and he seemed happy.
The mum looked equally relieved.
Kinda felt like I’d had an Atticus Finch moment as I’d explained the sensation without divulging too much. He must have heard the word somewhere. (I don’t know where the 6-year-old kid heard the word Orgasm…)
I’m sure my mum thought I’d not have gotten involved. Sometime, I think my problem with certain thoughts work out better than expected….
I suspect incompetence does my head in, because while I have a ‘busy-brain’ I imagine it’s part of my ‘high-functioning’ ABI that needs me to be very organised and I cope better when services I rely on are organised too.
My services today were fudged (Go Helen) up in so many ways, this morning I ended up not going to the DDAC (Darebin Disability Advisory Committee) meeting and I was so grumpy when one incompetent staff member (who rang me between) asked how I was, I was blunt and honest and growled ‘NOT Great since you guys stuffed up my carer this morning!’
He asked me what happened and I so didn’t have it in me to explain to another person I grumbled ‘NO, you rang me, what for?
Poor bastard!
Eventually I was told a Maria (Carer) would be here ASAP! I presumed it would be my regular who I’ve had the last two mornings.
Twenty minutes later a woman I’d never met arrived who did do a great job despite never having met me before or probably had changed kitty litter before.
No, I don’t use the kitty litter, but my carers change my cat’s kitty litter while I’m in the shower.
Another weird week has passed! Finished three comics and felt a moment of joy at this until I saw an advert for a Comic Con, in the States. The advert stating “Coming in September in 2015!” Growl!
Went out for dinner Tuesday night with some friends. Damo and my Boo. More later on Damo, however my Boo is one of my lovely gay friends who takes us out every now and again for adventures. We went to a ‘Place’ for dinner, prompting me to give people a pop quiz.
What suburb was this place in and what food did they specialise in? It was called Coburger and Co. Hint: There is a suburb in the North of Melbourne called Coburg. This pop quiz really threw a few people and they live here.
It’s going to be a monthly adventure ongoing as it’s good to catch up with friends and have a laugh. My chicken burger with Kim chi set my mouth on Fire!
Wednesday for some crazy reason, I had a weird song in my head that I proceeded to share with Young John and Maria my Chiro who I’ve been seeing for over 12 years.
This song is a bit of an ear-worm so it quickly prompted her to thank me because she couldn’t get it out of her head either. Your welcome! Try the link at the bottom for a taste of Aussie/wog culture from the 80’s! As I prompted Young John….feel free to join in!
This week I decided to call my father. I only see him once a year. The only time I speak to him is if and when I call him. I attempted to express how much I needed his help. How I’ve spent money on new pants in time for winter ($24). How often I do my laundry so I can utilise my warmest tops. I even attempted to express how my fur-baby had been good for my mental health. Let me just say I used to be much better at guilting my father into helping me, because it would seem that’s my role in our family. I will also say it was half an hour of my life I will never get back!
Thought I would have a nice Thursday at home, but while I was at home I instead spent the afternoon chasing up services that didn’t just happen. Really wish my service providers would get their shit together to do their jobs.
Friday morning, I had a visit from a vampire. Taking my blood for a barrage of tests. Said vampire asked when I would see my GP again? It’s ok, if there’s anything noteworthy he will call me. Just checking up on the iron levels and such and the crazy lady hormones.
Not sure if I’ve expressed sufficiently how cold my home is in winter or the cheek I have with my carers however, Friday I gave my carer the Coo-Wee! That signalled I was ready for her help in the bathroom and after a deafening silence I heard the doorbell. Not uncommon however Aunty Christine was in the house this day and she has been one of my regulars for over 4 years. So, only able to throw a towel over one shoulder I padded bare ass naked really to the front door to let her back in. Steam coming off my very warm body and prompting Aunty Christine that she was not yet ready for her apprenticeship to be done.
Come a September I lose these carers I’ve had for the longest. I don’t have any new girls who I imagine will take their place.
Had an extra visit to my favourite cafe with my Friday afternoon carer so that was nice. Home again and smashed out a large slow cooker batch of minestrone the yield was about 8 Passatta bottles (300mls each). It’s always nice to gift someone a bottle of soup in winter when they have done something nice for me. I’m such a Nonna. (BT Dubs, that’s an Italian Grandmother!) I now need to offload half of the minestrone so I can make a batch of bolognaise sauce. Have I mentioned I don’t know how to cook for just one?
Now, despite my best efforts at times at avoiding lifting my slow cooker there are times carers don’t turn up or I can’t find someone to lift the very heavy ceramic bowl up onto the bench or to the sink to soak before washing etc. I imagine I lifted it about five times, which is about half the amount of times it moved in order for me to use it and empty every last drop of the minestrone soup from it. I shouldn’t lift it at all obviously so I do love when I have a carer my age who complains about how heavy it is. I nip their cries in the bud quickly stating “Tell me about it. I moved it one-handed!”
I don’t make a habit of lifting heavy things one handed anymore as I think I can blame doing this for my disc-bulge surgery back in 2011. There are times now when I forget how long that year was getting diagnosed, suitably medicated and eventually surgery on 11/11/11, when I get some stabbing sensation in my lower back and I realise I’ve got to stop lifting heavy things and I’m really not ready for another year existing only by spending all my time lying on my bed.
Single girl date night I watched Trainspotting 2, the sequel to the 90’s film Trainspotting. Not as shocking as the first but a 20-year reunion to see what happened to these characters.
Meanwhile, another week passes and a nice busy week coming. Winter in Melbourne and wet. Super!
Should mention the best way to survive winter in Melbourne is layers, layers and layers. Oh, wool jacket, umbrella and great coffee! Handy hint if coming to town! I’ve been wearing wool under my jackets for months, I can only go one further by wearing my long-sleeved wool jacket under my heavier jacket. It’s already next Level.
The only upside is the very brilliant TV series filmed in Melbourne called Offspring has returned. If you have the opportunity watch it!
Melbourne
Hell onWheels/Life One Handed 