Hell’s 49 Turns 50

So, for anyone that paid attention to my subliminal messages in the recent weeks. Certainly no one commented on it. You all likely played along and wondered when it would end. Yeah, thanks for your support.

And the difference between last week and this week is, I turned 50. Seriously, when did this happen? How? I’m not complaining about being the Big 5-Oh! Given the alternative, 50 or dead! I’ll take 50. I always quote something I remember from my youth “Die young and have a food looking corpse!” Dark right? Now I say that and finish like this “Die young and have a good-looking corpse! I left it too late” But alas, here we are. 50 looks like 49 and before that 48.

50 doesn’t look any different. I still am not married. Like that’s the benchmark of success in life. No kids, No mortgage, No hassles, right? Yet it still feels a little lack-lustres, my birthday every year pretty much sucks. In the process of planning my father’s funeral my older sister became aware that my younger sister that passed very young was actually born on my 8th birthday. We celebrated one birthday together both of us miserably sick and not long later my baby sister was gone. Its only taken my mum thirty something years to say out loud she is the closest thing I’ve had to a child of my own, yeah. There’s that dysfunction.

While every year I’m left wondering if family can’t get on board celebrating my birthday because my younger sister is not here.

My older sister did manage to keep my actual birthday free of dad’s funeral and discussion. It was still a sad day.

Dark Stuff to deal with around my 50th isn’t it. Note. Not a question. Feel free to hit me with a Like.