Salami

Published December 10, 2015 by helentastic67

Salami 1

Salami

Or as I like to call it ‘Salamia’!

There are many words I like to pronounce incorrectly. Life should be fun that way…

Anyway, Salami is getting quite the bad rap these days. It causes cancer and shortens life.

I’m a big fan of Salami being a little bit wog!

Salami is a standard on a Saturday in my house and if I’m lucky another day during the week if I’m home…

No one is saying if the difference between eating Salami is a shorter life by say six months off my life every time I eat Salami?

I think you have worked out already I’m not giving up my Saturday meat that MUST HAVE SALAMI!

And we all die, right? And we will die regardless of if we eat processed meats. Might as well die well fed…

But if someone can do the maths for me.

Every time I eat Salami, do I lose 6 months or 5 years simply because I eat the stuff!

I’ve just worked out part of my income runs out at 60! Not 67, as previously thought!

But 60!

So, in order to maintain this wonderful frivolous existence I must promptly die at 60!

And then I’m also thinking; “That’s 17 more years of this bullshit existence!”

Better eat more Salami!

Diagnosis

Published December 8, 2015 by helentastic67

Diagnosis 2

Diagnosis

“Now tell me, what’s wrong with you?” a shoulder specialist asked me once. You might immediately think my shoulder, correct? Since that was his specialty.

But there’s that thing all medical personal do when ‘assess you!’

To which I replied “How long have you got?”

But first I must digress.

In my early 30’s as you may have read I was working as an Admin Assistant for an NGO. You know, “Admin” it’s that term meaning you do EVERYTHING that is delegated to you and some for really crappy pay.

Oh, I loved that job! I was really good at that job!

Anyway, work became stressful (another time) and my left arm which had always “worked” lost some of its strength and dexterity…

I struggled to touch type, so I hid this by typing very efficiently one handed and tried to hide my weak left arm by sitting my elbow on the desk or in my lap. If I answered the phone left handed I really knocked myself out putting the phone to my ear…

I had a colleague who had a son my age with MS, No! I don’t have MS (Multiple Sclerosis)

Honestly, I think that would be worse than what I have…

So, everyday Tony, my colleague would ask me if I’d seen my doctor yet?

What? I don’t have a doctor…

Actually I had a GP, whom I didn’t like much, so I got a new GP not long before and made a list.

On the bottom I said list was my left arm! I explained the occasional weakness that I’d had for years that came and went…

His response was immediate and he didn’t seem to need any further explanation.

He stated “Ok, let’s get a CT scan!”

I was a little surprised. Booked the appointment not knowing what to expect and went one morning on my way to work.

They injected ‘contrast’ into my arm and when I loaded myself up with all of my bags and carefully navigated the stairs to get back down to the ground floor. The technician watched me very carefully…

I could do stairs rather easily back then, but words from the wise, when the technician watches you like a hawk, he knows something already that you don’t know!

And it’s probably not good new…

Life Review

Published December 3, 2015 by helentastic67

Life Review 1

Life Review

So, I’m now at a time in my life where you take a little “stock” of what you (me in this case) of what I’ve achieved and tallied the successes I’ve celebrated.

Completely heightened by a recent 25 year High School reunion that I did attend.

The current Premier of Victoria, Daniel Andrews was from my High School and what I’ve managed to achieve in life doesn’t add up to much at all. Except to say I have survived.

I know I’ve yet to divulge what exactly my medical condition is or my disability and that has been on purpose.

Rest assured all shall soon be revealed.

So, stocktake, I guess I’ve always been a bit of a free-spirit. I had ideas of how I thought light might go, but perhaps not how I would get there.

When I was younger, I thought life would just naturally fall into place and perhaps this was what was meant to happen because I’m still here!

I honestly thought I’d be married with kids “living the dream” by 30.

I wanted to have my own business “something” in the realm of Interior Decoration.

I studied something else. I studied the one thing that would have been better if I’d been a gay man! Two things ‘I’m not!’ I studied Visual merchandising (Window dressing).

It did teach me, I would not cut it with technical drawing.

And the whole married with kid’s thing, well in recent years, I’ve learnt that my medical condition, pregnancy could have been deadly.

Alas, I also did not meet my ‘husband’.

Here’s hoping – yet!

Friends of yesteryear and I would joke – he was lost!

But anyway, not doing this blog to find a husband…

But still assessing what the rest of life should include…

I do not work. All the things I have done for income in the past, I can no longer do and the NDIS would see us all being able to work again.

It’s a nice dream however, I struggle to get out of bed every day! And I struggle to stay out of bed every day!

The aim every day is to make it to the end of the day and not fall over! To still feel the parts of my body I make work that only work because I make them…

And to make it to the next day!

Life seems small these days!

I get to appointments that help me live. I create social connections at these appointments because over time they have gotten to know me and who I used to be…

But rest assured if I didn’t pay for services at those places, they would not have the time to be ‘friends’ with me outside of “work”.

So to the future, it’s a work in progress and please join me on the adventure…

Hell’s Treats

Published November 27, 2015 by helentastic67

Ginger Kisses Hell’s Treats

So, for many years now I’ve made my ‘treats’ and given them away. I’ve done this because it motivated me and giving something yummy to people is a nice thing to do. For about 6 or 7 years I did this every month to some of the ABI groups I go to and to my neighbours where I live so I can introduce myself and they can know who I am and what I’m about.

About 2 years ago I made the decision I could no longer afford to give these treats away and that being generous was making me poor. Sorry poorer (is that even a word?) and I was told I would need to start listing my ingredients and to do a food handling certificate. The first, I said “Hell NO” and the second I said “find me some funding” and that never happened.

I assure you, I come from good CWA (Country Women’s Association) stock.

If you want to risk it, I suggest you get out an Epi pen and train a colleague and give it a try.

I really favour my favour my Ginger Kisses as even one-handed they are easy to make, even if I start the filling late on a Sunday night I can still find the energy at 1am to smash out 3 packets before going to bed.

Please help support my Independence!

Occasionally I’ll make a packet mix and when I do you will forgive me. I’ll not tell you it’s a packet mix, but when I make something from scratch I will definitely tell you.

There is a recipe I like to make that has a difficulty rating 20+.

Because it has many ingredients and they all require careful measuring. Tablespoon of vanilla essence, 1/4 teaspoon bicarb soda or baking powder.

Try doing that one handed!

Yes! ONE HANDED!

And you can get back to me with your grumpy attitude about occasionally smashing out a packet mix. This particular recipe I love to offer people – guess the secret ingredient?

No! Straight out. IT IS NOT POT! MARIJUANA OR MARY JANE. Not my thing, but I imagine if I could afford it I wouldn’t be giving it away.

I’m yet to cost these so that’s going to be a while.

And when I do make a packet mix if asked I will admit, this by muttering it out the corner of my mouth so it’s mostly indistinguishable. Such is my shame.