Carer Hunter/Gatherer

My carer often leaves me in the car to do my hunter/gathering. She leaves the keys, so I tell her every time without fail “if some hot guy comes along, I’ll offer him me and your car!” followed swiftly by, you will return. Your car will be gone and I’ll be standing here dejected and I offered him so much.

We know that Self-deprecating humour is wrong, thanks Hannah Gatsby, but often it’s my default setting.