Catch-up

Inconsistency

Wow, anyone noticed lately I’ve been a little less than consistent? Yeah, I really don’t like being inconsistent. I’m actually always found ways to have routine, even when I did not have study or a full-time job, I built things and life into a routine. Maybe building this and consistency made it easy to keep my AVM be unnoticed for so long. Maybe it’s how I coped. Or the signs of it, I don’t know, it’s a working theory.

So, if you have been following, you know there has been chaos, emotional trauma and grief and my normal routine has been thrown out of whack.

Two brief visits to the country have meant returning home I’ve needed a week just to catch back up on the normal. People assume having carers is set and forget but it requires ongoing maintenance. Having events out of the norm means shuffling, more intensive organising stuff, Admin, housekeeping. It all starts to back up on me. Mail, letters that require action grows, phone calls, emails, new groups plus Zooming.

In times of stress, I’ve always needed more sleep and every now and again I get a migraine where I just can’t function and I’m in bed by 3.30pm and I’m hungover for days despite deadlines and events.

On Thursday last week I went to the AGM of the NGO I’ve volunteered with for over ten years. I’ve been a voting member for 4-6 of those. You member the group that was under valuing me and bullying me. Yeah, that one! I stepped down. Even by choice, with all the other grief and stuff in life to deal with, it was a tear in the corner of my eye moment. I was asked to stand so a room full of mostly strangers could see who I was and asked if I wanted to say something. I did but wasn’t in any state to speak. Nor, would they have wanted to hear what I would have said.

Add to this my carer wore perfume that day. She made the statement “it was her thing!” I’m like, “Get another thing!” And then the migraine to boot.

On the Sunday, I did a BBQ gathering in a local park to celebrate my recent 5-Oh! And upon arrival found the BBQs did not work.

Having some WTF Moments of late, and not coping. Things continue to slip. It’s now practically Wednesday and Tuesday came with two carers arriving because I forgot to cancel one and it allowed me to do some outsourcing and some catching up. My small stack of hospital referrals and letters for appointments has gone. And while this is not the post I’d intended; I will start on the next. A BIG AWARD TO BE REVEALED! Some updates on all the important things and finding new ways to write since I’ve got bigger issues with my one good hand.

TO BE CONTINUED………

Soulmates

Many years ago, when discussing soulmates with a female friend, back in our 20’s when one of us (ME) still believed in soul mates.

I remember throwing the idea around with her, where was this soulmate?

We decided and wholeheartedly agreed. He was lost.

I may have mentioned this?

I suggested, did he need a Melway’s?

It’s the thing on paper we used to navigate Melbourne before Google Maps.

Yes, someone pointed out Google Maps said friend replied. My soulmate needed an inter-galactic Melways.

What I have found in recent years is a few old club male friends I never thought to date, I only ever saw them as friends, have reached out and wanted to ‘catch-up’ with me. One of those even had a medical condition all his own he had dealt with. (Now, 10 years in remission).

The difference being, he had a partner to support him. He had children he could still work; he could even continue to study. He told me he understood my disability and to call on him anytime I needed something. Have I heard from him again? No don’t be ridiculous.