The Things I Missed

After the recent radio interview, I recalled other things that add to my disability, even I just take it on the chin and get up and keep going.

Shortly after my disability, I had a little fall at the front of my home. My left foot got caught behind the supporting post of the fence to the balcony of the front veranda of the terrace house. It was a ground floor only terrace before you get too excited. and when I fell, I hit my head against the brick wall, also hitting my left shoulder. When I fell, I hurt myself so much that I let out a mauling noise my mum heard from the lounge room, coming to my aid. She called out “what have you done now?” As she walked down the hallway, I levered myself up using the gate under my tummy to get my feet under me then stood up.

Across the road the friendly neighbourhood lookout was on his chair on his balcony. He looked poised to get up and come to my rescue. I waved him away that I was ok. My mum was only down at that time because I’d been in hospital having had my disc-bulge surgery. So, my shoulder has forever been dislocated, or Sub-Luxed. But not. Are you confused? Yeah, me too.

My shoulder is out more than not. If I’d hit my right shoulder, it would have been knocked out of its socket. It would have been put back in, had surgery, strapped up. It would have gotten better. But my left shoulder? It was pushed out of the socket, but the shoulder muscles stretched to move with the shoulder and because those muscles act like an old elastic band they stretched and the muscle tone no longer exists to hold the shoulder in place, if it was put back in.

Early days I went to emergency, I went to the counter and told the nurse behind the Perspex glass why I was there, I’m good at this stuff these days. FYI: Use all the trigger words. I’ve got an ABI and I was there this time for a dislocated shoulder. She turned towards the back of the staff area calling out “dislocated shoulder!”

It was rather amusing really; I was seen to eventually. Lots of “Does it hurt?” and surprised because it doesn’t but it could be on account of my complete left sided hemi. I have limited sensation on my left. Who knew that would come in handy? Fuck all that could be done. I was given a sling that barely seemed to fit and sent on my way. Basically, mum encouraged me to go see a shoulder surgeon.

I finally got to see the inside of a beautiful building in The Avenue in Windsor and he effectively started with “Now, what’s wrong with you?” and I asked him “How long have we got?”

He told me surgery wouldn’t help as I didn’t have the muscle tone to keep my shoulder in place and surgery would give me secondary problems across my back. When I’m out I wear my left arm in a sling called a Cuff and Collar, or a Collar and cuff. Physios all look to each other when I enter a physio/rehab clinic like who is going to explain to this one why we do not prescribe to wearing those, I remind them I’m carrying around dead weight that drags and pulls on all the muscles up to my neck, adding to my migraines and the added secondary problems I think I have already across my back. Seems I got those without surgery.

So, if you haven’t got it sussed already. Problems arise all the time you seek treatment, sometimes those issues are resolved, but there is always the potential of other undiagnosed problems you don’t yet know about and you are always needing to do the Pro’s versus Con’s game to work out if you fix the thing and hope there isn’t something else around the corner? Or can I live with this and for how long?