Hot off the Press – 22nd May 2023

Published May 22, 2023 by helentastic67

Hot off the Press

OK, I guess another Hot Off the Press is required and today it comes as a form of confession. Not that I thought I was invincible for having avoided catching the Plague. You should be familiar with my term for Covid 19? Yes, that’s the one. Or my predilection for referring to the RAT as a Pregnancy test, by that it looks a lot like an actual Pregnancy Test. Again, not that I’ve ever done one of those.

Alas, I almost made it to May 10, 2023, so close. Alas, I tested “Pregnant!” on a Wednesday morning and we had to cancel rather a few appointments. Including reluctantly my early chiropractor’s appointment. To my further annoyance because it felt like every rib was not where they should be. But, alas, I couldn’t live with myself should I pass it onto anybody else let alone someone more at risk than myself.

I have had all five vaccines for the Plague and every single one came with issues to book, be eligible, get transport to and from and originally to have access to the appropriate vaccine my GP had insisted I have and only that particular vaccine. Originally it was only the Astra Zenica (or the AZ!) I was told from day dot to only get the Pffizer. (Or a Fizzer! As I called it) I was too YOUNG to qualify originally.

Overall, my experience of the actual Plague, I’m not really complaining. Remember in the early days of Covid? Yeah, lots of those people are not here to tell the tale. So, my mild cold-like-symptoms, I was fine. I hunkered down and settled into isolation. Took more juice and echinacea than I’ve had for a while but after the initial cancelling of all my appointments, only one carer chose not to risk coming. I had two days that week without carers. One of my two agencies could not cover a shift and then the Friday, same issue and my Girl Friday couldn’t risk it. I didn’t panic and test every day like many people like to do. The mandates at the time were to isolate five days. My next appointment was the following Tuesday and thankfully I tested negative and I was able to get to podiatry. Thankful as I had toenails like dragon claws. My podiatrist sees far worse, but I have my own standards. I also would have been fine to stay at home a few more days.

I’ve been dealing with a very annoying wheeze and that’s it. Plenty of Ventolin and my chiropractor giving my lungs a good pounding last Wednesday. I’ve been doing nothing but catch up ever since.

Remember those early days of the vaccine when people were being encouraged to get out and catch COVID’s? Don’t know about elsewhere but the media had it obvious they were to encourage everyone to go out and get it. And if they hadn’t had it, they needed to get out there and get amongst it. Ok, the younger people were being told/shamed for not getting out and being sociable. I guess the government was after Herd Immunity and then on the other hand, I had a new carer last week that had had the Plague 7 times! 7! That’s 6 times too many, right?

You may ask how I got the Plague? I think it was the last comedy show I was at. It was the Daniel Sloss gig at a Convention Centre where I was among 5,500 people. My friend didn’t get it. No idea how. He was sitting right beside me and drove us there and home again. I am just happy he didn’t get it. I have my last comedy show this week, the Melbourne International Comedy show has finished but I’ll tell you about my last comedy event in next week’s post to be sure.

Brilliant Idea

Published December 4, 2022 by helentastic67

Brilliant Idea

Last night I was talking to a friend who works in a hospital. She is dealing with the continued spread of the Plague as I prefer to call it.

I’m still Plague 0/Hell doesn’t know how to accurately do sporting scores, let’s just say I’ve not had the Plague and I’m not complaining.

And I don’t think it’s just because of the four Pfizer, I’m also not wearing a mask unless I absolutely must and the current mandates indicate you no longer need to isolate if you have the Plague, since WHEN. I tell you.

If someone, anyone is sick with something infectious or contagious, please stay home. So, I digress, my friend said people go visiting friends in hospital and don’t wear a mask, or don’t wear it properly. So, more people are getting the Plague, are in hospital already.

So, I had a suggestion, a condition of entry should be
NO MASK! NO PANTS!

Thoughts, anyone?
Exactly!!!!!!!

Secret Message

Published September 5, 2022 by helentastic67

Secret Message

Today, a little secret addition, a subliminal message, imbedded in each post for a bit, see if you can pick it and comment. Hang on there and all will be revealed. (No evil intent I assure you all)

As last week I promised an update on my latest fall and a surgery. Generally, when all I have to do Is put my left foot back, I will be guaranteed to fall. Without fail.

I had taken just a step out of my shower in my ensuite and noticing water snaking across the floor I twisted slightly to reach for the mop that resides there just for this purpose and I think I put a rib out while losing my balance, I started to fall. Like in slow-motion, straight down onto my Ass. I luckily manage not to flail my arms and legs about so that’s something. I did collect the shower stool on my way down on my left, in two places on my back. That didn’t tickle, even weeks later.

My carer came hearing the ruckus and asked two very important questions. 1) Was I alright? Yes, as I wriggled and made squelching noises on the floor of the shower having just missed the ridge of the shower base. That could have been very uncomfortable. And 2) did I want her to call an Ambulance? Hell NO! FYI, they do not get you up and set you on your feet then leave. They get you up and take you to hospital.

My left leg was caught on the edge of the shower screen, the bathroom heater had to be turned off as I would like, burn my left leg before I felt it. Wet! Naked! And trying to work out how I was going to get up. (Try not to imagine that.) It took half an hour for me to commit, the best way for me to get up is to make things worse before they get better. I had to grab my left arm and roll over onto my stomach. Then, up onto my right hand and knees. Bathmat under my knees because the tiles really hurt. I could not straighten my body and I called my carer who I had, had to direct to sit in the chair I had asked her to bring in to my already cosy ensuite. It ended up giving her something to do as the things she had suggested I grab hold of would have made things worse not better. Once more upright, I lifted my right foot to put it under me, my right elbow on the edge of the handbasin and I levered myself up. Ironically, by the time my carer was assisting to dry me, I was already dry.

I had two small patches on my beck, hip and near my scapula that required our family’s Gypsy cream. (To be explained later) Oh, bruised and sore, actually sorer than my bruises suggested I continued my morning as usual and my carer departed. I undid the appointments I had been scheduling at the start of my next shift just close to home. My next carer arrived and as I groaned and swore my way out of my apartment, down the lift, I got halfway to the front door to go out and do my shopping and my carer asked just the right number of times before it was crystal clear I should stay home and let her do my hunter/gathering.

Later that afternoon, I had my weekly chiro appointment, I did get out for and I couldn’t even lie down on the table. She was kind enough to bring the table up to me, before putting it back down. The powers I refer to as the rocket ship launcher she used a lot back in 2011 when I was awaiting disc bulge surgery.

So, I posted a comment about my fall to socials, you know like you do, I got a comment from a family member suggesting I get a bathmat. As in the rubber kind, I replied “have one. Didn’t fucking help!” Is it wrong I imagined family might call to check if I was OK? That did not happen.

On the upside, being sore and bruised meant I could stay home and avoid getting the plague. Elective surgeries get pushed to the back after all the crazy Covid restrictions, don’t need to get bumped by getting the Plague now.

Had the surgery at a Women’s hospital, so being that I’ll keep the details to a minimum. Not a question. Before the surgery, I was told it would hurt as much as surgery to my Virginia. Ladies, sorry if your eyes just watered. Any male readers? Deal with it! Um, meanwhile, thankfully I have not had that kinda surgery, so I wanted another example. She walked away. OK then.

So, a few more weeks I’ve been mostly housebound, happily catching up on TV and sleeping. There is never enough.

This was my second surgery I’ve had this year, but you will need to wait to hear about that one. It was far less torturous in compassion. To be continued…

Lastly, anyone asks what my surgery was about. I’ve been telling them these two words. “Boob Job! NOT GETTING A BOOB JOB!” But it leads to very amusing comments.

Lettuce – How much for an Iceberg?

Published August 8, 2022 by helentastic67

Lettuce – How much for an Iceberg?

Oh, Australia. Remember we had the fires, then yes, the plague thing, yeah, Melbourne has been through six lockdowns. I think Singapore is the only place that has lived through the same.

We struggled to get our hands on toilet paper and the term Karen was born. Did I mention, that was when I started a liver cleanse? Yeah, that’s right, ME, I made a one-off purchase of the dreaded home brand of Toilet Paper I can guarantee I’ll never revisit. The packaging claimed it was embossed. Um, it was Single Ply, I would have traded that little extra for another ply. Then, we’ve had floods, right.

Everyone caught up.

Now, we have the horrid prices and reboot of boring conversations about which lettuce is best and how much you need to pay to get one.

Seriously, it’s probably easier to get hard drugs. I was faced about a month ago with paying $13 for an iceberg lettuce. That’s my go-to. I had sent a new carer to grab me a lettuce while I got something else. She saw the price and called it out to me. I said “I’m sorry, what!” She repeated and another shopper came over to discuss this ridiculous notion. I recalled a newsworthy story I had seen and I told this other shopper. “Apparently KFC have started substituting cabbage for lettuce” He looked surprised. I told him… “I have to tell you I don’t eat their burgers for the lettuce!” I eat salad for my lettuce and I do like lettuce to be a staple in my crisper.

So, now I’m posting and bragging on social media I managed to get a lettuce the size off my head for $8.00. My last lettuce was down to a tiny heart and I wanted to list it on marketplace for $50 like when some smarty pants posted a Toilet Paper roll with its last two squares.

Lastly, I’ve been having plenty of nonsense old people conversations. But again, more of that later. Yes, it’s worthy of its own post and I haven’t written it yet. Next.

Update on the Plague

Published June 20, 2022 by helentastic67

Update on the Plague

I feel like it’s been too long since I mentioned the thing, I like to call the Plague. Don’t make me use the word.

Occasionally, I find a reason to do a RAT for when I have an appointment somewhere if I even reach for a tissue, I will be interrogated like I’m going to cause the whole world to shut down.

So, I do a RAT and present a photo, then announce my favourite line! “NOT PREGNANT!” Then after a brief pause “NOT COMPLAINING!”

If you are not familiar with the reference? The RAT thing looks much like Home Pregnancy Tests. Never done one of those, still not complaining. Not a dig at people desperate at wanting to be pregnant.

I’m not bragging when I say I’VE NOT YET HAD THE PLAGUE!

Although I wouldn’t mind being able to say “I lost the 10 Kilo’s I gained during the lockdowns” I’m still not complaining.

One of my young carers had the Plague in early 2022 when all the young ones were getting out to all the festivals and coming home with gastro or the Plague, I heard from her and she told me she’d lost 5 Kilos. I responded I needed the Plague: TWICE! She was so delirious she didn’t get my joke, until days later.