Life One Handed

All posts in the Life One Handed category

Christmas

Published February 26, 2018 by helentastic67

Christmas

Christmas

And so, it is Christmas, or it’s just gone past for me, but due to my process of writing long hand, I imagine half of 2017 will have passed, also by the time you read this, might need to tap in my ‘B’ team to type some posts and ask my lovely Administrator to post more often.

Past Christmas

I’ll have you all know, I bought you all Christmas gifts, in the form of when my father gave me Christmas money, I put it all on my Visa. Then I spent most of it buying the things I needed and I paid all my bills.

christmas-shopping

I guess I should be appreciative I had money. It’s just kinda crappy, I couldn’t spend it on things I wanted and needed.

Wants and Needs

Even to have bought an archiving hard drive to rearrange some files, my other My Cloud 4TB’s is full already and while the process is tedious, even my brain is happy with that.

Computer storage

Christmas can be rather brutal in many families, mine is rather passive/aggressive. It seems Christmas is something to endure.

passive aggressive

For me it’s a time to catch up on TV shows. This year it was Divorce and Westworld, which probably left me less homicidal as the year I watch Sons of Anarchy (SOA) and gifts, I think everyone in my family is happy with books, mugs (just a special one) and alcohol. I’m still getting through my bottle of Bailey’s from last Christmas, but all the same.

Baileys Irish Cream

Homebody

Published February 23, 2018 by helentastic67

Homebody

Homebody

I confess to say, I don’t often go out for lunch or dinner or anything else exciting. Obviously, that is to say I go to my favourite café every Wednesday where I’m writing this post right now. But I mean other than that.

I have a few friends that take me out occasionally each year and those adventures, I really appreciate.

Adventure

Firstly, these were the characters I called friend that day and for obvious reasons, I’ve also taken the liberty of creating acronyms.

There’s the oldest in the party who was very anxious and socially awkward that day, feeling she was over dressed. Let’s call her (A.S.A.). Then, there was the youngest, a jeweller, the only one in real life, the tallest. Let’s call her the Giant.

Friends

These two have been housemates for the better part of twenty years, so they have back catalogue of experiences and conversations only they share. I’m already the third wheel with these two and these two stayed at my house the night before and escorted me to lunch.

House mates

The other two characters are best described as Miss Piggy (self-confessed, I didn’t say it) and the down to earth surfy chic. (who is not a leggy blond) Sorry guys.

I often feel socially awkward around these friends, it’s a bit passive/aggressive and I seem the only one who is aware that some of them are rather grumpy with one of the others. Miss Piggy to be exact. But we all catch up so rarely everyone puts on a happy face.

Socially Awkward

I should mention it’s a week before Christmas and it’s a Christmas gathering. I feel like I get a lot of criticism from the moment the day starts and as two of them get ready at my home, I’m aware Miss Piggy and the Surfer Chic have probably made a bet as to, if we will be late or not as we have the lesser distance to travel and if we’re late I will somehow be to blame. I booked a carer at the appropriate time, so I would be ready to go without any assistance.

being late

 

Kick Arse

Published February 19, 2018 by helentastic67

Kick Arse

Kick Arse

I kicked someone in the bum yesterday, I mean, I kicked a guy in the arse and he did nothing to deserve it. It’s not something I meant to do, it’s actually fair to say he had it coming by sitting where he was.

Melbourne these days filled with hole in the wall hipster Café’s. So, this guy was sitting on the footpath with his feet on the road drinking his coffee, outside one of these hipster Café’s and along I come walking down the footpath.

Hipster cafe

Firstly, I didn’t see him. Which after my Daisy Grazing drop foot collected with his bottom, he bolted upright and that was when I apologised by saying, I hadn’t seen him and I have a drop foot, which is why in the early 90’s I could not perform a dance move called the Melbourne Shuffle.

 

Went to a club in Wales, UK back in ’94 and saw a guy at the end of the dance floor doing the Melbourne Shuffle.

Melbourne shuffle 1

 

 

 

Dishes

Published February 16, 2018 by helentastic67

Dishes

Dishes

Kitchen

You would think we learn to wash dishes by hand when you’re at least a teenager. Or at least I did, however over the last five years or so, I’ve come across some woman who don’t know how to wash dishes. The actual goal and whole point to doing dishes is so they are ‘clean’!

So, I can wrap up my topic neatly and move onto other torturous topics. I will smash out the instructions of how to do the dishes at Helen’s and should you have a similar kitchen set-up or cleaning mentality or what-not, you might implement it at your house.

  1. Put on the kettle with cold water. Why? I hear you ask? Because my Landlords are cheap wogs and put in a small hot water service and I run out of hot water when washing my hair, one handed in the shower.
  2. Put a vegetable strainer in the sink to catch anything that needs to go into the bin (Not the compost for the worm farm bin)
  3. Lightly scrub anything left in the sink to soak, i.e. oven trays, slow cooker, pasta baking dish.
  4. Tip water down sink and remove everything to prepare the sink. Take out vegie strainer and throw out any rubbish. Take a sponge and put some liquid soap onto the sponge, add water to sponge and clean out both sinks. (using the abrasive side of sponge, if anything is stuck) Rinse with cold water. Put in plugs, both sinks. (Learn your liquid soaps and quality of each, so you know how much to use to do the job at hand. I use quality so you don’t need heaps. A sink full of foam is also useless. Somewhere between a squirt and a teaspoon is generally enough.
  5. Kettle should be boiling by now. Add boiling water to left sink and add cold from the tap also.
  6. Re-fill kettle and put back on.
  7. Fill right sink with cold water (hot would be better, but we don’t have all day.
  8. The ideal sink water lever should be half full. Therefore, enough water to do the job without having too much splash everywhere.

 

Off the Grid

Published February 12, 2018 by helentastic67

Off the Grid

Off the Grid

Today is Saturday and it’s a day I let myself go ‘off grid’. It’s a way to survive, I’ve broken so many of my own rules today.

  1. I turned on my mobile phone.
  2. I put on a bra (not really).
  3. I left the house.

I walked ten minutes to the tram and caught the tram to the city. (it takes thirty minutes) Had about four conversations by the time I got to the city. WENT TO MY FIRST EVER RALLY.

Taxi rally

It was a Taxi rally, or a rally for Taxi drivers to be paid appropriately for their Taxi licences. Oh Yeah!

  1. I checked emails.

Emails feel like work, without the luxury of sitting at a desk in an office.

These days, I maintain two emails. One for personal “stuff” and the second for blogs. (The ones I follow and the one’s that follow me.)

Emails need to start only taking four hours or less a day. This is why even when I’m on a tram between appointments, I’ll cull emails.

Multitasking, Multitasking, Multitasking.

Multitasking

I should mention the Pedometer on my phone normally tells me I collected twenty-six steps, which must have been from midnight and 2am when I take my phone to bed to charge.

Today, 2,810 steps and I don’t carry my phone on my person, so all the steps I did doing laundry, chores and baking after getting home.

Pedometer

Think I’m going off-grid tomorrow instead. Going to be sore tomorrow. Yeah you are….

Nearly thirteen years ago, I was doing a job that apparently required a certificate IV in work place training and assessment. While I had been and admin assistant, I did the work of a TPO (Training Placement Officer).

Admin assistant

I had twice attempted the course while I was in the role, but while I passed the practical I hadn’t had time to do the written.

After three years in the role, I was seriously shafted. Bullied by other staff who were incompetent and just didn’t want to do their job. Turns out putting your head down and getting on with the actual ‘work’ didn’t prove enough that you weren’t the problem.

Office work

In HR terms, I was the easier person to get rid of and worst of all, I was dumped out into the market place at a time no one in the industry was employing, because contracts were up for renewal. I managed to score a job with a TAFE with their work for the Dole area and they had me ‘Culling files’. The staff running around the office like chooks with their heads cut off and I could tell they were struggling however, they didn’t trust my knowledge of the contract. (How their business operated) so they wouldn’t give me any responsibility. They kept me as a casual until they knew what ongoing contracts they had.

I had to interview for a position back in the region I had spent three years working for the first orgainisation and I could manage the clientele very well.

Client management

The clients were all ages and the bulk of my workload was the “You don’t understand! I’ve been a student for the last fifteen years, I need to take a year off.”

Yeah! Damn eighteen-year old’s who think High School was going to be enough to set them straight. Never fear, I had a few clients that were the complete opposite, remembered not by name, but by the black Doc Martin boots she wore with purple laces.

Doc Martens

She had, had a job getting up at 4amworking with horses. She would do a job again with that kind of start time. That job gave me a half a day of conflict resolution training by someone who trained people at Quantico in the States.

There were some clients in that region when they left the office, we would sigh with relief, clean up the destruction they left in their wake and mutter to each other “That one! Clocktower with a rifle! Next week!”

Bad clients

Slight exaggeration, but still. The sentiment was not far off.

I made a little fib about ‘having’ my Cert IV for that job! They put me in an office without net, that was not fully set up. No networked computers. I had dial-up internet and I was on ‘graphics-heavy software’ and I was often the ‘Helpdesk’ over the phone to untrained staff at another office.

To make my point, everything was slow. My printer was also a fax machine and my phone.

For safety purposes, I should not have ever opened the door for anyone. I did for clients and I had to hope for the best obviously. More experienced staff who never came to my office rang for contacts I had maintained from my previous work.

Safety reasons

Once they had my knowledge and expertise, they got rid of me. Sorry, that was so long and painful, however trust me, that was the short version.

Termination

Next, stay tuned for a lesson on how to correctly wash dishes… No really.

how to do dishes

Human Resources

Published February 9, 2018 by helentastic67

Human Resources

Human Resources

I’ve been putting off a major decision lately because it means I’m about to lose all my friends. I guess it’s not so much a decision, but more about timing.

Major decisions

Because I now have the NDIS funding, I have been allocated hours for more Carers, many more hours. But I can’t use more hours with my current Carer Provider. I need to start using an actual Agency.

My Carers over the years have been supplied through my Council, who only want to provide me with five hours a fortnight. Seriously!

What are you supposed to do with five hours a week, let alone over two weeks! Not much.

Because I’ve held off telling my grumpy Council I’ve been approved for the NDIS (because they would drop me like a hot potato).

Hot Potato 1

I will lose my mind, training a bunch of new Carers, to be able to cope with me and have them, I’ve started filling in the gaps that my Council didn’t provide.

That means Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturday, Sundays. The last three weeks I’ve had a shower each day on the weekends.

It’s a MIRACLE.

Miracle

I can shower myself. I can even dry and dress myself. But it’s exhausting and if I needs to wear a bra, I can get it on, but it’s never comfortable.

So far, I’ve had three new Carers, it seems there’s not many in my area and they are generally not prepared to travel for a shift shorter than an hour and a half.

I am much better at the whole HR-thing these days. (Human Resources) I’ve been getting Carers for about six to seven years now. My mum was very ‘keen to train’ my Carers, thinking it would be maybe, five Carers in a room and well, I don’t know what she was thinking.

I would love my current Carers (friends) to do a handover, but in reality, I get a new Carer, one at a time and induction begins the second they arrive.

Training

I’m friendly and inviting and while I show them around I show them the list of ‘chores’ I would like them to be able to get through while they are there.

Dishes get done, Kitty litter changed, rubbish and recycling get taken out all while I’m in the shower. Nothing too challenging.

Kitty litter

But the personality match is always just as hard as finding someone who knows how to wash dishes. (Seriously, stay tuned for my training guide on how to correctly wash dishes.)

Washing dishes

Smart Arse

Published February 5, 2018 by helentastic67

Smart arse

Smart Arse

People who have known me over the past 10+ years, they have commented on my sharp wit and that I’ve got the quickest wit of anyone she knows.

Sharp wit

Hello! Compliment. Right here…

There are people who treat me like I’m an idiot because I have a brain injury. There are many ways people comment on my disability. One particular consistent ‘opening’ is – “You look like you’ve been through the wars!” Which I received most recently today. I was a little wet from having to walk a short distance in the rain. So everything else is my base-line already and I didn’t feel the need to comment.

Through the wars

First time ever I came up with the best response, but not on the spot.

So, here’s how I will respond to that line in the future.

“Not a war, a battle! I won!

I won

Yeah! This is what winning looks like and then imagine what loosing would have looked like.”

I generally follow comments like this with a sharp look and a smile. So they know I do mean it, but that I’ve also accepted it.

Smile

Another older lady sat in the waiting room to wait for her taxi. She also had a walking stick, now she commented to me; “That’s the thing with stroke, it takes your independence!” I’m sure I’ve encountered this woman before, her name is also Helen.

Independence

I respond swiftly with ‘Ah, but it doesn’t take our sense of humour.’

I think I even put a little Scottish brogue on it in the tone of “But they will never take our freedom.”

Sense of Humour

Reasons

Published February 1, 2018 by helentastic67

Reasons

Reasons

Reason’s not to kill yourself… Yeah, Good times, seems I’m in a mood!

  1. Because if times are tough, if you can’t have, you won’t see the good things that might be right around the corner. I often wonder if this is all life is about? The constant agonising struggle for survival.
  2. My mum would be so upset, I often joke she would revive me to kill me herself.
  3. I’m looking to have to move again. I’ve been here 4 years, which seems to be my limit in the last 15 years and while I have 3 bedrooms (yes! A spare and a study), a laundry and a linen cupboard (who knew these were luxuries) my rent has become harder and harder to maintain living by myself.
  4. I’m an organ donor, harming myself means no one gets these beauties

Organ donor

So, moving right along.

  • Keeping in mind, I was lucky when I got this unit. It was the same rent as nice freshly painted 1 bedrooms in this area. Three-bedroom units are unheard of.
  • I’m also about to spend Christmas alone rather than be bothered to be part of Christmas holed up in the country with some family.

So, getting it together and putting my ‘Big Girl Pants’ on. Looks like moving might be imminent.

Big girl pants

Blame

Published January 29, 2018 by helentastic67

Blame

Blame

I’m not sure if it’s just Acquired Brain Injury (ABI) or the whole disability, but I find I get blamed for all kids in my family or even just my home. I’ve had some new carers of late and one is my new Saturday/Sunday lady. She wouldn’t come for less than 90 minutes, so I figured I could make it work by giving her some odd cleaning jobs.

Clean fridge

Nothing major, but on a Saturday, I’ve asked her to clean a shelf in the fridge (it will be all clean eventually) and other things that rarely get done (cleaning the cutlery drawer or cleaning the front of the kitchen cupboards). The second Saturday, after washing went on the line, I know she didn’t do any of the other tasks as she had found the new foodie magazine on the dining room table.

Magazine on table

She commented to me I really liked cooking and Donna Hay’s recipes were easy. When I remarked to my mum, she said it was my fault, I left the magazine out on the table.

Donna Hay

The message was rather scathing, I didn’t know where else I was to have put it, in my own home…

It’s my home, I don’t leave out bills, cash, bank statements. I’m wondering if anyone else experiences this?

I can’t wait until I get my next Neuro psych, I’ve had countless, but my mum is insisting on being there next time. (pointless/counterproductive) and she wants to be there for the debrief.

Psych

She says it’s so she can better understand my ABI, but I know it’s going to lead to me better understanding my behaviour and then changing it to suit the family.

Behaviour

Nearly fell over on the tram today, Yes! It was the day I was carrying that darn cool-bag, but still number 1.

Why do people who don’t fit the criteria to take up those seats with signage stating they are for people who are elderly, disabled or pregnant. While I’m here, can pregnant ladies not sit in my seat in their first trimester. Please! You just look a little fat, sorry. Save it until you’re nine months pregnant.

Disability seating

Today, I wriggled up by asking a young woman to hold my walking stick, being weighed down by both my bags. It took an effort to push myself up.

I put my hand on the wall behind the driver’s cabin and had to balance so as not to fall backwards when the tram lurched forward. I stumbled and a woman behind me to the right, screamed out that I had trodden on her foot.

Stepping on toes

She dropped the F* Bomb to describe how much it hurt. I muttered an apology, but I had struggled to remain upright and had thrown my right hand up and grabbled the headrail. The woman holding my stick looked at me concerned, I think she wondered when to give me the stick and I had to wait for the tram to stop. I will often lean my shoulder or hip against that wall of the driver’s cabin to get my balance.

Falling over

I had to ignore the woman who complained I’d hurt her foot. I had apologised and I think her feet weren’t anywhere near her seat and she hadn’t realised how precarious my situation had been nor did she care.

I did notice she didn’t look like she had any of the pre-requisites of taking up those seats.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to fix this situation…

fixing it

Why I Blog

Published January 26, 2018 by helentastic67

Why I Blog 1

Why I Blog?

If you have been wondering with a weird array of randomness, what Hellonwheels is all about? Wait no longer, this is why, here is the answer.

Logo Hell on wheels

Since my diagnosis in 2007? (I don’t know! It’s been a blur) I’ve met many people with ABI/TBI/general fuckwit-ism and it has led me to query, what means what?

Brain injury

Example;

When I first started going to ABI groups socially, because society loves to put you in contact with people with the “same” issues you have. (Please note eye-roll!) I walked in and young men and old flocked towards me, I felt like a Spice Girl in the mid-90’s. One guy, let’s call him ‘Fred’ (because it’s been a while) made it clear to take me under his wing. We got chatting, as you do and as you do you talk about your life before the ABI.

Spice girls

I mentioned my Club years and that’s always a big topic. But, push came to shove and after a little young woman joined us and I was introduced. Lovely younger lady, also with an ABI. Make mental note; got to be careful or might end up ‘paired-up’ with another numpty like me before long if I’m not careful. I didn’t say this reason/story would be simple so stay with me.

Numty

Totally worth it, Promise.

Over time, I participated in activities at this group and I supported people and they supported me, so all is well. Became friends with Fred and others outside this group. (it’s inevitable: stuff sticks sometimes) Fred had gotten his TBI from pure fuckwitedness (as I like to consider it) his girlfriend was lucky to be alive having been hit by a car crossing the street. But, unlike her boyfriend, she had not had a typical young adult life, like he had, had before his TBI, because she had, had hers at 17 years-old.

Fuckwitedness

He also liked to bond with me because I had been ‘there’ (Clubs/parties) and I remember it. I wasn’t drunk and off my face like nearly everyone else.

Overtime, I became a bit more of a mentor to Fred. I was friendly to his girlfriend, also she was none the wiser. He was also finding excuses to visit socially. FYI: I don’t socialize at 11pm at night, that’s my time.

Mentor

He even had a gay friend drop him over for a coffee one afternoon on a weekend and I was told to ‘look’ after him.

I hope you are getting that he seemed to have told people, I might have been a potential ‘whatever/girlfriend’ when in reality it was always a HELL NO.

Hell No

I decided to discuss this situation with a friend who worked in the industry who was familiar with all of us and our past history etc, her advice to me was.

‘Oh, you should go out with him, because before his ABI, he had four or five girlfriends at a time. Now he’s only got one or two.’

WTF!

Um, I hope you realise, I would not have dated more than one guy at a time before my diagnosis, let alone date a guy who thought he could date more than one woman at a time, I certainly wouldn’t now.

I am also aware I am no longer some Jennifer Hawkins type, now or before my disability, however I’m still not prepared to lower my standards and just accept some broken bit of road kill.

Body

Make mental note: Explain Helen’s definition of Road Kill later.

Road kill

So, back to my point. Yes, apparently it is said, people retain their personality after their ABI/TBI what did I call it? That they had before their (as above).

Personality

Now, this is why I blog.

If I’ve always had my ABI (AVM), have I developed this personality, because of my AVM or despite my AVM?

BAM! There I’ve done it.