Every now and again I’m faced with needing something done I can no longer do one-handed. So, there are few things I no longer even attempt because I won’t LET SOMETHING BEAT me. But this is so frustrating I offer you a challenge.
If you do not own one of these, I recommend going to buy one? As no one in an office environment needs some pissed off stranger messing around with their office supplies. So, go get a stapler and put staples in it. One-Handed.
Honestly, know your limits. I consider it every time and very quickly decide not to do it. There are not enough sewer words in the Universe to get me through that challenge.
In the world of disability there are many terms for things you don’t know until you need to and that generally means you learn the hard way out of necessity. Out of your will to achieve something or your need to survive. You learn who your friends are. You work out who you can rely on.
If you don’t have family or friends who can help you do the most mundane things you might find you have a carer who can feed your cat when you go to your dad’s funeral, or you spend a night in hospital.
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned but wait for it. Humble brag, Mika is not food orientated, but she still expects to be fed, every night.
Also, kind neighbours, even after I moved were lovely enough to drop into my new home to feed my fur baby and not expect to be paid to do so. That is officially an informal support.
When I moved late last year, yes, still so much trauma around that. The moving day left me with all my tech, TV, AMP, CD carousel, drying racks, lamps, mirrors, candlesticks. So much I valued and needed to be moved and every day I was reaching out to busy people to see what they could help me with.
Now, I’ve got friends, I love and respect their time, I have later discussed my need at that time and that they were not friends I felt should need to help me for things like that.
You would be surprised when you really need help how few of the people you know are not free and I would not have expected people to drop anything to assist me, so I started asking carers who I had no funding to book them and bit by bit over the last week I had friends come from two hours away who helped when they had barely slept going through a shitty break up. Who came and helped for literally me buying them lunch. Fuel to get them through.
A carer who literally treats me like family assisted me with a few car trips and when I tried to sneak some cash into her hand, she vehemently told me that “Anybody that took money from me, shouldn’t!”
OK, fuck it. It’s now almost 1am, better go to bed.
The proof is in the pudding. I often think the old terms and references might be lost if we don’t keep them alive by using them. Who thought this post I would be naming and shaming somebody? I still might.
The proof is in the pudding, while alluding to yeast being a raising agent. It’s a good reference to mean someone doing what they said they intended. Someone says they will do something; we take it as good; they will follow through and you only know once the deed is done. And the more they dilly-dally and piss-arse around and it isn’t done? The so-called pudding is not done. So, to speak.
Is everyone confused yet?
OK, I will context by stating since moving, I’ve had extra furniture to sell, items I no longer need or want. Furniture I’ve replaced with something I plan to keep forever and have it store things and make a statement. So, I’ve put items on the Place that is the Market. Are we all still following where this is going?
So, I put a thing, let’s call it a box? On the place that is a market. If you are not familiar. You can put your (already regretting this term) Box on the market, with measurements, a cost, a vague location and requirements on how you prefer to exchange said “box” or item for cash. And in a perfect world let’s say Jane? She messages to say, Hey! I’m curious about the box, can I come see it, give you the cash, to take it off your hands. Can you help or do I need to bring my own muscle? You may even hear from a Luke, a Maria, a Fred or help, a Gary, Mary or a Susie. All of these may be given instructions of a location close to your location, before breaking FULL PRIVACY boundaries and people may not have the appropriate method, vehicle, muscle to take said “box” I hope you all realise, the box is an item of furniture? Mmm, who thought it was something else? No, it’s furniture. Definitely.
After some back and forth with multiple people, one lovely lady coming from an hour away to look and measure the “box” She kept eyeing the item I’d bought to replace the “box” poor thing. I could see she kept looking at it. AND I laughed at her and told her I understood. I said the measly $10 (It was more, but as an example?) I’d asked for it wouldn’t put a dint in what the new purchase (the box!) had cost me. Whoever she was hard pressed to see if I would take $7.50 for it before she committed to coming to get it. Also, being very insistent getting my address. She did not get given my address and overnight she decided it was not the right size for her needs. So, annoying this lady.
But not as annoying as Jane, who several weeks after her original contact and no follow up. She messaged to inform me he was a “Genuine Buyer!” I’m sorry, did I have the shit attitude? When she reached out again, she mentioned all the other places in Melbourne she had to get to before getting to me to buy my “box” I suggested I didn’t need to know all her movements, only when I would be seeing her and that she would bring the required cash as actual cash.
The following day, the last day stated to collect and complete the transaction, Jane messaged me to inform me she would not be coming and that I seemed more interested in the $10. Then she stated her insult that I was “Uneducated and rude!” Um? Do I seem uneducated to you?
I don’t know who she thought she was? However, I went to reply with a polite but firm “You are misinformed and rude. Good day!” But she had blocked me. What a rhymes witty punt? Think I used the word “Cow” although that insults animals that are referred in some countries and have four stomachs. Worthy creatures indeed. So, I reported her and blocked her.
Oh, just an FYI, the lovely lady was Jane. The punt was Ann, the proof was definitely not in the pudding, but she proved herself something else.
I’m not a fan of using the word that rhymes with punt, but this seemed like an appropriate time to use it. What an awful human being. She didn’t deserve the item in question.
I guess people get what she deserves? Until, eventually when it finds its next home it will mean to be. I just don’t understand why people have to make it so hard?
I always wanted mine to be the slap of wisdom, I go to stupid people – slap them (think DiNozzo from NCIS, the character played by Michael Weatherly) and instantly “oh yeah I get it now” I naturally think my superpower is bluntness.
I got on a tram today and asked a woman to give me her seat. I’m always careful as you can’t always tell if they have a disability. The woman instantly misunderstood and presumed it as her job to swiftly direct me to another seat down the tram. While the seat she was diverting me to wasn’t far but faced the wrong way. I would have had motion sickness in minutes. I also would have struggled to getup, stay up and negotiate my way back to a door when it was time to get off. All the while – A) not having my bag possibly fall of my shoulder creating a further trip hazard, B) not falling over and breaking every bone in my body. Luckily a woman that got on in front of me politely told the women she could go to that seat (not me). And then she sat next to me (Also, taking up an accessible seat) to support me where she felt the need to explain why that woman should not ever have been sitting there. I shrugged, told her I agree and let it go, because this is what it’s like every day advocacy it never ends.
SHOES
Went to see a shoe guy in the city today. I was already in the city and had to go from there to another area that required my ability to navigate around the city. I have not frequently visited since 1992 to 1993 (not kidding) and I knew I could walk but be hot and knackered by the time I got there, or I could navigate to a short tram ride before walking and maybe get there late. In the end, I took a tram two stops, then walked two blocks. I wasn’t 100%, certain exactly where he was since he was set up on the ground floor of a big car park. Shoe fetish.
Sometimes with little notice, my regular carer will not be attending their shift. I have a few standard shifts every week where I’m out in a carer’s car. So, what kind of carer I will have, what kind of vehicle they drive, will it have air con and will it have music capabilities. Is often a topic of conversation with whichever other carer might be here when I receive this news.
Standard conversation is around what kind of vehicle I will be out in. About ten years ago a young carer I had arrived in not his usual car. But an Alfa, it was his husbands. Prompting an ‘I need a husband!’ Right?
So, a few weeks ago, my carer guessed I’d be out in a Mazda, I said I wasn’t going to bother guessing. You would never believe that day I was out in a tank. Not an actual tank, but look.
I mean, seriously, I’m height challenged so she had to lever me in. But as I directed her to the disability parking at a regular shopping complex I frequent “If we get around there and there’s no parking available, I want you to park on top of whatever car is there?” to which she replied, “We won’t park on top of them, we’ll go through them!”
So, I’ll see you and raise you, is what I heard! Her car also had a CB Radio! Ten/four Buddy! Over and out!
Some days life is full of surprises and the good kind which is rare. I think we can all agree. A few weeks ago, after deciding to make room in my fridge and my freezer it was necessary to go visit my Egg Dealer. I stash things in my freezer to build up a care package for George. When my Tetris skills are pushed beyond their limits an obviously to the market is critical. On this particular Friday, my carer and I headed in the direction of the space George inhibits. As I walked up to his counter a younger woman stood between us. As I walked up to her, she stated, “I love you!” Aw. So, I replied “I love you!” I mean, what else do you do? She repeated herself and I obliged. And she asked, “Can I give you a hug?” So, I gave her a hug. I later shared this scenario with my Sunday carer who looked at me quizzically, I stated, “intellectual disability?”
Back to my hugger, the hug came to a natural conclusion and like the character Alf from the self-titled TV show she ran off. She had left a shopping bag on the counter and I picked it up and offered it to the woman on my right. I confirmed she was with her. She informed me she was her carer, I pointed to my carer to indicted we understood.
So, George, what are you having for dinner tonight? He told me he was being taken out for dinner. It was his birthday on the Saturday. Such good timing, I told him he had eggplant parmigiana for his lunch the next day. I don’t normally deliver people savoury, but I told him I liked him to know I had range. He then gifted me my standard order of thirty eggs. He would not let me pay him, he said it was his good deed for the day.
Despite the fifteen or so blog posts I’ve written in my Drafts folder in my email account mostly in some stages of just ideas I started with when I was too busy to sit & complete the train of thought, a few including up to 10 blog posts I wanted to finish the train of thought before edits completed by a carer and sending, so don’t be surprised when you can’t keep track of my thought process? Keep reading it will all make sense in the end.
2025 has been hectic and as it draws to a close, I’ll give you this.
Sometimes, the littlest, weird thing I may do the right person is curious enough to ask. And they are usually my carers who are here. I have a system of folding my tea towels in a particular way so the edges are all facing out, you can see the different colours and patterns of each and the edges are at the back of the pile, so the messy edges are hidden. I picked up this habit working in a homewares store back in my twenties. I bought a good selection back then and only about ten years ago started to restock after retiring those old tea towels. I would go into the city monthly about ten years ago to see my shrink and if I was early, I’d stop at a particular well-placed linen retailer on my way to the Royal Arcade and buy a few and eventually I had to stop. That is how you successfully build a collection.
Sometimes, the right carer goes to put the freshly washed and folded tea towels away and after noticing the pile is not to our standards, she will offer to take them out and neaten them. Stating, she now does hers the same way.
Feeling really flat right now. You know those days it’s all too much and people that should love you don’t pick up what you’re putting down. It’s normally these days I don’t blog because I feel it’s a little too raw. So, I can’t make any good humour about things. Just appreciate I’m still here. I’m doing what I can, putting one foot in front of another planning to die healthy one day, a long time from now.
I’ll likely have more friends and beautifully kind people around me than those related to me. It’s weird at 53, the things I ended up being good at, even one-handed.
Last week I made two puddings the same day. Baked one that day, baked the other the next. Despite not all of Said-Puddings being out of my home, I made another this week. Some of the pudding after trying to deliver to its intended target, twice landed at the post office with the lovely ladies that always are kind and sweet to me. That’s not actually part of their job but I like to reward people with treats I make with love. Just for being who they are.
A friend took the time to visit yesterday while in Melbourne, was in my home while family dropped in for ten whole minutes. Five of which was spent criticizing me for my life choices, etc. She took me for dinner and while she then used public transport to get the two hours home, she kindly took some pudding and muled some to a friend that lives out near her.
Got feedback online late today from family about the expired used by dates on foodie treats, ungrateful the lot of them. No thanks for the delicious lemon tart I considered to get for them from my favourite cafe, costing me more than $10, I got myself one also and shared it with my friend.
I got a message from my friend tonight simply stating feedback on the bread-and-butter pudding. We had touched base earlier today about her arriving safely home and her car starting. For once I got to bed before she got home. Her feedback simply stating, “Your pudding was divine!”
If I could have everything else in life be as easy and productive as my pudding production, I would be a very happy woman. But none of that it seems in in my control.
About a month ago I arrived at my beauticians with a small container of my pudding and I put it in her hands at her front door. She works from home, she exclaimed immediately “It’s still warm!” I told her to take it to her kitchen and eat a spoonful. She came back a minute later with the washed container in her hands. She had inhaled it, then she stated she had half in one spoonful and she couldn’t leave the rest. Never is there a better compliment.
So, can I tell humans related to me if they can’t eat something with a lot of sugar in it, past its used by date to toughen up and eat some concrete. Asking for a friend?
So, meet the newest addition to the household, Freddie.
I could have changed his name. I wanted to but, in the end, I don’t know how he would take to me calling him Noire? I was not feeling the vibe to give him a new name. He had a sibling I met also called Jason. So, that was a whole Halloween thing I don’t subscribe too. Apparently, the females from several litters had all gone days earlier. I just think of that poor kitten Jason there with no Freddie for context. Jason had very cute white tips on his feet but was otherwise all black.
Years ago, when I adopted Mika, I asked if she answered to her name? The woman in the shop shared a look with me like she didn’t need to answer as it was indeed a stupid question. She did tell me if I wanted to change her name to do it immediately and consistently so she would get used to it. I stuck with Mika and she knows it’s her name. Sometimes, Mika’s favourite carer will make a kissing noise to get her attention and I will call her name and she will come to me.
After a few days of isolation, Freddie escaped the safety of the bedroom to be chased like a rodent around the couch, Mika was not well pleased. Freddie realised he wanted back into the room he felt the safest. Mika of course chased him under the bed and hissed and growled at him. A few extra days after giving him the reign of the apartment while Mika was in the study with the door closed, I introduced them together. A few days after that she was giving him a clean and it seems all will be OK in the world. Not even two weeks, here are some cute pictures of my kids.
So, did anyone think we did not return a month later for the beginning of kitten season? If you thought we would not, you were wrong. Also, having spied another older beautiful grey cat and again, thoughts of taking home an adult cat and a kitten a happy thought indeed. It is not for me to decide how that nature of the cat distribution system works. Just that it does. The staff member at the shelter later told me the grey cat had some behavioural issues as if she needed to still convince me that I really wouldn’t have wanted it. It had been returned several times. I asked if the cat had had issues or the family. There was a quiet pause and she gave me a knowing look.
I should point out my perfect home includes, my current cat Mika, a husband, a dog, (I need the husband to walk the dog and scoop its poo), a black cat and a ginger cat. So, it’s a bit of a shopping list to fill. And not all can be achieved at the Cat Protection Society. But we can go get cats, visit cats, love on cats and leave cats. But maybe adopt a kitten too.
Who thinks I should stop dragging this out? You will just need to wait until next month.
Hell onWheels/Life One Handed 