Hot off the Press – 22nd May 2023

Published May 22, 2023 by helentastic67

Hot off the Press

OK, I guess another Hot Off the Press is required and today it comes as a form of confession. Not that I thought I was invincible for having avoided catching the Plague. You should be familiar with my term for Covid 19? Yes, that’s the one. Or my predilection for referring to the RAT as a Pregnancy test, by that it looks a lot like an actual Pregnancy Test. Again, not that I’ve ever done one of those.

Alas, I almost made it to May 10, 2023, so close. Alas, I tested “Pregnant!” on a Wednesday morning and we had to cancel rather a few appointments. Including reluctantly my early chiropractor’s appointment. To my further annoyance because it felt like every rib was not where they should be. But, alas, I couldn’t live with myself should I pass it onto anybody else let alone someone more at risk than myself.

I have had all five vaccines for the Plague and every single one came with issues to book, be eligible, get transport to and from and originally to have access to the appropriate vaccine my GP had insisted I have and only that particular vaccine. Originally it was only the Astra Zenica (or the AZ!) I was told from day dot to only get the Pffizer. (Or a Fizzer! As I called it) I was too YOUNG to qualify originally.

Overall, my experience of the actual Plague, I’m not really complaining. Remember in the early days of Covid? Yeah, lots of those people are not here to tell the tale. So, my mild cold-like-symptoms, I was fine. I hunkered down and settled into isolation. Took more juice and echinacea than I’ve had for a while but after the initial cancelling of all my appointments, only one carer chose not to risk coming. I had two days that week without carers. One of my two agencies could not cover a shift and then the Friday, same issue and my Girl Friday couldn’t risk it. I didn’t panic and test every day like many people like to do. The mandates at the time were to isolate five days. My next appointment was the following Tuesday and thankfully I tested negative and I was able to get to podiatry. Thankful as I had toenails like dragon claws. My podiatrist sees far worse, but I have my own standards. I also would have been fine to stay at home a few more days.

I’ve been dealing with a very annoying wheeze and that’s it. Plenty of Ventolin and my chiropractor giving my lungs a good pounding last Wednesday. I’ve been doing nothing but catch up ever since.

Remember those early days of the vaccine when people were being encouraged to get out and catch COVID’s? Don’t know about elsewhere but the media had it obvious they were to encourage everyone to go out and get it. And if they hadn’t had it, they needed to get out there and get amongst it. Ok, the younger people were being told/shamed for not getting out and being sociable. I guess the government was after Herd Immunity and then on the other hand, I had a new carer last week that had had the Plague 7 times! 7! That’s 6 times too many, right?

You may ask how I got the Plague? I think it was the last comedy show I was at. It was the Daniel Sloss gig at a Convention Centre where I was among 5,500 people. My friend didn’t get it. No idea how. He was sitting right beside me and drove us there and home again. I am just happy he didn’t get it. I have my last comedy show this week, the Melbourne International Comedy show has finished but I’ll tell you about my last comedy event in next week’s post to be sure. 



Happy Mother’s Day

Published May 15, 2023 by helentastic67

Happy Mother’s Day

So Happy Mother’s Day, this should go for Fur-Mothers Too. As it seems I forgot to have kids, or did I? To be continued.


As Single Barren Spinster we know the last thing parents of actual little humans is unsolicited advice from someone who has not spawned a baby. However please read this whole post to get the context to this brilliant parenting advice.

Last Monday I had an adventure to a shopping complex my carers and I call The Bad Lands/Knife Land. After a few purchases I visited the bathroom near a food court. Upon exiting to leave I could hear a screaming child. Immediately making my ovaries dry up. My eyes wild I searched for my carer to communicate to her to get me the hell away from that screaming child. Then we encountered said child and I felt awful. Said child and mum were sitting on the floor. The Mum trying to console her three or four year old daughter. She had run headfirst into a glass door then slid over. Probably in her own blood. I would guess this family, including the father standing nearby not knowing how to help were Indian. Another Indian woman was behind the mum on the floor looking on assessing the situation. I pegged her as staff of the shopping complex. She looked to be assessing if they should call an ambulance. She was looking to the Mum to make the decision. I made eye contact with the staff member hoping she read my non-verbal communication, as “Call an Ambulance!” Here’s the unsolicited advice? “If there are inconsolable tears and blood? Call an ambulance!” It’s not wrong though, is it?


I imagine the Mum had big plans that day and probably didn’t have the time to be waiting in a hospital emergency. But that little girl needed glue. They don’t do stitches these days and I suggest this because guess whose birthday it was that day? WORST BIRTHDAY EVER! She was going to have a scar from that memory.

Now, before you judge me for jumping the gun, take this into consideration. My father’s passing bought family from New South Wales and Queensland I either don’t see very often or haven’t seen since I was 18. Nice work Dad. My youngest cousin has a sixteen month old and her fiancé was sitting next to me at a catch up dinner around Boxing Day. He outsourced babysitting to another young second cousin, I would guess twelve. This was so he could eat dinner and so could his wife to be. The second five minutes of outsourcing babysitting the toddler was returned with a confession, “She had fallen over and hit her head!” Dad was brilliantly dismissive, with a “Don’t worry about it! Is she crying or bleeding?” I complimented him for this and I was informed “Ain’t my first rodeo!” (He has older children) I’m just saying they breed them tough in Queensland.

Lastly, I may not have had children, so people generally dismiss any advice I offer but people forget or don’t know I’ve been the older sibling to two younger sisters, the first of which was born on my 8th birthday. I used to bath her and do nappy duty. My second youngest sister I was studying full time, working part-time and still doing serious babysitting duties. I was then 16, it’s not only actual birth mothers that do the heavy lifting.

This is my fur-baby, Mika! She is desperate not to be a Lap Cat. She is very close on the back of the couch.




Peer Support

Published May 14, 2023 by helentastic67

Peer Support

Sometimes, having new carers, as I have right now, I get a new gene pool of stories. My newest carer (let’s call her 62), it isn’t right but here we go? A few of my carers at any given time are around this age and it is NOT A BAD THING.

Ms 62 was at another client’s home. (Let’s call this other client Ms 92) They were sitting at the table having a cup of tea and the Ms 62 a glass of water. Ms 92 has two young Sparkies in her bathroom doing some rewiring. One sparky is in the room, the other in the roof. From the kitchen the ladies hear one sparky call out. “Shine the torch through the hole!” Realising his error, he corrected himself with “Shine the light through the cavity!”

After the Sparkies departed 62 asked 92 if she had heard what the young man had said? She had and apparently, she had had a hard time not laughing out loud. Sometimes, it’s these little titbits that make life worth living.

* If you are not sure, Sparkies is the general term for electricians.

Foodie Post

Published May 8, 2023 by helentastic67

Foodie Post

Occasionally, life throws me a curve ball. Like right now, my oven is on the fritz again. I use my oven and grill a lot.

About a year ago they swapped out the element and it took two weeks for a booking. Our building gets a lot of power blackouts I can only imagine the oven has had one too many and is not happy.

Just about as unhappy as I’ve been after wasting money on a pork roast for Easter and enough veggies to roast for a family. Also, no melted cheesy goodness on toast.

Comedy shows early so I’m home by 8pm. Is this the sign I’m getting old? Don’t answer that. Sunday night stopped at New York style Pizza by the slice on Brunswick Street, Fitzroy and here is my first course.


Then my 2nd Course.

Hot off the Press – 24th April 2023

Published April 24, 2023 by helentastic67

Melbourne International Comedy Festival Sequel

Should I need to point out, I don’t really do much of any excitement any other time of the year. This comedy festival don’t mistake my current effort at getting out for some fun to have you imagine I get to maintain this level is my normal life in general. Every time I try to do one thing different from the normal of appointments for physio, neurophysiology, neuropsych or the shrink appointments I’m missing right now. GP Appointments, the weekly Chiropractic visits, let alone any specialist appointments thrown in the mix. It all becomes too much.

Normal life gives me a migraine behind my left eye and it’s Sunday night at the start of the week. I start with a new OT tomorrow. Can’t wait for her to look around my home and tell me my home is too cluttered. Yes, that’s expected. OT’s look at my home as if I need to be ready for a wheelchair. When I mentioned this to a previous carer she snorted an embarrassed laugh as she looked around my home. Prompting her, I would not be offended by her reason for cheer, she informed me she had the same kind of clutter in her home. Comforting, I joined her laugh.

So, by sharing the fun things I’m doing right now, appreciate it’s got to get me through the rest of the year because the Festival is the highlight to my year. That said, for the third time this Saturday I went to see a Scottish Comedian Daniel Sloss. Most people go see him for having seen his at Netflix special Jigsaw. I had only heard of it when I decided to go see his show pre-Covid that he mentioned he received complaints about because it was about Rape and Assault. Not in general, but I can’t context appropriately so won’t. His Melbourne 2023 show was titled Can’t, I believe for the similarity to another word I never use verbally unless I’m quoting someone else. You will never see it written here but it is to say it “Rhymes with Punt!” 

If interested here is a link to his Ted Talk he once did.

Sunday night before writing this post I finally got around to watching his two Netflix Specials. Both Dark and Jigsaw. I’m sure the last show I saw was Dark, and it was good. If you took the time to watch the above, Ted-Talk you will notice he’s a bit wrong and funny but his shows are more of a Ted-talk where you go away thinking about things. Some parts he mentions something so awful, parts of the audience laugh and he’s not even close to the punchline it’s a bit too wrong. He reigns in the people that laughed at the wrong bits. The show started at 8.20pm. The latest start time I’ve done and it went until 11.15pm. If you want value for money. Go see Daniel Sloss.

It’s now a few weeks before the next show I have tickets for, so next week will be back to normal programming. This is my friend and I at the show, in the back row.

When this goes live on Monday, I’m hoping a carer turns up to help me start my week properly as despite all my preparation, neither of my two agencies have rostered me a carer, both assuming the other has covered it and me not making sure on Friday that somebody’s has made sure I would have someone. Let’s hope the rest of the week runs more smoothly.

Hot off the Press – 17th April 2023

Published April 16, 2023 by helentastic67

Melbourne International Comedy Festival Part 1

Seems the Hot off the Press has returned for the moment. Nothing like keeping you all up to date, about five years ago I started getting one’s ticket for the comedy festival. Don’t know what took me so long.

During the lockdowns in Melbourne the one ticket I had was rescheduled. Apparently, I could have gotten a refund, but nobody had any idea what the Plague would do. So, I let the ticket be rescheduled, in 2022 I got another ticket and found myself going to two comedy shows. Good times! With my dad’s passing I got two tickets this year and after my father passed, I decided I needed a lot more funny in my life. So, I bought three more comedy tickets. My predicament has been now I’ve seen a few comedians in recent years I like to see them the following year too. But this year I also decided to see some shows of people I’ve always wanted to see but never gotten to.

This week I’ve seen Danny Buoy. He’s been coming to the festival for ten years and he has definitely picked up a bit of Aussie. What can I say? We like him. Think the feeling is mutual. Saturday night, I went to see Ivan Aristeguieta. Who I saw last year. Ivan has made Australia his home coming from Venezuela. He’s now a citizen after making Australia his home for the last eleven years.

Here’s the crazy thing. he has worked out our culture and expresses it back to us in such a way it really is funny. You would hope so, without giving too much away it’s interesting to see your culture given back to you in such a way you have taken it for granted and its hilarious and he does Aussie Bogan to a T. Seriously, we all want to have a Bogan friend, but we don’t want to be that Aussie Bogan friend. I will allow Noelle to explain Aussie Bogan as she does best, with a meme.


I’ll just say, America. It’s like a Redneck, without the guns and ammo or the roadkill. You can find Ivan on Tik Tok and Instagram.

Ivan Aristeguieta – Citizen | Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2023

And Sunday night while I’m putting this post together, I went to see Kitty Flanagan, a self-confessed Single Barren Spinster. It’s where I’ve taken it from. Although not from Melbourne originally, she relocated to Melbourne just in time for all our lockdowns. We love her and Sydney is not getting her back.

Here are some photos of one of the nights. Send a view from across the street standing in front of the Atheneum.

I have more of Ivan. My friend did stalker very well.

Stays tuned for the next instalment, hit Like.

Migraine Helen

Published April 10, 2023 by helentastic67

Migraine Helen

If this post could have a longer title, it would be “How to get a migraine in one easy step!” What’s that? I imagined I could sneak a little fun social catch up into my boring life without consequences.

Anyone with disabilities will tell you, they will try every now and again to put something fun into their life to break the monotony. But while its great at the time it always comes with a cost. I’ve been trying to get to something in the inner West for about six months. A friend goes to something every Wednesday and I’d booked my Friday carer to go with me, her plans changed and another carer was able to assist me. I’d arranged my local artist friend Larissa MacFarlane to join us. She’s the friend from the radio interview I did from a few weeks ago. You can catch that interview again here if you missed it.

Lara was also the driving force behind the advisability Murals “Disability Pride!” Already, I digress, the event I hear you ask? Drag Bingo. The venue required me to get up and down a flight of stairs. I haven’t been to a Drag show for twenty years, back at the (the greyhound) But Drag and Bingo? You will never hear the word “Bitch!” Repeated so appropriately in the same night. Zena Ghost was her name; you can see her on Instagram. She had three costume changes throughout the night. The last one she had worn to the recent Melbourne Grand Prix, she had mentioned three Drag Queens had been employed for the event, they were told to dress “Conservatively” I don’t think she hadn’t? She finished the set with Rihanna’s “Shut Up & Drive!”

If you want to read more on the Melbourne Grand Prix other than my experience while working in a big shed in Richmond twenty years ago, hearing the cars practice the weeks leading up to the race, hearing the news helicopters overhead and living in Prahran, close by in the ‘90’s. I’m just saying. Noisy and Loud! So, happy living Northside during footy and Grand Prix season, check out William’s blog. He knows what he’s talking about. http://www.williamsperfectride.com

But, I digress again. Here’s how Hell gets a migraine? Sitting this close to the stage. It’s too close. With the lights and the loud, the 360’s sensory overload. It’s too much.

Oh, yeah, and all the audience participation. The Pronouns being thrown about just needing to be included. Calm down? I get it’s a safe space for the LGBTQI+ community but when the Drag queen found a badge of a footy player, she looked towards the table of Hetro Admin chicks to see if there were any takers. Sorry if you are into AFL or Rugby, however in Australia the players of these sports have not had the best behaviour in public or otherwise and have rightly been publicly shamed for posting poor social behaviour on social media. Female comedians have made jokes that if straight women stop having sex with them, we could breed them out. Because apparently bogan sport’s men breed bogan sports people. Sorry, you all know it’s just the men, elite sports women don’t do stupid things in bathroom urinating and catching it on smart phones to later posting on social media. Smartphone, it’s an oxymoron, isn’t it?

So, Thursday, the day after Drag Bingo, Migraine Helen, it hurts! Feel awful, I normally describe myself as having a migraine every day that ends in “Y” but they are the Walking/Talking kind of migraine where I can still manage a semblance of adulting. But occasionally I need to reassess my day and greet my carer with a succinct “You need to listen to me. You need to hear and understand!” Because the first mission is for us to get out and get a Jab of Tramadol in my arse, then it’s back home to bed before it knocks me out. So, any goals that needed achieving had to be communicated effectively before I’m out. Thursday being the day before Good Friday means my shopping and any Hunter/Gathering must get done as Good Friday is a public holiday. My regular Girl Friday who is often out doing my shopping on autopilot was not my Girl Thursday so I’d had to tell my carer which milk to get and which kitty litter, etc.

I knew I’d be spending my Easter weekend alone on my couch watching TV, eating good food and chocolate. I just hadn’t expected I’d be doing it hung over from a Migraine and I don’t even drink! I do not know how people that drink do it.

A regular prize in bingo was a shot of “Wet Pussy” (A short glass of some sort of potent Peach drink), the woman at our table that won it several times but donated it to someone else because she didn’t drink. Drag Bingo is definitely a drinking game.

Highly recommended if you wanna see an impersonation of a Britney Spears-era 15 year old teenage girl dancing in her bedroom like no one is watching. Not a negative. Then Drag Bingo is for you.

Meanwhile, it’s Easter Sunday morning 4am and I can’t sleep. Hence, I’m writing this.

Meanwhile, Melbourne is also in the 40th year of the Melbourne International comedy festival and I went all out and have five tickets this year. (I’m doing hard Mass and it’s not been running 40 years, but it started in 1987. Can you do the sums? Please.

My first comedy show is tomorrow night as in Tuesday. So far so good. The next is Saturday night and the people that I got tickets to go with me have already pulled out so I’m trying to find two others to go with me and make sure I get home in one piece.

Hope everyone survived Easter.
And hit Like!

Crazy Lady Hormones

Published April 3, 2023 by helentastic67

Crazy Lady Hormones

I have a parcel collection at a location close to home for when I have deliveries bigger than my letterbox. It’s at a Post Office inside a Chemist. I walk in and by the time I get to the counter for the post office they have seen me and located my parcel and it is waiting on the counter. How? You know what I’m saying?


The woman behind the counter has my parcel on the counter ready for me to take it. Service! Right? Or I get a lot of parcels and they just need the room for whatever will arrive fresh each day. I prefer the first option, that they just provide good service.

I have a tendency to tell them what I’m getting to amuse them and brighten their day a bit. The plague made snail mail (post office’s) as busy as Christmas season.

So, a few weeks ago I scoop up my parcel announcing “It’s my Crazy Lady Hormones!” from Queensland. I only ordered these Thursday, they were there the following day and I got to scoop them up the following Monday. I can see how they must have bigger parcels sit there longer to collect, hence the swift moving to the counter for me to collect.

Upon the look I received from the older woman, who I imagine thinks I’m too young for crazy lady hormone dramas, I announce “Yes! Got the hot flushes!” As she’s older than I am I enquire “when do they end?” Secretly hoping she doesn’t say something that kills my soul. Then she announces, “Helen I’m 64 and I’ve still got the hot flushes.

All I can think is, great. So, they last till I’m dead then? She killed my soul.

Hot Off the Press – 27th March 2023

Published March 27, 2023 by helentastic67

Hot off the Press

Reminiscent of days gone past, in my earlier Blogging days when one post each week unpacked the chaos, highlights and lowlights of my average week. 2023 seems to have stepped up a notch on my version of hectic.

Monday, had a day trip to Mornington for a meeting. Dropped some cash down there. Came home with a brand-new winter Doona cover and pillowcases. Still do not know why I keep buying the matching pillowcases as I only have one pillow on my bed these days. More than that, get in the way of me being able to see the bedside clock on the other side of the bed.
Also, got to Coffee Traders & Tutti – Fruity.

Don’t know when my migraine set in but it was definitely well rooted Tuesday. These days I have two kinds of migraines, Tuesday I had the kind I can still function doing walking/talking. Weirdly, it’s a pity because I had many calls and emails to do. The kind of calls I had to growl at people. By the time I’d made all my calls I was on a roll and prepared to volunteer to do others calls that required some growling also. My one appointment at home ended up getting cancelled as my young Neurophysio cancelled due to being ill. Me thinks being his turn to bring treats, again he begged off. I’m trying to teach him to take in turns. He’s a sweetheart and I like to tease the young ones.

Wednesday, a late start and off to chiropractor. Even more needed with the migraine. The kind that happens every day ending in “Y”.

Did a few chores arranging my standard gift for bereavement.

My uncle passed a few weeks ago. He had a very short time after diagnosis and then he was gone. Brutal! I didn’t get to go to his funeral as it was Interstate and family didn’t consider including me in their plans to fly. I had briefly toyed with going and taking a carer from Melbourne using NDIS funding. I still would have had to cover their flights and accommodation and funding would have taken at least $1000 hit and then I would have needed to hire a car, honestly. What a drama, so stressful. Even if I could have gone, I would have been so exhausted it would not have mattered, just might have been nice if it had occurred to others to offer to help.

Thursday, another day at home planning to execute my plan of World Domination, a little joke I have. Really, just a plan to survive day to day and make it through the week. Otherwise, a day of rest as my migraine continues.

Friday, my second chiropractic appointment and then and then the usual hunter/gathering including a trip to South Melbourne to see my hand specialist. Had a local anaesthetic then a cortisone shot for my trigger thumb. Not as fun as it sounds, even managed to fit in a fall on Friday, narrowly avoiding landing on a star picket. So glad I missed that.

Finished Friday heading to Collingwood to deliver the other Lilly to my cousin. Thanks to my evening taxi driver Young Deepak. Even Young John would appreciate him. He’s, our people. Dinner at 10pm, emails until late. Nothing new there.

This last week I’ve also been trying to get my head around a new piece of tech. A PVR, I suspect this added to my migraine but how can I tell?

The weekend I try to be as off-grid as possible. So, even Sunday night as I smash out this blog post, I’m already making my outreach calls while I watch a show in the background. At least I’ve a day at home tomorrow.

And my favourite thing about my Friday Wheel-Woman this week. And yes, it had AC and a CD Player. And it’s red.

Fingers crossed this coming week is calmer and less chaotic. Hope you are all doing well? Please hit Like.

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