Migraine Helen

If this post could have a longer title, it would be “How to get a migraine in one easy step!” What’s that? I imagined I could sneak a little fun social catch up into my boring life without consequences.

Anyone with disabilities will tell you, they will try every now and again to put something fun into their life to break the monotony. But while its great at the time it always comes with a cost. I’ve been trying to get to something in the inner West for about six months. A friend goes to something every Wednesday and I’d booked my Friday carer to go with me, her plans changed and another carer was able to assist me. I’d arranged my local artist friend Larissa MacFarlane to join us. She’s the friend from the radio interview I did from a few weeks ago. You can catch that interview again here if you missed it.

Lara was also the driving force behind the advisability Murals “Disability Pride!” Already, I digress, the event I hear you ask? Drag Bingo. The venue required me to get up and down a flight of stairs. I haven’t been to a Drag show for twenty years, back at the (the greyhound) But Drag and Bingo? You will never hear the word “Bitch!” Repeated so appropriately in the same night. Zena Ghost was her name; you can see her on Instagram. She had three costume changes throughout the night. The last one she had worn to the recent Melbourne Grand Prix, she had mentioned three Drag Queens had been employed for the event, they were told to dress “Conservatively” I don’t think she hadn’t? She finished the set with Rihanna’s “Shut Up & Drive!”

If you want to read more on the Melbourne Grand Prix other than my experience while working in a big shed in Richmond twenty years ago, hearing the cars practice the weeks leading up to the race, hearing the news helicopters overhead and living in Prahran, close by in the ‘90’s. I’m just saying. Noisy and Loud! So, happy living Northside during footy and Grand Prix season, check out William’s blog. He knows what he’s talking about. http://www.williamsperfectride.com

But, I digress again. Here’s how Hell gets a migraine? Sitting this close to the stage. It’s too close. With the lights and the loud, the 360’s sensory overload. It’s too much.

Oh, yeah, and all the audience participation. The Pronouns being thrown about just needing to be included. Calm down? I get it’s a safe space for the LGBTQI+ community but when the Drag queen found a badge of a footy player, she looked towards the table of Hetro Admin chicks to see if there were any takers. Sorry if you are into AFL or Rugby, however in Australia the players of these sports have not had the best behaviour in public or otherwise and have rightly been publicly shamed for posting poor social behaviour on social media. Female comedians have made jokes that if straight women stop having sex with them, we could breed them out. Because apparently bogan sport’s men breed bogan sports people. Sorry, you all know it’s just the men, elite sports women don’t do stupid things in bathroom urinating and catching it on smart phones to later posting on social media. Smartphone, it’s an oxymoron, isn’t it?

So, Thursday, the day after Drag Bingo, Migraine Helen, it hurts! Feel awful, I normally describe myself as having a migraine every day that ends in “Y” but they are the Walking/Talking kind of migraine where I can still manage a semblance of adulting. But occasionally I need to reassess my day and greet my carer with a succinct “You need to listen to me. You need to hear and understand!” Because the first mission is for us to get out and get a Jab of Tramadol in my arse, then it’s back home to bed before it knocks me out. So, any goals that needed achieving had to be communicated effectively before I’m out. Thursday being the day before Good Friday means my shopping and any Hunter/Gathering must get done as Good Friday is a public holiday. My regular Girl Friday who is often out doing my shopping on autopilot was not my Girl Thursday so I’d had to tell my carer which milk to get and which kitty litter, etc.

I knew I’d be spending my Easter weekend alone on my couch watching TV, eating good food and chocolate. I just hadn’t expected I’d be doing it hung over from a Migraine and I don’t even drink! I do not know how people that drink do it.

A regular prize in bingo was a shot of “Wet Pussy” (A short glass of some sort of potent Peach drink), the woman at our table that won it several times but donated it to someone else because she didn’t drink. Drag Bingo is definitely a drinking game.

Highly recommended if you wanna see an impersonation of a Britney Spears-era 15 year old teenage girl dancing in her bedroom like no one is watching. Not a negative. Then Drag Bingo is for you.

Meanwhile, it’s Easter Sunday morning 4am and I can’t sleep. Hence, I’m writing this.

Meanwhile, Melbourne is also in the 40th year of the Melbourne International comedy festival and I went all out and have five tickets this year. (I’m doing hard Mass and it’s not been running 40 years, but it started in 1987. Can you do the sums? Please.

My first comedy show is tomorrow night as in Tuesday. So far so good. The next is Saturday night and the people that I got tickets to go with me have already pulled out so I’m trying to find two others to go with me and make sure I get home in one piece.

Hope everyone survived Easter.
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