Gloves 4 Love

Published April 27, 2018 by helentastic67

Gloves

Gloves 4 Love

Today, some weeks after attempting a process of buying gloves for both my carers and myself with some of the NDIS funding I have been allocated, I was discussing with the woman over the phone whether to commit to buying boxes or cartons. Um? How many in a box? How many boxes to a carton?

Gloves 4 Love

I’m likely moving in the next few months, so I explained if I have a Costco size store of rubber gloves here my mum will demand – Why the hell did you order so many?

Carton of gloves

So, to avoid unnecessary grumpy, I only ordered three boxes, two for the carers and one for me.

Why do I have to buy them theirs?

But she did laugh when I briefly toyed with getting a bulk supply and moving them on the black market.

Black Market

Is there a black market for latex gloves?

Sometimes it’s the little things, the humour came out to play again.

Funny gloves

One of my favourite things people will say or ask of me when they ask me what happened to me is. “You should see the other guy?”

See the other guy

Sometimes it’s all about where you are, when asked. Today a man asked me this while in the waiting room at the Acupuncturist. I thought for a moment if he was familiar with me and a friend who I used to chat with while waiting to be stabbed.

Look familiar

I decided no, he wasn’t familiar with my friend Damo and responded as he intended and responded “Dead”

But I felt the need to explain my moment of contemplation and explained my friend used to get acupuncture here also, but has since decided he’s done with Acupuncture.

Meet my friend Damo.

Damo and Helen 3

He’s had two strokes! Note: how much better than me he looks.

Acquired Brain Injury Humour

Published February 10, 2017 by helentastic67

ABI Humour

I imagine most people with a serious medical condition or a disability will find some solace in humour.

I confess I love the term “Wrong”, because it adequately covers my type of humour.

I often have a quick wit that people don’t understand or appreciate.

The other times my humour is ABI related and completely “Wrong”, it’s how I like it.

Here’s an idea of wrong……….the one I’m okay with putting on my blog at least.

I sometime get hay fever. Luckily most years at Springtime I haven’t been getting hay fever, but the last time the conversation came up at an ABI Social group I was going to, I commented; “Yeah! Haven’t had hay fever for years, but this year I’ve blown my brains out!”

The facilitator looked at me a little startled as I am one of the less “Brain Injured people of the group.” So, I guess I’m saying I get held to different standards.

I stopped “What? I’ve been blowing my nose a lot!”

I give a frown and a bit of a shrug and move on.

There are times I refer to the other “thing” which also includes a reference to Jackson Pollock, but not today…

MRI

Published January 23, 2017 by helentastic67

mri

MRI

I recently received the results from my latest MRI. My GP quickly reassured me “You’ve still got a brain in there!”

Yeah, thanks! Standard ABI humour!

He then proceeded to tell me the technician who did the report for the MRI was so shocked by the AVM he rang my GP the morning he was next at work, to ask if he was aware of what he had just found.

avm-meme

When he told me this part, I smiled a little and mentioned I had told them I had an AVM! And did they not read the referral?

We both agreed they had not!

Bloody Nora!

The MRI was to tell me if there had been any damage from a fall I had, had years earlier and many other things had taken precedence at the time including my maybe dislocated left shoulder.

funny-falling-cliff

Having not seen the Specialist I had meant to see at my hospital at the Specialist Clinic a month earlier.

My GP had referred me instantly to have the MRI under a scheme where if it’s thought to be Cancer, you get prioritized and it was bulk-billed.

When the receptionist had taken his call. She had asked how serious it was? He booked it for me while I pointed to times in my diary that were better.

He answered “Well, it’s the brain! So, it’s pretty important.”

And it was booked amongst everything else the following week.

end-picture

The Massage

Published January 20, 2017 by helentastic67

untitled-1

Untitled

I think my body image has taken a hit in the last 10 years! But not my sense of humour!

No man has seen me naked for nearly that long!

This week a 20-year old guy gave me a relaxation massage. Wait! Don’t get too excited.

He pulled the curtain back and said “Just take everything off and get under the towel.” I must have started a little because he then said “You can keep your underwear on!”

massage-1

So, I presumed it was a negotiation and counter offered with “How about I leave everything on from the waist down and you work on my back and my Carpel Tunnel and if there’s time my feet?”

He came around to my way of thinking and I got ready. Should point out it’s really hard to lie on my tummy with my left arm by my side.

Putting the towel over me, it’s just never going to happen. He returned and I asked his help to take my left arm out from under me.

massage

He did this and I told him I had to do one last thing before I was ready. He asked what it was?

I told him I had to tuck my left ‘girl’ under me. He replied he could not help me with that. I told him he could “but neither of us were ready for that.”

Don’t think I’m super wealthy, that massage was at a free clinic, I attend where the students volunteer their time so they can get experience.

I like to reward them with my humour.

massage-2