Power Down

Published September 25, 2023 by helentastic67

Power Down

If you saw my blogpost a bit ago where you actually saw me doing a radio interview. You may have noticed I didn’t look at the camera much.

Recent conversations with my Nueropsych where I explained if I’m talking to someone I know, I don’t bother making eye contact. I know who they are, I trust them in my personal body space, I know what they look like so I’m only needing to engage in the conversation. Occasionally, I’ll look up at them to find they are staring deep into my eyes.

This is not to sound romantic at all and I’m generally taken aback being pinned by someone’s eye contact. In reality, I need to cater to my loss of eyesight in ways you cannot imagine all the time. I move people from my peripheral vision on my left to somewhere on my right. When people loiter in my blind spots my brain is trying to see/make-out what it can’t see and in this process, I get a migraine and generally, people I’m trying to see do not stand still. This adds to my brain strain.

So, it is to say, my nueropsych explained by not making eye contact with people it’s how I preserve my energy.

I thought it was how I Powered Down.

Bullying

Published September 18, 2023 by helentastic67

Bullying

I don’t know what it is with bullying these days. Wait, hear me out. When I was young, I was bullied although we called it something else. It made us tough, but we had to say terrible things to a person’s face.

I’m not going to ever suggest kids these days are soft. I am going to say, kids these days get it easy. If they couldn’t hide behind their computer screens and their fake profiles, they would see the damage they do on the cold face.

Kids these days skip a lot of stages and very quickly go to “you should kill yourself!” I wanna meet those kids, they deserve to be throat-punched. I think it’s akin to, I want you no longer breathing.

I’ve never done it, but I like threats that people never know if I’m serious or when they will get delivered my threats.

Young kids need to learn of the consequences of their actions. Can they please stop telling other kids they should kill themselves?

No! I mean it!

Part of my Existential Crisis series

Published September 10, 2023 by helentastic67

Part of my Existential Crisis series.

Sometimes, with advocacy it’s really hard to get the point across to people who you might be applying for funding or navigating the system to get the care/help you need to survive.

Funding, whether it’s DSP or NDIS the people who make the decisions about if you even qualify or not, don’t have the same lived experience that you do? it’s helpful to

Do I hit them with all the information so at least maybe something hits? or

2. Cut things back to the basics.

What!? You didn’t expect I had the answer to this did you? I live in this space every day of this TMI (too much information) territory, or do I give people as little as possible?

It never ends.

How much do I need to tell people to get from them what I need, for them to do their job properly, for me to do or achieve what I need to do to get through the day/week, etc. Just so I can manage to get to the next day.

It’s frustrating to think I’m not trying to do anything super amazing in life; go on holidays, have children, look after children, have a dinner party. I don’t know. what is considered normal. I just want to be able to do tomorrow, well todays been a lazy day so I should hope tomorrow I smash the shit out of the day.

And my goal is to at least be able to do that.

Clutter – Part 2

Published September 4, 2023 by helentastic67

Clutter – Part 2

What’s with this thing called Clutter? I think I could write about this for the rest of the year, but alas I will not.

Sometimes, change happens slowly. I have limited space in my home, but items migrate according to if I’m sorting, working on a project, or trying to get rid of it. It often comes out of hiding for short periods of time to be addressed and outsourced if I can then file back as if archived. Other items migrate until they find others destined for the same destination. Then I make a conscious effort to move that pile to its new forever home.

At times, areas get busier. Rarely is my desk clear, but I take some satisfaction in knowing stuff is getting achieved. The wheels keep turning. The lights keep going on and the bigger goals are often given up to a higher power to take care of and I just have to live with that.

There is still great satisfaction for seeing an area clear of clutter or mess, it just happens gradually and no one gets to judge me on the process.

Clutter – Part 1

Published August 28, 2023 by helentastic67

Clutter

Someone once said to me “A cluttered desk is a cluttered mind!” No, I did not punch them. Get a bigger desk. Sometimes, a cluttered desk is a sign of being stressed and having too much on the go and not enough time to do it all.

Solutions.

Stop saying “Yes” to everything, manifest people into your life to outsource things too.

Others would just drop their standards of quality, but I can’t. My Quality Control slipping would do my head in.

I guess it’s a perfect balance or ethics and being High Functioning. Should I get a drinking habit? Don’t answer that!

Could be why I get so frustrated?

Busy Brain – Part 2

Published August 21, 2023 by helentastic67

Busy Brain Part 2

I promised something to the ladies of a group I’m in these days about how to manage a busy brain and a busy home.

Now, we don’t like the term “clutter!” Because it has so many negative connotations. But everyone has stuff that gathers around their home waiting for someone to decide what is its destiny, where it needs to go and how it should best get there.

When you have limited spaces, disabilities and limited ability to get out and about it’s made all the more difficult.

In a safe space, as this group has become, I share this information. I have processes to things that come into my home.

Mail is opened. It sits on my couch, my work area until I process it. Appointments are added to my diary. Post-it notes are added to letters, bright colours with dates/Day/Times. Letters put in my “Out-tray” area and my “Out Tray” is officially a three-tiered trolley on wheels where I put my bag for when I go out.

Under the top shelf items are briefly stored or built up until I go places where I can donate things. Like batteries to be recycled. (Aldi) Or printer ink cartridges. (Officeworks!) Generally keep the ink cartridge box there to, so I take it with me for a refill.

I find I am constantly building networks all the time, so I put people and things together to help me solve not just my problem but others around me.

Everyone complains they can’t dispose of their XYZ, old printer or mattress or something.
Previously mentioned Frank was to take my mattress to the tip. I was even going to go with him, so he didn’t get tempted to dump it next to someone else’s hard rubbish to save me money.

He looked at my old mattress and while I’d bought a brand-new mattress so I could get rid of my 20-year-old mattress he knew people that were sleeping on old, wet, mouldy mattresses. Not even springs were sticking out of my old mattress. I’m just saying we all need a Frank in our lives.

Also, What? You don’t know if his name really is Frank? It might be Fred. You should all know by now.

Internal Weather

Published August 14, 2023 by helentastic67

Internal Weather

Recently, I’ve been part of a bunch of different community groups on zoom. They are groups big and small with people with all kinds of disabilities. It’s been good as at the beginning we all are asked what our internal weather is. It’s like a check in.

Today, I answered with what would solve the short-term problems I had. I was fresh from an hour long zoom that was just two of us and a very friendly chat.

So, my answer was “Nothing that would be fixed with food, chocolate, coffee, sleep and drugs.” and sometimes, I think this is too easy. I’ve just written another blog post.

Death

Published August 6, 2023 by helentastic67

Death

And death, let’s not forget death. Death ends all pain.

Although I hope we are all on the same page, that I’m wanting to die after a long and happy life surrounded by more cats than I currently have.

So, I’m not planning to get to the finish line for a long time yet. Openly discussing mental health is important. We need to make it a far less taboo topic so people that struggle more feel they can talk to somebody who will listen. I was having a conversation with another woman today about the crazy lady hormones. As I do.

Because they are driving me fucking crazy of late. During the last years of navigating the Plague, OK, Covid-20 I had another diagnosis. To which I’m not at all impressed with. I have endo (endometriosis).

And I think I was also told I have a high pain threshold. Because, I’ve apparently had a lifetime of that too and didn’t notice.

Probably a good thing I wasn’t trying to have babies……right? But the good news is when I hit the actual Pause, it stops.

Pun not intended there, the symptoms from endo, they stop. And I said to this woman, I should fucking hope so!

You Get a Point

Published July 31, 2023 by helentastic67

You Get a Point

I’ve a new carer right now and it seems a genius time to mention my point system, as it’s as good as time as ever.

My Monday carer washes a nonstick frypan that I’ve used to make my Sunday omelette. She tells me the handle is a bit loose and asks do I have a screwdriver? Do I ever!

I look at her and announce, “YOU GET A POINT!” and I went for my Phillips head screwdriver. She saw where I got it from and knew where to return it when she was done. There is no whiteboard in my home where my carers can compete with each other for an elusive prize. My carers might never meet each other.

Before this carer left, I had reason to open my dishwasher to put something in. She had unpacked it and packed in a few things that had been stacked the night before when the dishwasher was in a cycle, I notice how she had put them in.

Sweet Jesus! It’s the weirdest thing about human nature. No matter how many times my carers unpack the dishwasher, they will always stack it completely different. She LOST A POINT!

It’s really an amusing way I communicate to my carers when they do something that makes me extremely happy. Not just little as well as big things they notice and take care of for me. The above statement issuing and taking points are always delivered with a sharp glance and a cheeky smile, so they know the point system does not have any relevance as to if they get to come back.