End of an Era and Bad Habits

Published September 9, 2024 by helentastic67

So, as it is after 1am on the day this is to fly free I will attempt to keep this short and sweet. As if I could, I can but try.

After a successful weekend of films, Bridgerton, food and sleep and a lack of adulting I surfaced to prepare a late snack and coffee around 4pm Sunday, I made a sharp turn and found myself on the floor between my dining table chair and the kitchen bench. Yes, in simple terms I fell. I even reached up to stop the dinner plate that was still trying to settle on the table. If there was any other place harder to wriggle out of in my apartment, I don’t know where I would find it. But alas, extraction was achieved. When I am home and I find myself on the floor it is guaranteed I am home alone! Thoughts of how much I need a husband never more important than these times!

Falling halfway between my apartment door where I need to slide over and put my cuff and collar outside so whoever I can reach out to help me, can enter without me needing to slide over to let them in. My best option to have a fall is my bedroom to use the edge of my bed to lever myself up a little at a time. The bedroom is a location that offers carpet for under my knees and if I can message some upward direction, I have. Soft landing if I can raise myself that high. Because timing is simple, I had been awaiting the arrival of a friend that has been busy for the last year since I saw her last. She recently returned from eighteen days in Turkey. A photo of a different cat every day as requested I did not receive. She did try to pass off the same cat photo two days in a row but stated it was so hot there I withdrew my request. Alas, she returned with treats and I had to message her that I was on the floor and that I would find someone and dispatch them to bring her upstairs.

If you are new here, pre-Covid I had created a social media page to build community to help each other who are living in this apartment complex. Living in an apartment complex allows people to hide, it seems to encourage hiding unsocial practices because poor recycling habits and dumping broken furniture can be kept hidden and those that do these things can avoid reproach. This group allowed me to message a neighbour to ask her mum to come down. She is a very slim, petite Yah-Yah and has enough arthritic issues as is. While I know she will hover really concerned I know she feels helpless and concerned. I give her some busy work and she puts my milk back in the fridge. I message another neighbour, a couple who were returning from Pilates. Yah, Yah went next door to grab that neighbour. She was asleep having been home from night shift as a nurse but her sister also a nurse came to assist. I was able to wriggle to the bedroom (equally tight spot beside my bed) this brought back Flashbacks to the OT who had assessed my home as having too much clutter. My then-carer Joshie (she shall be called!) laughed when I reported this. I queried why she laughed? She had confessed she had the same amount of “clutter” against walls as we both have stuff and never enough space. At least my clutter was normalised. Meanwhile, even while lying on the floor beside my bed I lifted the clutter to put it on the bed, at least it was out of my way.

The angle under my bed and I stated, “there’s a pack of toilet rolls hidden under here!”
More help arrived and having given up on getting up onto my knees and engaging my unemployed “core” to be more upright. I rolled to sit on my backside. I directed the only male in attendance to move behind me and after I disclosed how heavy I actually am (I’m just saying I weigh more than a feather and if someone’s about to lift me they need to know this) I don’t know why, but there is always something comforting about a Nurse taking your hand and telling you they are about to grab you by the waist-band of your pants and that it will only be uncomfortable for a moment. Thank Christ for weekend baggy tracksuit pants I say, or I would have had a wedgy.

The first person I hugged was the Yah-Yah, and I reassured her she had been of great help. I also reminded her, had she attempted to get me up I would have crushed her and she would have been found days later having expired. I don’t weigh so much, I’ll be getting my on-TV show, but I make this joke every time because despite how serious it all gets, it’s a great stress reliever.

On days I’m home, I often only put shoes on when I go out onto my balcony, but I’ll leave them on until late when I go off to bed, just to avoid slipping over. At one point before help came Mika (my cat) decided to come past, while my fall can be credited to socks on timber floor without shoes, Mika came towards me and one of her back legs went out from under her. So, it’s not just me. While sitting on the floor I also discovered a nice lump coming up on my chin. Never let it be said “Helen only ever does things by halves” I’m going to have a fun bruise on my chin and down the left side of my face I can’t wait to explain away this week.

I’m already trying a few out “this is not the result of day shit date gone wrong!” Full dark Yes! Or “I took it on the chin!” That is terrible, but I see myself saying it a lot this week. Or “I really did fall!” Here is a nice photo of my chin. Excuse the view up my nose.

One last mention to my Sunday carer that put a leave-in moisturizing treatment in my hair before putting it back up. Even with the fall, it didn’t move It’s not the best way to test if my bun is secured but here, we are. Shout out to her.

Also, a sadness to let go of the group I created for this building. My departure is imminent as the affordable rent I have appreciated for now seven years coming to an end soon. More of this to follow soon. Wow, it is 2am and I think time for bed, I have already secured my first of two-chiro appointment’s. Hope everyone has a good week. Note, not a question.

Can You Believe?

Published September 2, 2024 by helentastic67

Can You Believe

Just starting today with some much needed business, with a Happy Father’s Day for yesterday. As some of you may be aware its soon the second anniversary of my father’s passing, its crappy but it is what it is.

Meanwhile, yesterday marked the first day of spring in Australia and the first day of September. When the hell did that happen? I’m struggling with how quickly this year has gone, anyone else feeling like this year has flown with seemingly not much to show for it?

Also, almost a little Hot Off The Press Moment. Last night I was at Hamer Hall in Melbourne seeing the Celeste Barber show Back up Dancer.

4.3K views · 58 reactions | Celeste Barber on tour | Comedian Celeste Barber has announced her Australian stand-up tour! She came on TODAY this morning to tell us all about it. #9Today | WATCH LIVE 5.30am | By TODAYFacebook

4.3K views · 58 reactions | Celeste Barber on tour | Comedian Celeste Ba… Comedian Celeste Barber has announced her Australian stand-up tour! She came on TODAY this morning to tell us a…

My friend went to get us drinks and returned with a can of “Not Coke!” and it came with a plastic cup that we were to tip into the plastic cup, we were not allowed to take in the can. “What do you think we are going to do with the can?” I asked. Apparently, the obvious was “throw it” I asked why someone would throw a can at Celeste? and I followed this with “She’s, our Queen!” (Can not believe I said that!)

My next fine example of wit was to the next staffer, an Usher who was to direct us to our seat. “Where are you sitting?” to which I responded, “On my bum!” and I think our seats were too far back to do any damage to anyone on stage regardless of who they were with a can or otherwise. We know this is not the point. I’m just saying my coffee must have kicked in. What can I say? I’m pretty witty.

Meanwhile, if you are unfamiliar with all things Celeste consider yourself having just been given homework? Go, immerse yourselves in all things Celeste Barber on both Instagram and Tik Tok if you dare. I’m just saying, I cried with laughter, but I seriously cried. and my pelvic floor was already in tatters.

From the start to the very end and occasionally when all was quiet from the stage a giggle would break out from somewhere in the audience, including mine. I must say, I really love when comedians bring the audience into their world and share parts of who they are and some anecdotes about their lives you would never imagine, so human, and so funny.

I’m yet to write my posts about the shows I saw in the 2024 Melbourne International Comedy Festival, but this year Celeste is the first of two shows I’ve booked outside the Festival and I’ve already booked a show for next year’s Festival. You know I have my Dad to thank.

Migraines and Sports

Published August 26, 2024 by helentastic67

Migraines and Sports

I’ve had migraines since I was young. I don’t remember when they began, I just remember how my Mum solved them. I remember she made a furtive call to whom I didn’t know. Then she would take me on a drive, across town, out on the old freeway, down the road opposite my first primary school, down a dirt road that was a driveway, and after parking next to a building, we entered from the back into a waiting room. it had plywood panels on the walls with long coloured ribbons hanging around most of the wall space.

Apparently, my osteo was also a bull breeder that had awards, not your average osteo. He had a rather Dutch name. Upon entering a buzzer alerted the Doctor his patient had arrived and he would come in before we even sat down.

I remember the last time I went to see him; my dad had offered to take me as he had come home from work and as my Mum had been busy making dinner he volunteered to take me. He didn’t know where it was so with my migraine I directed him. I have to say, he did not trust the location for this “hocus pocus” form of medicine. I remember going inside and how uncomfortable he was. The Doctor arrived and I had to remove my T-Shirt, never does a 12-year-old girl feel so uncomfortable. a towel draped over my non-existent boobies, adjustments, massage and stretching and a payment made then back home again for the magic to settle the pain.

Forty years later, I still see a chiropractor and yesterday I told her I’d had a weeklong Walking/Talking migraine which is my regular these days, it’s just enough to annoy me but not enough to cripple me so I can ignore adulting and responsibilities and just go to bed.

She asked what parts of my face was I feeling it? Because I can usually narrow it down. Left eye, right eye, the thing, the thing or the other thing, this time, while lying on my back I used my hand to wave over my face. “My face! my whole fucking face! like I’ve been hit in the face with a basketball!” I’m really glad people can find humour in my pain.

I do sometimes wonder what happened to that Osteo who breeds bulls and I did about 15 years ago see someone down in Geelong that turned out to be the nephew with the same surname. What a tiny world we live in. It does weirdly help.

Problem Solving

Published August 19, 2024 by helentastic67

Problem Solving

Sometimes, family that don’t spend time together, having to work on a problem together helps form bonds.

Once upon a time, the first time I moved house after my disability and after my removalist cancelled five hours after he was to have started the job, by which time when he rang me to tell me he’d had to go to hospital and I would have preferred to have heard from his next of kin to tell me he had DIED.

My Mum, then early sixties and me one-handed, arrived at my new home to find my bed had not been put together by my removalists. To their credit, it wasn’t actually their job to put things together and I had been warned because when I was contacted for payment, they told me they had eventually given up and left because they didn’t want to waste my money. In both of our defence mum and I were both exhausted. Mum with upper back problems, me with recent lower back disc bulge surgery, we walked in the door and mum had already decided I would sleep on my mattress on the floor.

Not far from the front door I went to my bedroom door, took about two seconds to assess and problem solve what the men had not managed to work out. “The base is the wrong way around!” Mum literally dismissed this and told me I could sleep on the floor. I, however, was not going to make this bed twice, nor make her. I should probably mention, my bed was made by my dad, a builder, or a carpenter (a Chippy!) back when I was twenty-four-ish. It’s a timber Sleigh Bed. Although wisely at the time he convinced me to not shave the foot of the bed as tall as the bed head. Half the bedrooms that bed has been in, I’ve not been able to move around even three sides of the bed. Even the bedroom I have now, getting down the end of the bed to my ensuite, I hover to go sideways and my bedroom door does NOT close. So, the base of my bed is a slat base, I’ve recently described it as glued and screwed and built into a sturdy box, so it doesn’t move. Even twenty-five plus years later.

I encouraged mum to push boxes with heavy art books in them across the floor to put under the timber mattress. I helped and using only four or five, it took the weight of the base. I wriggled the foot of the bed and leaned it against the wall. We both pulled just a fraction on the base to detach it from the bed head, leaning that also against the other wall. We then carefully replaced the base, reattached the bed head then perfectly slotting the foot back onto the base. All the bolt holes matched. I recall we were both spent but I was determined. I think mum left me to sort the bolts. Fair, wriggling on the carpet to each corner then two bolts into the middle of the centre of the base into the bed head. With the shifter to tighten and it was done.

The Average Day of Getting Sh*t Done – Part 2

Published August 11, 2024 by helentastic67

The Average Day of Getting Sh*t Done Part 2

As you may recall, it was as per usual bestowed upon me to sort out getting my mobility scooter back on the footpath (it does not go, or should not be driven on the road) somebody had asked me in this process, there should be somebody to do this for me? I really wanted to give her a “Yes! You Bitch!” but we all know that’s not appropriate? Hence, why this ‘Bitch’ did it with little help.

I think the same day service took two weeks in which time I could have been out every day on my scooter and it was all the more exhausting without Hellowheels. It also only cost me 80% of the NDIS funding (for repairs) I have for such things and all the other things I can’t get, for instance, reports etc. So I can get them done?

You will be pleased to hear I had asked if I could get NOS installed? It’s OK, he didn’t know what this was either.

I referred to the Fast & the Furious franchise, where even if you only saw the first film, I described it as that magic button the drivers use at the critical point in the drag race to increase speed.

NOS, apparently Nitrous? Google has not helped me further on this, but it’s enough, right? After Eric was done installing my new batteries, all while I was doing my intro over the phone on speaker, Eric returned, letting himself into my apartment with my spare keys, he had almost forgotten to return them. I offered him a homemade Black Forest Biscuit, suggesting me take it for his drive as he bit into it right in front of me.

When he returned with my keys, he touched the bridge of his nose informing me he just realized he had bumped his nose as it had dried blood on it. I told him to “Come here!” as I opened a jar beside me on the couch and “take this and go look in the mirror in there!” I transferred the cream from my finger to his in my efforts to provide basic First Aid.

Eric departed and I wound up my call, doing my own referral over the phone to my new Shrink.

It’s all in a day’s work. I’m also while very grateful I have the capacity to do this, if I couldn’t who would?

The Average Day of Getting Sh*t Done

Published August 5, 2024 by helentastic67

The Average Day of Getting Shit Done

Today’s title seems like an angry way to start but it is what it is. Yesterday I went to get out on hellonwheels when the poor girl could barely get out of B1, (basement carpark) so after limping back to my shed to put her back on charge and confirmed she was actually charging (it was), meanwhile my phone in my bag was going off, surprising, considering the amount of concrete I was under.

Back upstairs, I called to reschedule my physio appointment again. I should be getting there to get electrocuted every fortnight but lately every time I book my appointment, I end up needing to bump it, to prioritize something else.

Then, I go through my mental list of the calls necessary to get my scooter back to being a problem solver and not a hindrance. So, I call the people that used to solve it before the NDIS.

I start all my calls the same way, “Hi, I’m Helen, how are you?” And after I start this way, they usually assume I’m calling on someone else’s behalf, WTF! She is ME people!

I am distinctly aware most people don’t call on their own behalf, but this is how I get shit done and I can’t rely on anybody (should I finish the sentence there?) to do all the things for me to keep me independent.

Don’t take my grumpy tone as complaining, I’m very appreciative I can do this stuff, but I could do without the Busy-Work.

Normal

Published July 29, 2024 by helentastic67

Normal

Here is something different today for you.

It annoys the fuck out of me that when I dare to imagine life can be more about what normal people take for granted, that despite how I put all the things in place, shit goes sideways and despite my best effort, in my effort to put bandaids on it, the bandaids start to need bandaids and eventually it’s too late to perform a miracle. I need to be rescued or I need a lifeboat.

By then I’ll pull the plug on doing something more in the league of doing “Normal” and it takes a lot to get motivated to try again.

I Live Alone

Published July 21, 2024 by helentastic67

I Live Alone

In previously mentioned zoom meeting, we discussed many things. One point came up where it was revealed a few of us live alone. One woman I had not met before stated “I live alone because I like the company!” Or it’s what I thought she said, but I responded with “I live alone because I fucking hate people!”

Turns out she had also stated she has the radio on because she likes the company, I still stand by my statement.

It’s not easy living with others when you have disabilities. It’s not easy to live alone either. It’s something I’ve tried to do since forever and its common to be taken advantage of financially and otherwise.

So I’ve heard.

Brittle

Published July 15, 2024 by helentastic67

Brittle

So, was in a Zoom meeting this week with a group I really enjoy being part of. It’s not completely women and sometimes I’ve been known to use the term, “Ladies!” Later thinking Damn it! Fucked it again.

Alas, I digress, at the start of every meeting we go around the group and do an internal weather check-in. If you are thinking this is soft, think again. It’s a chance to check in and find out how everybody is. Some meetings it’s also useful if there is anything that will get in the way of the meeting. In that meeting, I’m always tired, but share, I’ve got “Medicine and treats!” to get me through, medicine being coffee and treats being chocolate coated coffee beans just to begin.

I still got caught resting my eyes during the financial reports of that meeting. How do I know where the money went? I didn’t take it. Nothing worse than struggling to keep your eyes open and someone has obviously noticed because the split second your eyes stay closed a millisecond too long, they curtly say your name. PRESENT! Anyway, in the check in I mentioned I was feeling brittle. Going through the existential crisis again and then was a little too broken up to speak. But it became the topic of the day. My common crisis revolves around. Is this it now?

I have no real way to work to improve my financial situation, as I let go of groups and contacts I’ve been associated to in over fifteen years, I have reached my level to tolerate people and trying to make change in a group setting.

The two groups I’m still part of, I stay connected because I feel it’s always good to remain tethered somewhere. If you don’t and can’t work, you can’t drive to explore and be fully independent, your connections cease to be family, who might be far away, but people who actively choose to be part of your life.

There are always layers to grief and not just the loss of loved ones but the end of friendships, the history and shared experiences during the hard times. And the older we get the harder it is to give a flying tutti fruity to make new friends.

Middle Age

Published July 8, 2024 by helentastic67

Middle Age

I feel I’m now of an age (51) where when younger people, particularly those in their early twenty’s mention “when they were at school….” I pre-empt their next statement with “so, yesterday?”

I’m not going up to these very young humans out on the street, so I know they will take my comment with the humour it implies, because in the last fifteen years or so since my disability, I’ve had a lot of younger people with more qualifications than I have that I’ve forged friendships with.

The only problem with this, after you get over the music/pop-culture/etc differences where I give out lots of homework and eventually, they get who the likes of Diana Ross is.

Oh yeah, I take out my hair and I’ll catch a view of my boofy hair in a mirror. Even Mika doesn’t understand what has happened and who this weird woman is. I’m weird. Diana Ross? Not weird. You know that if you don’t know who that is? You just got homework. You’re welcome.

Then there’s the younger people in my life that have the freedoms to travel, work abroad, get married, settle down. Aaaaawwwwwhhhhhhh, it’s adorable, you can be happy for them and sad for me at the same time.