Not my best

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Grumpy! But consistent!

Published August 5, 2016 by helentastic67

Grumpy_bear

Grumpy! But consistent!

Once upon a time, back in the day of when I worked in clubs, I had a habit of standing near the ‘doorbitch’ off to one side.

Actually, at this point I should explain the ‘doorbitch’ was generally the ‘hot-sexy-chic’ with attitude outside checking for suitable clientele to be allowed into the venue. In this case, I am referring to the other ‘Hot-Chic’ who did none of the ‘take your money’ and give you other kind of attitude.

I used to stand to one side of her to wait for my friends to greet people I knew and assure them the next level of the club would soon be open and sometimes to give my drink-card to a grumpy patron who didn’t want to wait for their favourite DJ/floor to be open for their pleasure.

Sometimes, I stood there to be protective of the doorbitch, so I could do ‘Grumpy’ when anyone wanted to give her attitude.

Seriously! You have just walked up three flights of stairs before even paying any money! All you need to do now is pay some money (very little, really) then proceed to the bar (over-there) The DJ booth (over-there) and the dance floor (over-there)!

Have a good night!

Why the attitude?

Grumpy pants

So at times I enjoyed doing the stance of feet apart hands behind the back, polite smile but occasional snarl. Sounds bitchy – don’t I?

My boss came up to me and told me he ‘wanted me out there!’ Talking obviously, circulating and whatever.

And quite frankly, I’d been there from 9pm, I would still be there at 5am! And sometimes I didn’t want to have to be prostituted and paraded all fucking night so I would pick and choose my time Thank-you!

I would wander off to have it seem as if I was doing his bidding, but after I had done the rounds I would return to be told by the ‘doorbitch’ she didn’t care what the boss had said, she appreciated me being there. It made her feel ‘safe’!

The message here is ‘sometime you just need someone to stand out and do silent and overbearing grumpy to make sure people do their job/or just be a decent human being in this case.’

And then there’s today’s dilemma.

Tomorrow, I’m doing a day of training! A whole day! I know exciting!

Its training so I can sit on committee’s and boards and have a voice to make changes etc. Or else what’s the point of having a brain injury and the intelligence of being able to make it easier for others in the future.

Normally, on the Friday (fortnightly) I have certain services to clean my home and get taken shopping.

Trying to plan ahead, I contacted my service provider to move those services to the Thursday. I would still need a carer on Friday in the early/early morning (8am), so I could have help and be presentable and be able to get myself to the city to participate from 10.30am – 5pm!

grumpy sign language

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had to speak to negotiate, demand whatever for someone to do their God-Damn job and roster people at the correct time, so I can go to this training day!

It has gotten to the point that every time the service provider has failed to get this simple request right, I’ve called on my mum to step in and fix this!

As you can imagine, it’s not the first time and I rarely ask anyone to solve these things, but eventually I think enough is enough and it shouldn’t be this hard. And you can imagine my mum is over this as well, because she first tries to manage me! Which I hate.

Because I’ve still got to deal with what I still have to do. I need to eat, have caffeine so I can go pay a bill so I can keep awake and avoid the pre-dinner kip, so I can go to sleep before midnight…

So I can wake up at 8am and hopefully have a carer here who knows my routine, so I can start the day without too many busy questions, so I can have breakfast on the train into the city.

So, I can collect a coffee before going into training and so I can retain information and contribute not just to the training but to the community and to life.

Sometimes, I want my mum to do silent and grumpy and overbearing to get shit done…

Grumpy cat party animal

 

 

The Universe

Published August 1, 2016 by helentastic67

ask-for-what-you-want

The Universe!

Received a great message from the Universe today!

Have had a busy week and while rent is weeks away, I’ve been consulting my diary to schedule bill paying to take advantage of discounts for paying on time, and referrals to my chiropractor that means I can claim back from Medicare.

Every week before I go shopping I budget for cash out so I work with cash as much as possible, $5.00 for coffee here, $50.00 for my chiropractor there, beautician, etc. Because every bit counts. Every Thursday I check my accounts online and worry there’s not enough!

Last night I was considering if only I could afford some new bras! I don’t buy expensive bras. Certainly nothing special. These days it’s all about keeping the ‘girls’ restrained in comfort without the world seeing what kind of bra I’m wearing under my T – shirts!

These day’s I buy boring T – shirts, bras and I buy 2 for the price of 1! Sounds exciting doesn’t it? Not!

I’m happy these days if I can get one that isn’t fluoro orange and is a colour my carers can say “oh! Helen that’s a nice colour!” aqua by the way! That’s about as exciting as it gets! Sorry!

Anyway, I digress. I was considering when there would even be enough to pay the rent, pay the bills and get the Visa down a little (never ending)keep on top of ordering and affording the pills and ‘stuff’ and I could get 2 new bras! WHEN?

And, the Universe provided!

Some people may not be familiar with the concept of the “Universe”.

I’m not a big believer in God! Blind – faith, what-not! And I’m not criticising anyone who does. Do what you will unless it inflicts pain and injury upon others. However, I do have a belief that sometimes, if you’re a nice enough human being, give something to others and not try to live a selfish existence then maybe a higher being will reward or look after you.

And today, it happened!

In the mail came a registered envelope which I signed for. (Not an everyday occurrence) and when I opened it, there was a ‘thank you’ card!

Thank you card

From whom? What for?

And a $100.00 credit card voucher! Oh?

Still anxious from where it had originated………….

Last year, I had volunteered at a new ABI unit with my hospital across town for ½ a day!

I participated in an ‘audit’ to see all new ABI patients from now on at this one especially designed and purpose built unit. It’s for in-patients and while I was never in a position to require inpatient care (bonus) I could really see what a great facility they have built!

Do yourself a favour and avoid a brain injury! However, if you are in Victoria Australia and need to be in an ABI unit somewhere, this is the one you want to be at!

http://www.alfredhealthabirehab.org.au

Pity there are not more pictures, well I didn’t see any but it’s a great, clean new facility where you get your own room and private bathroom! (And just how important that is you don’t want to find out)

And anyway, was not expecting anything but a nice feeling from offering feedback of what I thought would be useful, etc and instead?

Helen gets hew bras.

New peace, love and respect for the Universe…

Dear God

Published July 29, 2016 by helentastic67

 

stumbling_block_-_how_much

Dear God!

Dear God! And I could say ‘Dear Fred!’ but that might be confusing. Sometimes when life is too hard and you have thrown me one too many hurdles in life and I can’t take it anymore. And all I can do to make my point is to hold people to ransom until I am heard and someone helps me!

Anyway, this was not how I wanted my next post to start, but it seems the best way to tackle the topic of some ‘shit’ that went down today.

Some people may think my disability is not as bad as theirs or be irrelevant because it’s just a brain injury! Or because I don’t seem physically challenged by my disability! So to explain;

Monday, I found a new ‘fucked-up’ way to pull muscles in my back and all I was trying to do was lie down on a massage table face down! Yes! Really!

While I do manage to get out to appointments one way or another and I manage to get myself home usually in one piece, it comes at a price and can take its toll and definitely more of this “shit” later because right now this is not my point.

I still need to advocate for myself at times and when I’m smart enough to know I’m getting a raw deal from my ‘Service Provider’ and they should be doing better. I dread to think how they treat others and that’s when people like you ‘God!’ don’t have the ability to cope as well.

This is why I advocate for people with A.B.I’s.

Today, while at a Brain Injury Self Advocacy Group’s monthly committee meeting one of our new members ‘Fred’ (we will call him) burst into the room just as we were finishing.

Let me premise this by saying; Fred was having a much shittier day than I was up until that point and his multiple A.B.I’s proving to be far worse than mine. He was very angry and had been to court, hence missing the meeting.

He blasted us with random facts about his situation that we obviously needed to know. But, for all his many issues we work largely as a referral/networking service and while we tried to recommend some Advocacy groups. He told us they had been less than helpful and that is me paraphrasing what he actually had to say about them. What he should have said was they had been less than helpful to him and I imagine if he dealt with all his situations and troubles in life the same way, he informed us today that we were not of much use to him.

After about 15 minutes of dealing with Fred’s fury, I had to leave because I started to feel sick. I really respect Russell Brand when he has been known to say;

“I don’t have a drug problem; I have a dealing with life problem!”

And that is the problem with Mental Health and that is when dealing with Chronic Medical and Health issues, the thing, the thing & the thing that lead to the serious mental health issues it’s hard to cope with the shit that happens and how to deal with them, so the already fragile mental health doesn’t get worse.

Now lastly, I don’t know that everyone followed this post and while the intention, the meaning and the conclusion, my point or at least a little out of it.

Now for a cuppa T.

stumbling

What Next?

Published July 11, 2016 by helentastic67

Attitude with lbp

What Next?

So, after diagnosis, you generally go through a stage of research and asking plenty of questions and travel to see different people and in my case getting a new job!

I recall reading a blog post of a guy in Sydney.

Because the arm is a potential for a stroke, aneurysm or plenty of other things one post comes to mind. This guy in Sydney wondered if he should be wearing a bike helmet around the house to protect his head or bear-down when going to the toilet.

You can appreciate how this stayed in my mind.

I think the first serious thing I did do was I stopped taking blood thinners (because after 20 years somehow it would make a difference?) So, no Naprogesic, those ‘Special blue pills’ that stop us killing men every month!

Was not happy!

To be clear, I DID NOT COME UP WITH THAT TERM, BUT I WISH I DID!

I recall one day at work surrounded by women and this one, an older woman asked me if I was okay.

They were aware I had my period at the time and had mentioned I was going to work quietly at my desk without moving around too much.

Ironically, I remember my response to her very clearly.

I indicated my belly button with my hand and stated I was fine from there down but my head was swimming!

So, no more blood thinners!

Santa

Published July 1, 2016 by helentastic67

Kris Kringle

Santa!

I’ve been asking people this month what they get from Santa?

I’ve only really got another week of this to go I think, anything past January might be pushing my luck, but generally the reaction I get is an odd look that tells me I’m being nosy and they don’t know why I’m asking. So I explain…

If you tell me what Santa gave you, I can judge if it’s a good present or a rubbish present. Yes, I’m a good judge of this! And of course, if you got a crap present then that tells me Santa thought you weren’t good last year!

Present is always a drama in our family. A few years ago we gave into my older sister’s insistence to do a Kris Kringle, so we only need to get one gift.

I love buying gifts, however cash strapped Santa is a bit of a mood-kill!

Christmas for me becomes the time I can ‘ask’ for the things I didn’t get for my birthday. And in recent years it’s been a way family could get things for me that I needed. Underwear! Yes! I know! It happened! The worst gifts at Christmas are jocks, socks and handkerchiefs! Unless you get Thunderpants!

They just make me so very happy!

Thunderpants

Check them out at http://www.thunderpants.co.nz

This year I also bought myself the two books I always hope for that are purposely released in time for the gift giving season.

Whatever Jamie Oliver’s latest cook book is and whatever new Patricia Cornwall book is also in stores.

I don’t read the novels anymore. With my eyesight it hurts to read but because of how organised I am, it hurts my pocket some to bury them but would hurt my brain more to thinking my bookcase is incomplete.

Bookcase 1

 

 

*Note – the books that are note spire facing out are the ones I’ve not read. So it’s how I can tell I’ve not read them.

P.S. Keep in mind I don’t wrap presents anymore it’s rather disappointing results when you have to gift wrap one-handed! But, I sent gifts home a few weeks earlier and they never got wrapped! Then, I had to remind them “Where were they?”

What did I do last year that was so bad?

 

Priorities

Published May 18, 2016 by helentastic67

 

Helens artworkPriorities!

So, these days I use a walking stick when I’m out of the house. There is a term for this. I am Ambulant!

And for those who are unfamiliar, I live in Melbourne Australia. Melbourne weather is known to be very erratic. I think crowded house was singing about Melbourne when they sang of ‘Four Seasons in one day!’

During the winter months, it helps to layer up with clothes because being Ambulant you really need to prioritise.

Walking stick or umbrella?

I sometimes after 8 years get a look of concern from the same people asking me if I have an umbrella.

Here is pretty easy, the answer is I GET WET…

The next one I think is pretty easy also.

Once a month I go to a committee meeting for a self-advocacy group I belong to. I cruise through Degreaves Street and pick up a coffee (medicine) to get me through the meetings.

So walking stick or Keep cup?

KEEP CUP!

Without my ‘medicine’ I don’t make it through those meetings. I often get a migraine just walking through the door and with a room full of people with an assortment of Brain Injuries I generally want to blow my brains out, pretty quickly…

Decisions

Published March 23, 2016 by helentastic67

decisions_mid[1]

Decision

To make a decision, I was given the mantra in my teenage years that if you couldn’t make a decision for yourself, the decision would be made for you and you may not always like the results.

The funny thing about being depressed is you might struggle to make even the most simplest of decisions.

Some people just on observation, get stuck in their own ‘shit’ so much they can’t make a decision to save themselves.

Start with small decisions, things you have to attend to everyday. Then build up to the bigger, harder stuff. If you have serious chronic Medical conditions, make a damn decision. If there are options to try to improve those conditions that will give you the possibility to return life to some form of normalcy try them!

Wait:     TRY THEM!!!

You don’t know, if you don’t try them.

Sometimes, making a decision can snowball and if you can fix the things that have held you back some of the other problems are easier to deal with.

Depression can lesson and life can be easier and happier.

The Worst

Published March 17, 2016 by helentastic67

The worst 3

The Worst!

Think I worked it out!

Haven’t ‘unpacked’ my whole story for you yet, but people often need to compete “my disability is worse than yours……”

I may have mentioned or not, but I always say, all disabilities SUCK!

Just in different ways. And it’s not a competition, but today I found a young lady on the tram in “my seat” and she had a black Labrador tucked in between her legs.

So, the answer is ….. The worst disability is sitting opposite said cute black lab and knowing I can’t pat it!

If you don’t know, the rule is, if a guide dog has it collar on – it’s working and shouldn’t be touched.

And it’s the worst because they are so cute and I just want to hug them and squeeze them and love them!

And I’m a cat-person…

The end…

Christmas!!!

Published March 14, 2016 by helentastic67

Christmas lights 1

Christmas!!!

So our Christmas lights have several settings. My sister the lighting tech support recently described one of the settings as the Epileptic Fit Setting.

I’m really lucky I’ve NEVER had an Epileptic fit!

At least not a Clonic Tonic (Grand Mal) seizure.

I have things that give me a migraine, but no epilepsy. Not complaining……just saying.

I once had an appointment with a room full of Neuro type specialists and they couldn’t believe I’d never had a fit considering the size and location of my AVM.

I told the Doctors I had been to my share of dubs and dance parties back in the day and stared at enough strobe lights.

Consider this as a silver lining.

I’ve never had an epileptic fit!

Held Hostage

Published March 11, 2016 by helentastic67

Ginger Cat 1

 

Once upon a time our family had a cat which had kittens. There was a Ginger cat which was called “Ginger Biscuit”. It very briefly had a rather wry misname of ‘Crumb’ when Mum baked out of the drive way and it didn’t get out of the way. It sustained a broken leg and after a very expensive trip to the vets, came home with a metal rod in its leg. He survived to sun bath on our concrete for his vitamin D, but alas that’s just background. The temperament of this particular cat was really sweet. I once picked him up and sat with him on the couch. At the start he didn’t much go for my need to sit with him on the couch, so I had to hold him to my chest with both arms. Poor Biscuit didn’t have a chance really, however luckily within 2-4 minutes he was touched in and fast asleep purring…

There is something about having a disability and being taken away from your home where you can maintain some of your own independence that is like being held hostage.

When at home, I can pretty much fend for myself. I don’t leave the house every day of the week if I can help it and I prefer to have the help of a carer on the days I do leave the house, but when I’m out of my comfort zone I have to rely on the volunteer assistance from family or friends. I cannot do my own hair, trim my own fingernails or toenails or dry and dress in a timely manner and endeavour. Eventually, like Ginger Biscuit I just accept fate and take what I can get, make the most of it and go to sleep.

And this plays on the depression.

If you think it’s a 1st world problem that I can’t do my own mani/pedi, I should be so lucky! My nails are soft these days and bend back causing pain, my left toenails if too long get stubbed and badly damaged. My left fingernails get in the way when I’m trying to exercise that hand and keep my fingers flexible. So, yes? My fingernails are an issue. But if you want a stronger example: try this.

Met a woman from the Barwon District, who had come to tell us of her experiences of the NDIS being piloted in her region.

She was in a wheelchair and probably in her late 40’s – early 50’s. She had a package to provide her carers and as she needed a Carer to go from bed to her wheelchair where she spent her day and to a toilet and back to her chair or bed, you might like to imagine the timing of her carers could be rather critical.

She gave the example that one particular day, she couldn’t wait to go to the toilet and her carer was some hours away, so she rang her service providers to request her carer earlier.

They could not provide it to her.

As she sat in her chair on the stage, she told us she couldn’t wait and in the best of spirits announced to us that when her carer did arrive at the rostered time she would have more of a mess to clean up!

Now, I’ve had some “shitty days!” But she was so brave to announce it to us like that and can you imagine it’s a way some people get held hostage to a situation far from their control…