When Disability Becomes Embarrassing – Part 1

Published September 17, 2018 by helentastic67

When Disability Becomes Embarrassing

There are many times my disability has been embarrassing or humiliating. However, this is one of those occasions where I was standing in front of a large room of people with a microphone shoved into my hand and all I could think was – “FARRRRKKKK” (you will forgive me for that shortly)

Microphone in hand

Then I was thinking, rather swiftly I might add. “What just happened? Who did that? Where did they go? Help! Now what? How do I get myself out of this situation?”

What just happened

Now, to back up a second, I will put this situation into perspective. I was in Bendigo a few years ago at the ABIAW (Again: Acquired Brain Injury Awareness) week event. I had travelled to Bendigo from Melbourne with my mum, who had driven three and half hours to get to Melbourne, so she could carpool others around also from the ABI Group in Melbourne, I was part of.

Carpooling

So, mum was there also and we shared a room in the hotel we all stayed at.

The first day was a long one, lack of sleep and we went to sessions and heard people speak, we mingled, we ate, we collectively drank bad coffee and the first night we gathered at a dinner to mingle and socialize.

Mingle and Socialize

Now, mum and I retired to our room, like many others for a break before we went to the location for the dinner. Needless to say, my mum and I are both on a different page when it comes to tiredness.

Stubborn

I like to be early to be on time. My mum is much more lenient and we are both very stubborn on this.

By the time we arrived, the people we knew there from our group in Melbourne were spread over two big tables and there were NO SPARE SEATS and no one had thought to save us any.

Crowded table

The guy upon entering, suggested we could join another table to make some friends or sit at another empty table on one side and that table would likely fill up soon enough.

Single Girls Table

I dubbed it the single ‘girls table’. Oh, hell why not?

Here’s where mum and I differ. I was completely okay sitting there out in the bitter lonely cold, but mum wanted to join another table. Soon enough a younger ‘normal’ woman joined us and I enquired if she was single or not.

Matchmaker

Sometimes, I can be such a Nona. Nona’s very prone to want to match you up with someone’s son/nephew, whoever.

She claimed to be single (turns out that was a lie), she soon decided to find secure and encourage us to abandon our single girls table and join another table with conveniently three empty seats. This table was front and centre.

Front Row Seats

I had already had a comment about the man facilitating and Master of Ceremonies. While it wasn’t bordering on sexual harassment, it might have been a bit wrong.

Master of Ceremonies

“Let’s give single girl a name, Stacey and let’s call him Fred. Again, Fred gets such a bashing, doesn’t he? So, Stacey spoke to Fred and as she returned to her seat Fred came up to me and…

Deep Breath 2

Wait… Deep breathe,

Deep Breath

He announced to the room there were single ladies at the front table and were there any men looking?

To be continued

To Be Continued

Roadkill

Published September 14, 2018 by helentastic67

roadkill

Roadkill

OK! While I’m writing this straight after I’ve written my “why I blog post” where I mentioned “Roadkill”. That post jumped the queue and now we have resumed our normal programming.

Back to normal program

To all the single ladies, past, present and future. Roadkill is that term I have for when being single gets monotonous and in order to not being alone or ‘so-alone’ we drop our perceived standards of who is acceptable to date.

Single ladies

I’m not at all suggesting, we only want to date millionaires with boats (sorry yachts) or a castle (it’s never too late) however.

Millionaire

No job, no car, no home, no furniture? (ok that’s a work-around) however.

Our mentality is, we see them by the side of the road with a broken leg or completely flattened and smeared all over the road (Just got ‘dark’ didn’t it?) and the nurturing part of us thinks.

Roadkill 1

“It’s OK, with a little TLC (tender loving care) and a little work, he will scrub up OK.”

TLC

You can help them get a job, get a care, etc…

Eventually, they are fixed enough to take them home to meet your mum. You follow? Yeah No!

Helen does not do Roadkill anymore!

No More Roadkill

Today’s Lunch – 12th September 2018

Published September 12, 2018 by helentastic67

Todays Lunch

Today’s Lunch

Good Mental Health Day

Well, this week has been very different from normal, I even left the house (apartment) on Sunday. I went to what I like to call the crazy cat lady festival. It was the cat show on at the exhibition buildings in Carlton.

Exhibition Building

CCF 1 CCF 2 CCF 3 CCF 4 CCF 5

And my friend, her son and the son’s girlfriend that were nice enough to take me, great day! Just great!

Even when pulling out of the underground carport, after getting lost looking for the exit. “Look toward the light! Go to the light!” And my friend’s son replying to me “I’ve had just about enough of you!” Totally felt like part of the family…….

Go to the light

Tuesday I was at the committee meeting I go to for the self-advocacy brain injury group I’m a member of, coming home with the standard side serve of migraine.

Committee Meeting

Super!

Wednesday, now today! No Chiro or acupuncture to help with the migraine. I definitely had to get out to my favourite location for some normal. That said! Today’s offering? The brain grain salad, with the standard medicine and carrot cake, does it count for one of my veggie servings for the day? Just asking!

Brain Grain Salad

Latte

Cheers,
H

Midweek 1

Census

Published September 10, 2018 by helentastic67

Census

Sometimes with depression it’s good to appreciate the little things to help us get through life, because we can’t all climb mountains, or save the world or have beautiful children to make us feel like we have achieved greatness.

Achieve Greatness

For me it’s all the little things and that I have a decent memory and can use Hellonwheels to share those stories.

Here’s todays example…..

So, before my diagnosis, I worked in admin, you know that generic term for the wench in the office who does all the stuff no one else wants to do etc.

Office wench

At the time of one particular Census I was an admin wench doing the work of a TPO (Training Placement Office) and living with my fun housemate. B!

Housemate

We decided to sit on the couch to do the Census together, to make it easier.

Here’s the thing, the Census asks lots of repetitive, ridiculous questions and most were harder for me to answer than B.

Census questiions

Job Description. Sure but…..

Describe tasks you do every day? Bam. There you go. That last one, I was very perplexed. My answer went something like this….

Job Description 1

“Answer calls, deal with clients, negotiate and liaise between government agencies, hosts, sponsors, management, email etc.

Job description

B and I looked at each other and we discussed what he should write. We settled on these three words.

“Lifts heavy things.”

Lifts heavy things

Done…

Done

Chronic Pain

Published September 7, 2018 by helentastic67

Chronic Pain

Remember when this

Webstercare Pack

Remember when our grandparents had these and we thought it was a sign of being old?

Grandparents

OK, I’m going to be blunt

WTF happened?

WTF Happened

Since when was 40 old?

40 Years old

Today’s Lunch 6th September 2018

Published September 6, 2018 by helentastic67

Todays Lunch

Today’s lunch

Good Mental Health Day

Allow me to start with some good news and a shout-out to one of my carers who is currently away. Well, miss you and my new bag is fine. A friend visited late last week with her skates on! (No, really!) and she lengthened the strap on my new bag prompting me to let you know I’m enrolling you into an extensive 1 to 1, 6 months full time course on how to lengthen straps on bags. My friends going to give you an exclusive course. I know, 6 months. Never fear, you will come out with a certificate one, in bag strap adjusting totally worth it! I imagine you can use these skills for the rest of your life. Totally worth it! (Yes, I am kidding)

New bag

I am not nailing this 1am bedtime curfew. I can’t manage to make it to bed by 1, then I hear the street cleaners before too long anyway. Then get woken the first time around 4am. People wonder why I’m so grumpy.

Grumpy cat

So, planning plenty of writing today. With lunch of course.

Well, if you read my posts each day you might have noticed, that didn’t happen on the correct date. Yes, Wednesday I went back to bed with a crappy migraine, slept until 5pm and it was quiet on the home front as the trams weren’t running. There is a tram stop at my door for the city. I had caught a tram home later in the afternoon on Tuesday and it was pure agony. Buses replacing trams, I had followed directions in Clifton Hill from my usual tram stop to the train station to get a bus. After going up and down the ramps to get to speak to an actual person and given more terrible half-baked directions, I walked even further to be directed to a bus. There were 3 men in hi-vis on the bus, none of whom knew what the hell was happening.

Trams

Get a clue people! Should I mention do not prove incompetent when a woman is sliding into the pause. My crazy lady hormones are playing up and I can’t do person properly! Good thing I stayed at home Wednesday.

Crazy lady hormones

Thursday, I more than made up for it. After my carer did my cleaning I went out for lunch. A nice local, I used to do lunch at 15 years ago when I worked not far from where I now live. They specialise in Lebanese pizza’s. so, haloumi cheese. I always order a vegetarian pizza (don’t judge me) with salami. Plus, I settled in for 2 medicines to deal with my migraine that just does not want to go away!

Vegetarian Pizza

Latte

Latte 2

Upon returning home I got down in to B1, where my scooter shed lives and dug around in my gardening supplies to pot some of my bulbs. Some things went home or were thrown out when I moved so it’s going to take time to restock.

Pot plants

While I can already predict next week will be chaos, hopefully I’ll get back to my regular haunt to see familiar faces.

Chaotic week

Cheers,
H

Great week

Good Times

Published September 3, 2018 by helentastic67

Good Times

So, I’m the first to tell you, my mum and I haven’t always enjoyed our time together which is harsh to say, because she is my biggest, well, most of the time, the only family member to support me. There are times we really don’t hold back in telling each other where to go.

Mum and I

My mum is known to give me her first “whatever” within minutes of arriving and then I inform her exactly how soon she has given me a “whatever”. Mmmmmmm

Whatever

Today, while out in the car. No Young John, as I had my mum taxi. Out on the road, she asked where we were going? Yet she chooses when she wants directions for how to get there. Everything was fine, she insisted if she needed directions, she would ask.

Mum Taxi

Not much later she was driving into a carpark and she fudged it and I said nothing. Until, she insisted I could have “helped her”.

Parking car

So, I started to commentate “I wouldn’t have done it like that!” “Too deep.”

That really was just the surface. “She laughed”

I had previously explained my younger carers that take me shopping, often feel very self-conscious about their driving, so I feel the need to explain I didn’t drive before my disability and there have been moments when I have been sitting in a car in my own driveway diagonal to the street. And I have been wondering “How the fuck did this happen?” But all I could do was take a deep breath and pause.

How the fuck did that happen

We arrived at my chiropractors and I shared this experience with my Chiro, who explained it was hard to drive into carparks (parallel carparks) and I replied. “Mum used to drive into carparks when she drove a Ford Falcon station wagon on Chapel Street!” followed be “Game on wench!”

Parellel Parking

She just looked at me and laughed.

On the road again and mum spies some guy crossing the street, she comments “see that guy with the backpack on?” I looked confused? “You mean that guy with a child on his shoulders?” Oh, so it is!” mmmmmmm

Child on shoulders

Have I mentioned my eyesight? And that I’m not allowed to drive? To be fair, I wouldn’t drive with all my other physical deficiencies. It would just be stupid.

Blind

Helpful

Published August 31, 2018 by helentastic67

Helpful

It’s always odd when I’m thinking to write and cover a particular topic and something really nice or sweet happens, that pushes me over the line to cover a particular topic.

Something nice

I am often faced with people asking me if I need help and if I’m offended when people do because I so rarely take people up on their offer, but would prefer people to offer because I won’t always ask if people don’t think to.

Do you need help

Helen, can I help you get to the toilet?

Helen do you need me to wipe your bum for you?

Wipe your bum

OK, to make a point, one of those (which has never been offered to me) is too much. I hope you can tell which.

People don’t really offer to do much at all for me. Family, friends, anyone, because they assume I’m OK. I mean I’ve dropped my purse in the entrance to a train station and I was going to struggle to pick it up again. The train was pulling into the station and a younger woman hell bent on getting that train just stepped over my purse and I took a moment to compose myself and thankfully someone else stopped to pick it up for me.

Catching train

I missed the train, but seriously, catching the train without my purse was not going to get me far.

Today, while in the city heading to my new Real Estate agent, I had gotten off the tram one stop too far and had further to walk, as I was walking up the street, a guy stopped to ask if I was lost or knew where I was going? I would have managed with some trouble, but I gratefully accepted his assistance.

Are you lost

He quickly did a Google search and told me it was another half a block. He suggested it was another half kilometre and asked if I could make it. I told him I would be fine. He had a bag of bananas and offered me one. It was very nice of him, but I turned him down. But it kinda made my day.

Getting directions

Today’s Lunch – 29th August 2018

Published August 29, 2018 by helentastic67

Todays Lunch

Today’s Lunch

Good Mental Health Day

First, I must share my adventures of yesterday. That being Tuesday. I went on a trip down memory lane! I went “South-aside!” That will mean much more when I get around to writing my post on basic 101 of Melbourne and many, many months before my posts catch up on the backlog I’ve already written. However, in short, I went to a part of Melbourne where I thrived back in my 20’s in Prahran and South Yarra! (Pronounced Prah-Ran! And South-Yarrah) Good times for sure! Chapel street once a thriving cultural shopping hub is now rather lacking and my friend Susanne and I went on a mission to A) Relive my memories. B) find me a new streetwear bag and without meaning to. C) unravel the mystery of why Chapel Street has died? (Many shops are vacant)

Adventure

Let me say, tick, tick and tick! Mission accomplished.

A. So many shops no longer exist! Sad face. One shop does still exist and when I walked in I was greeted by a very familiar face, bearded now and rather grey, he said he had only recently been thinking of me. It was Jeremy from Shag! (Not kidding!) the Windsor end of Chapel street became cool around the time Grant and Jeremy opened their pilot ship store back in the mid-90’s and I lived very close so often just after closing I would return and go upstairs where they lived at the time and Grant previously a hairdresser would do my plaits in the style I often wore in clubs and on one occasion a serious bee-hive! Also, around this time I decided only gay hairdressers should do my hair! Going to return to this methodology later this year. Attempted with Jeremy to give him the cliff-notes (short version) of what’s happened to Helen’s arm? Sorry, there is no short version.

Beehive do

B. Got my new bag in the last shop we went into and only $20. Done! (False alarm, the shoulder strap is not nearly long enough! Crap!)

New bag

C. We decided with the gentrification of the area and the obvious older population dying off, or selling up and moving on, a new generation has moved in. Apartments have gone up everywhere! I found the 90’s living in that area, the clubs, the street culture, the music scenes and perhaps the lack of the blond Kardashians, also the era where you would go out to dinner at one location and go to a club elsewhere, even a recovery somewhere else. Not even in the same area. Imagine being trapped in the one venue with the same people all night! This is the reality now with lock-out laws. Choose your own adventure gone to hell. In short, the yuppies moved in. Then complained when in the morning they would find someone had vomited in their doorstep and defecated! They would bitch/whinge and moan about it and the things that made the neighbourhood cool would disappear when rent would price the cool people out of the market! Hello, I’ve got my hand up! Lesson Number 1! If an area is really cool don’t live there! Go socialise there, party there. Then fuck off back to the suburbs whence you came.! Problem solved!

Yuppies

Anyway, eventually settled on a location for lunch and had great gnocchi with something-something beef and mushroom ragout, with shaved Parmesan. I know, I forgot, so no picture, instead here’s a beautiful picture of my fur-baby Mika!

Mika

D. (There is now a D) I did 8,000+ steps! Just to remind you a normal person should do 10,000 steps a day. So, having a disability and mostly I don’t get anywhere near that. Smashed it! And back in the 90’s I would have done more than that every Tuesday as it was the day I did my rounds on Chapel Street and Grenville Street, back in the day.

8000 steps

Tell me if you liked this extra little bit about what I like to call, Original Helen? Life from a lifetime ago. Before what life is like now.

So, while this has not even my normal offering on a Wednesday, it was a bit more into the life and times of Hellonwheels and definitely good for my mental health!

So, Today’s offering, a nice Moroccan chicken salad with turmeric and a little sweet treat called the Montague and Capulet plus my medicine!

Morrocan Chicken

Montague and Capulet

Latte

Cheers,
H

Hump day

Email Madness

Published August 27, 2018 by helentastic67

Email madness

Email Madness

There are many problems with being part of ABI groups for your social/advocacy/empowering blah de blah, or any disability group maybe.

ABI Groups

I’m really loathe to do the “Reply-all” option on emails. I avoid it at all costs. Because sooner or later one complete fuckwit does “Replay-all” and I get an email saying this – “That’s such a cool font. What is it?”

reply-all-fart