I Live Alone

Published July 21, 2024 by helentastic67

I Live Alone

In previously mentioned zoom meeting, we discussed many things. One point came up where it was revealed a few of us live alone. One woman I had not met before stated “I live alone because I like the company!” Or it’s what I thought she said, but I responded with “I live alone because I fucking hate people!”

Turns out she had also stated she has the radio on because she likes the company, I still stand by my statement.

It’s not easy living with others when you have disabilities. It’s not easy to live alone either. It’s something I’ve tried to do since forever and its common to be taken advantage of financially and otherwise.

So I’ve heard.

Brittle

Published July 15, 2024 by helentastic67

Brittle

So, was in a Zoom meeting this week with a group I really enjoy being part of. It’s not completely women and sometimes I’ve been known to use the term, “Ladies!” Later thinking Damn it! Fucked it again.

Alas, I digress, at the start of every meeting we go around the group and do an internal weather check-in. If you are thinking this is soft, think again. It’s a chance to check in and find out how everybody is. Some meetings it’s also useful if there is anything that will get in the way of the meeting. In that meeting, I’m always tired, but share, I’ve got “Medicine and treats!” to get me through, medicine being coffee and treats being chocolate coated coffee beans just to begin.

I still got caught resting my eyes during the financial reports of that meeting. How do I know where the money went? I didn’t take it. Nothing worse than struggling to keep your eyes open and someone has obviously noticed because the split second your eyes stay closed a millisecond too long, they curtly say your name. PRESENT! Anyway, in the check in I mentioned I was feeling brittle. Going through the existential crisis again and then was a little too broken up to speak. But it became the topic of the day. My common crisis revolves around. Is this it now?

I have no real way to work to improve my financial situation, as I let go of groups and contacts I’ve been associated to in over fifteen years, I have reached my level to tolerate people and trying to make change in a group setting.

The two groups I’m still part of, I stay connected because I feel it’s always good to remain tethered somewhere. If you don’t and can’t work, you can’t drive to explore and be fully independent, your connections cease to be family, who might be far away, but people who actively choose to be part of your life.

There are always layers to grief and not just the loss of loved ones but the end of friendships, the history and shared experiences during the hard times. And the older we get the harder it is to give a flying tutti fruity to make new friends.

Middle Age

Published July 8, 2024 by helentastic67

Middle Age

I feel I’m now of an age (51) where when younger people, particularly those in their early twenty’s mention “when they were at school….” I pre-empt their next statement with “so, yesterday?”

I’m not going up to these very young humans out on the street, so I know they will take my comment with the humour it implies, because in the last fifteen years or so since my disability, I’ve had a lot of younger people with more qualifications than I have that I’ve forged friendships with.

The only problem with this, after you get over the music/pop-culture/etc differences where I give out lots of homework and eventually, they get who the likes of Diana Ross is.

Oh yeah, I take out my hair and I’ll catch a view of my boofy hair in a mirror. Even Mika doesn’t understand what has happened and who this weird woman is. I’m weird. Diana Ross? Not weird. You know that if you don’t know who that is? You just got homework. You’re welcome.

Then there’s the younger people in my life that have the freedoms to travel, work abroad, get married, settle down. Aaaaawwwwwhhhhhhh, it’s adorable, you can be happy for them and sad for me at the same time.

And I can just hope they circle back into my world at a later date and I get to hear about all the exciting things they have done in their absence.

More Words of Wisdom

Published July 1, 2024 by helentastic67

More Words of Wisdom

I guess you might consider this a Community Service Announcement, because somebody needs to do it and you’re welcome.

There is an age bracket, I think I’m part of these days of women, who love to get out in their animal print dresses, tops, pants. It’s the age of, “I’ve got the crazy lady hormones and some extra weight” as we all do and it’s considered if there is ever a time. There isn’t ever.

As well as, in every gathering there is one obvious standout woman trying to camouflage with a busy dress or top. If there is only one in a group or gathering, then I think they chat on a communal communication page that they have the animal print for that particular event or gathering.

Can we let it go, please? Also, we don’t need a younger generation trying to reinvent this one. It’s been done to death. Let it go!

Let’s leave animal print to the animals.

Frustrated

Published June 24, 2024 by helentastic67

Frustrated

Honestly! Some days, if Effort equals Outcomes, I’d have billions and gold medals. If I could be rewarded for people wasting my fucking time. I would OWN my suburb, because I would put it into real estate. But alas, I cannot.

But I’ve spent all day before, going to my one appointment trying to have either of my two carer genies to cover my PC shift tomorrow. (PC – Personal Care)

I cannot tell you how many times I had to touch on this issue to solve it and it’s all so I can get to my last Chiropractors appointment before she goes away for a month. So, when I say I’ll shop part of the shift to my other agency, it doesn’t absolve the first agency of the responsibility to cover it until the other agency has:
A. Responded to my requests.
B. Covered the shift.

It doesn’t stop one agency telling me they thought the other had it covered when I very specifically communicate the other has received my request and will work on it. So, multiple methods and even people at the same agency will be contacted or attempted.

Eventually, I generally miss out because they might prioritise training over covering a shift. Which I get, however you can train your staff as much as you like, but you don’t cover clients shifts. You lose clients.

So, it’s any wonder I return home and do a few of my other efforts to remain independent before my brain and my body has had enough and I melt into my couch and become a vegetable on the couch.

This is one of those days I don’t know how Meme Queen is going to brighten this post.

Challenge accepted.

Moving Target

Published June 17, 2024 by helentastic67

Moving Target

I often use the term each day as a Moving Target and I use this in the context that every day is a moving target. By the end of each day, I need to be in less pain, be less tired by the end of the day, have chiseled things on my mental to do list. Have eaten three meals a day. This rarely happens, FYI, I’m ok if it’s two meals and a coffee. My day revolves more around getting sleep, getting to appointments and home again, plus meals or sustenance slots in around these things.

More importantly, I encounter less people I want to kill or deserve to be killed. Harsh words I know. Not advocating to be set loose with free rein here. Not killed anyone yet. Don’t intend to start, but I also limit myself around people and groups that piss me off. Also, the most important thing every day is to get through the day without a migraine. Can we do just that?

Everyday life seems to throw challenges in my face to make that nearly impossible and if I do these things in the earlier part of the day. What will I not be able to do later in the day? It’s always either/or never both.

Like the Good Old Days

Published June 10, 2024 by helentastic67

Like the Good Old Days

Sometimes, I think I should revisit the earlier days of HellOnWheels when life was full, as if it’s not now and I used to do a Hot Off the press post.

So, I guess this is reminiscent of those days. Monday, usually a quiet day at home but not always. Had a video chat with a new carer agency. Proof that every now and again the stuff set in concrete moves and you need to ride the waves of change to keep the boat upright. Is that a good analogy or what. Note, not a question.

Dropped off an old doona, its cover and some pants to an op shop on HellOnWheels, local adventure and went to a business to break a note and drop off some takeaway coffee cups that my carers keep insisting on bringing into my home. Then for the weirdest drug deal ever. You know I don’t do drugs and even in my club days didn’t. So, I think this topic deserves its own post. Went to physio after running into said Physio at the local business in question. Gave him some smack talk suggesting to lessen the imminent pain he was about to cause his patients, to have a nice chamomile tea. He didn’t.

Tuesday had an extra four-hour shift with one of my favourite carers. I know like parents with their kids, you don’t have favourites you just love them differently. When the two Helens get together, we get stuff done. We even did a little local adventure. A regular lady I am friendly with in my travels noticed a different face out with me and asked if she was my sister? Sure, why not?

Admin Day, things were started, booked and we did a little real estate searching. Because, why not? I don’t want to kill myself enough already. Don’t ever look at properties you’ve lived in years earlier and look at the sale history, you will want to kill yourself.

Wednesday, standard chiro. Gave her what’s the term for the – I moved my practice to its new home gift. Was going to go with flowers but they die. Settled on orange Toblerone. The really huge box, I got one for me too and it’s already promised as orange Toblerone mousse in mid-February when some friends come for dinner. They are bringing moussaka, I made lasagna last time and they brought a delicious selection of tiny cakes. Crowd pleaser. It’s a good way to do a dinner party these days. Delivered a bag of my old well-loved Adidas Gazelles I used to wear prior to life with an AFO, those were the days. Gotta run fast to catch the other Helen.

They will find new homes with young refugees who want to play sport. Likely connecting that carer with that locomotion to donate food that is normally disposed of in the bin. I love connecting my people with my other people. Then went to the toy shop I mentioned previously. This brings us to the end of Wednesday, basically.

January has become the time of year I do spring cleaning, carers, businesses I deal with, services I use, take time off. People with children have lives dictated by school holidays, etc. So, I do stuff. Onward

Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe I’ll catch up on some data entry, that alone is a never-ending battle.

Jokes and Things

Published June 3, 2024 by helentastic67

Jokes and Things

My family, two sisters, their partners and I have a group chat like many families do, currently the chat is thick and fast due to the process and impending deadline of emptying our father’s home to sell. Yeah, it’s that’s time already.

I’ve obviously not been there much at all and it’s a few hours away plus I don’t drive, if anyone was wondering? I knew my older sister was going to be there this week to arrange real estate, etc for selling, styling, emptying. Etc.

Just want to remind people, I found a home for the weird and prolific meerkats that were hidden around the living spaces. That was a feat, but I actually rehomed them to a young carer I had while I’d been there. OMG they made her so happy, well pleased.

Now that I think about it, I should have hidden one behind a bush in the garden as a momento to see if anyone noticed.

So, I digress, my sister’s long road trip and imminent arrival, she messaged that she could pick up coffees for my younger sister’s partner, then by extension, my younger sister as they have been living there and my sister was working from home this particular day as the internet and phones were down at her work. It’s context and necessary. Coffee orders settled, and there’s nothing like being excluded by not being included. I know I wasn’t there, but thought I’d humorously add my presence, I wrote “I’ll get my coffee!” You know when you know they won’t appreciate your humour. I added, “My carer just laughed!” Nothing! Just dead air!

It’s always worth a try right.

Inclusion

Published May 27, 2024 by helentastic67

Inclusion

There is a weird thing about disability that people are oblivious to. It’s always feeling like I’m undervalued, misunderstood and the weirdest thing is being excluded simply by not actively including me, or someone like me. It is not always about me.

But I’m aware I push in often to remind people of my very existence, not everyone feels confident to speak up or make their presence known or heard.

Then, there’s the other times I commentate when sharing an experience with others on how I’ve been treated. They don’t even need to ask, I tell them, “It’s what I want to say, but knew better?”

But there are even people, like family I don’t speak my mind to because I presume, based on previous experience they will be offended, it will go terribly, so I bury the pain deeper.

If All My Posts Could Be Titled Grumpy

Published May 20, 2024 by helentastic67

If All My Posts Could Be Titled Grumpy

Remember when I used to work with a grumpy ex-chef? I refer to him as”chef” or I should have. Well, occasionally, in random impromptu training sessions he would offer a scenario to the office a typical client scenario. But he would offer “Initials start with” then he would just pick someone in the office that was present and just use their name. Yes, Helen Caligiuri featured regularly. It was a moment to smile because I wasn’t in his bad books. But it was just an amusing way to throw someone under the bus.

The example I would give for an impromptu training session I once gave, was beconing all the Admin in to the front of my desk. I held up a very long and colourful police check and I asked, “should this client go to do their mutual obligation in a school or an aged care facility?” One woman looked at me with so much fear. She did not want to read the actual police check. Our clients had some colourful police checks. It is fair to say most would be license or loss of driving license or driving without a license related. Stupid but what’s the clientele coming through our doors 20 years ago one might expect?

It is also to say, a general rule of thumb Chef gave me was if a client was outside a primary school dealing drugs, you would not place them in a school to do their mutual obligation. No. God NO! That said, those were our locally born and bred young clients and then I had one Dickhead of a colleague! What? You think he’s reading my blog? Did I name and shame him? Initials or otherwise? Wish I could. He delivered me half-signed/half filled-in paperwork on my desk. It included a half-arsed police check.

I know this staff member was employed as the T.P.O. (Trading Placement Officer) however, while I was only an Admin he had not retained the wisdom of what I could legally enter on the government system with only half the forms filled in. And I was over it. Our Supervisor watched as I called the TPO over. I held up the paperwork and demanded. “What am I supposed to do with this?” Chef looked at me, not actively backing me but not telling me to step down. TPO asked “what?” He had no fucking idea. So, I explained to him his error in judgement. “I cannot lodge this!” Then I had to unpack why, “It’s not signed! Dated! Or completed!”

I suggested he put it on the government system, but I suspect he didn’t know how, not that he understood why he legally could not. Part of our admin process was that we “certified” that the original documents had been dated and signed. He told me to put them aside until Friday, two days later when they attended the office again to attend the Induction where we would normally officially place them on the system and therefore we would finally get PAID. What he failed to realise was that those clients fuck-all turned up two days later.

It has just occurred to me my current mental state might have me being too pissed off to politely complete this post but I think if half of you read next weeks post. My obvious attitude will be explained. Christ! I digress, where was I?

Those damn clients! If they turned up, I wouldn’t enter those documents because they were therefore out of date and I would need to have the clients complete new ones and then I would need to post-date their Induction timesheets and their start date. It’s a whole big fraudulent thing, yeah?