Brain Injury

All posts tagged Brain Injury

Kind Words

Published July 28, 2025 by helentastic67

Kind Words

My Radiologist used to sometimes say to me back in the day “One of us has a brain injury and sometimes it’s not you!” Kinder words have never been said.

And never more accurate.

I’m That Weirdo

Published September 30, 2024 by helentastic67

I’m That Weirdo

I could honestly do a post every week just on weird conversations I start with complete strangers for no reason whatsoever. And why not?

I’m definitely that weirdo who can give people a different perspective of disability/brain injury or just going for gold in a way they will remember me at the end of the week award.

Most people are oblivious I have disabilities let alone that its brain injury related. They wouldn’t even realise I’m half blind.

Last Friday, went to the local supermarket and got a few things, at the checkout was a young Asian guy with a tattoo up the side of his neck. It was a line of a foreign language that was not very wide and about two inches long. You know I asked. While he looked a little perplexed. I offered him an “out” I suggested “Why do stupid white women ask what our tattoo’s say?” 

He looked a little surprised but answered “Family. Friends. And Me!” 

Our day continued but I really hope that wasn’t the list of his priorities in order.  I don’t have any tattoo’s but like husbands and kids, I always intended to get another permanent scar to remind me of pain for the rest of my life, that’s what my tattoo should say. Because I’ve neglected, forgotten to get any of those so far.

Crazy Lady Hormones

Published October 3, 2022 by helentastic67

Crazy Lady Hormones

Have been trying to keep my head above water lately. Have been super emotional and brittle, the last week with crazy lady hormones and other things I can’t mention. I’ve apparently hit the Pause! (A common term for Menopause)

Many people would read this and argue that HellOnWheels is not about brain injury. I say, “Shut the Fuck Up Who asked you” (Note, not a question!). While I’ve had my AVM all my life and didn’t know until I was 34, the treatment I had was radiation that hit the AVM from all different directions. Who is to say the part of my brain that manages all my crazy lady hormones wasn’t hit also.

Note my very non-Doctor terms. I’m not trying to become a doctor, so I have actively tried not to learn correct medical terms for “brain”. So, I don’t know if my years on Dexamethasone (for brain swelling) messed with my hormones rather than stopping my cycle for years or just messed with them. Is there even a test for that?

I actually have a Crazy Lady Hormone Doctor. I usually put the word “Bitch” in there but have to be careful where I put it because my doctor is not the bitch the hormones are. She’s awesome! By the way.

Years ago, I started asking my GP questions to sort out my hormones. The CLBH (Crazy Lady Bitch Hormones) and after I went to this clinic and then that female GP, my GP asked how much money I was going to spend sorting this problem out? The women out there reading this will appreciate it, when I was of the mindset I wasn’t trying to have a baby before the “window closed!” But I did want to not feel like crap two weeks out of every four fucking weeks. With little to show for it some months when Aunt Irma came visiting, but I also wanted to only be hot in summer, or if I went for a drive in a car on a hot day (I’m referring to the HOT FLUSHES people!)

Seriously, ladies! You hear me on this? So, I’ve been dealing with that and all the other fucking things and not holding it all together very well. Also, I barely consider discussing these things with my GP of 15+ years anymore on account of him being a HIM.

So, this is a part of where I’m at right now. Here’s your subliminal message in this week’s post.


Let’s call it a day.

Update on a Few Things

Published July 18, 2022 by helentastic67

Update on a Few Things

So, I have been intending to follow up on a few things lately, but I’ve been slack in my efforts to use speech to text. Some things are hard to say out loud.

I’ve been meaning to follow up on the bullying I received from the not-for-profit self-advocacy group I’ve been volunteering at for over ten years. I’m letting the dust settle on that for a little bit longer, but the baseline is that my time with them is going to come to an end soon as they took my blog link off their website, making such statements as ‘it’s not even about brain injury’. Clearly, they didn’t look very hard because I’m sure I stated in my profile its brain injury done differently. It’s a lost cause and it’s time to find a new tribe.

Add to this the Gaslighting I’ve been receiving from my mental health care provider. They have done very well at the opposite of their job. Ever wonder why I don’t name and shame providers? Yeah, now you understand.


I’ll unpack both things another time in more detail.

I often hope how I teach organisations to respect and treat me, is how they will continue to treat all their clients or patients. Some are slow learners and if they don’t learn, I take my funding elsewhere.

I have been doing too much as last Thursday I had a migraine that whipped me out for a day and another four of feeling seedy. But I now have injectable Tramadol in my home and no, I do not intend to inject myself.

Reasons Why “Reply All” Should Be Banned

Published May 23, 2022 by helentastic67

Reasons why all “Reply All” should be Banned

Years ago, I attempted to dissuade a group I was part of to stop using “Reply-All” in their befuddled state, some asked “What? Why?” It was a brain injury group so there’s that.

I mentioned there’s always one Numbnut, that hits “Reply All” top ask the original sender “Hey XYZ that’s great font! What is it?”

I’m not a PC User and even I know how to work out the font style. But in the meeting the Numbnut in question will prick up their ears and insists “It was a really cool font!” Someone else, not getting the gist of the conversation enquires what was the font? I mutter “Wing dings!” and a few laughs. You’re Welcome and another Numbnut asks (you guessed it) “what’s Wing Dings?”

For Christs sake! Write it down. You just got homework.

If you don’t know what’s going on in those kinds of meetings you gotta make notes, go home and do some research. One Numbnut had never heard about “Ted Talks”. Homework!

Meetings shouldn’t take this much time and I’m trying to not be doing my email at 1AM! It’s gotta stop and it’s because that’s when all my other chores for the day are done.

Hot off the Press 17th May 2022

Published May 17, 2022 by helentastic67

Censorship – The Next Exciting Episode

This week, I am following up on last week’s post and asking for your support for my blog and my intention to do brain injury differently. My question is “Is bullying OK?”

So, had a very ordinary meeting last Tuesday, trying to convince people who had not bothered to read my blog, that the blog link remains on their website (that features a disclaimer) for the group I’ve volunteered for 10+ years. 

A fellow-member and friend suggested if I wanted to have my blog appeal to more people, I should change it. To be blunt, I could write about brain injury but it’s not sexy and people don’t want to know anything about brain injury until it’s absolutely relevant to them.

I could write about risk-taking behaviour but you don’t have to drink, take drugs and try to drive a car and potentially kill people while you nearly kill yourself to get a brain injury. I’ve done none of those things and I have a brain injury. 

I am probably only alive because I didn’t do drugs, I barely drank. I found alcohol used to make me feel like my head was swimming. Probably because alcohol thins your blood and my AVM once diagnosed was stated as being enormous. So, I suspect its why I was feeling unwell I just didn’t have an interest in doing something that made me feel so awful.

That I don’t ever mention companies or organisations good, bad or otherwise, should tell you I have some ethics.

That’s this NGO (Non-Government Organisation/Not for Profit) thinks to bully me to remaining quiet for the bullying they think to visit on its long standing members and that it’s acceptable. Other members have been destroyed by its poor behaviour and so, if you are still with me? You don’t have to love everything I write or stand for, but if you have any appreciation for what I stand for please Like, comment (positively please) and share through your networks. 

My deadline to have support in my corner is 14th June, 2022.

Thanking you in advance and with much love and predication.

Like, share and subscribe…

Perceived Personality

Published May 2, 2022 by helentastic67

Perceived Personality

There is an understanding within the ABI community, with the elders (if, ….) to that end, I say this in non-medical terms.

If someone has a life before they get their ABI/TBI, after this event and the fall out and dust settles, so to speak. They will retain that personality they had before the trauma. If someone was a player or a slut (I know, harsh words) or if they were funny, or love certain things. They will retain those traits after their ABI.

It is different when someone young, under-developed gets an ABI/TBI and even after an ABI/TBI etc, etc, the time often after the trauma improves. Five, ten, fifteen, twenty years, etc down the track.

I often wonder because I’ve had my AVM (my ABI) from before birth. How this has impacted my perceived personality. Because I think I’ve developed my personality and quirks around and despite my AVM.

ABI – Acquired Brain Injury

TBI – Traumatic Brain Injury

AVM – Arterial Venous Malformation

Normal Friends

Published September 27, 2021 by helentastic67

Normal Friends

In my earlier years of having case management, I mentioned as one of my goals that I wanted some normal friends and contact with the outside world that didn’t constantly throw me in with people with brain injuries or depression/mental health, etc.

I mentioned it specifically like this as my previous C.M. had a tendency to favour the ‘Clubhouse’ their organization ran. I would joke that they literally did a drive-by, push the door open and shove you out! Exclaiming “Have fun!”

My monthly meetings with my C.M. went on and while trying to maintain my independence, find funding for the different things, refer me to O. T’s and all the ‘other’, more attainable goals finding ‘normal’ friends was always pushed to the side for more important and pressing things.

This new potential friend was occasionally mentioned to me and because I insisted on more details, I was assured she was witty and smart. I confess, I don’t have much time for slow, dim-witted people. 

What? My brain doesn’t have much time for. C’mon! Hurry the fuck up! I can’t help it. My brain is busy and Stephen Hawking I am not. But, over time, I was volunteered more and more info about this new potential friend. I had not been terribly keen as she was living across town. I don’t have the energy to get to the people I already know and love to go across town.

Are your spidey senses going off yet?

Mine have been from day one. I should point out, C.M. works like this. I self-referred. They come see you or vice versa, you sign contract, they get paid.

Everything I said I wanted and needed, which they said they could do, they fuck all did.

They did the easy things.  They only met with me as often as I insisted because I pestered them and because I’m fun and cool and amusing. Imagine, if someone isn’t cool or fun or can’t implement Pester Power?

That part of me is still in that childlike era, I do exceptionally well at Pester Power. So C.M. tried to shake me loose. “Hey? We haven’t done all the things yet!”

You realise, you sign that contract, they get paid and if you don’t keep on them, they can get away with never seeing you again.

So, the C.M. let slip one day, could I help the client with her rostering of carers? She couldn’t manage her roster, didn’t return calls, couldn’t schedule, etc. Could I help her with that?

So, she wanted me to do her job now?

People often don’t even realise I have a disability. Well, several really. So, they see me upright and walking and talking and smiling until one day I make a BOLD statement and people are shocked into a different idea of Helen’s normal.

Tuesday

Published September 20, 2021 by helentastic67

Tuesday

Had a crazy Tuesday this week. Now it’s Friday and I’m sitting at my fave café for what has become my new normal day here to lunch and write. It’s the Covid normal.

In my early days of diagnosis, I felt the need to explain my life was less Brain Injury and more normal and my first specialist explained I was a high functioning ABI.

So, Tuesday was a bit more crazy than usual. This is probably a good example of me being high functioning. Keep in mind, Helen is not a morning person.

9:15am – Usual carer arrives for Personal Care. She does all her chores and I do mine.

I make breakfast and sit to eat. (Slam down my entrée of pills)

Turn my phone on. It starts, the bells and whistles, texts and calls and messages. I don’t know why I need to go off grid on the weekend.

I call and negotiate with my young John to get me to my first of two appointments. He can squeeze me in.

11.45am – I’m meeting my Neuro Physio. He sits on the floor trying to stretch out my left calf and front ligaments.

I have been diagnosed with a clunky ankle. It’s an official medical term. It’s causing and adding to my knee replacement one day. It’s already nice and crunchy! (My knee)

So, he’s doing him. I’m doing me. I’m checking texts, sending texts, then I’m required to stand favoring my left side and sit, twist my upper body towards my left to help my leg and foot do leg and foot. 

To be clear, all this teases my brain. It’s not super fun, because my right-side brain is saying “you want to do what? Get firetrucked!” (Trying not to swear!).

And I’m dealing with one of my two agencies to fill a shift, the following day on the Wednesday.

It’s a 6-hour shift where I get escorted out, I do the things, we have lunch either out or at home and I set them chores while I scooter out to other appointments, they don’t need to take me to. It’s also when I fit other things in where I need muscles and things that I can do by myself or on P.T.

It’s a 6-hour shift. The texts from my agency go back and forth. Eventually, I’m offered 3 hours which I later describe as like putting a band aid on a bullet wound. It’s a great image, isn’t it?

I was responding that I could offer their shift to my other agency, as in the whole shift 6 hours. What pretty band aids on either side of that 3 hour. I need the whole 6 hours.

I mention via text, I’m in the middle of something and I need to be present in my appointments, but then I get a rather long shitty text stating they had spent 4 hours messaging other carers and clients to find me someone. It sounds like they think I’m ungrateful. The grumpy text ends with an apology for the text. I am now getting busy – this is eight days after I started.

Hopefully I can do it justice. But otherwise, could be, I didn’t get to read her whole message. I got the gist and immediately texted my other agency and if the person was not in the office, I rang them directly. 

When I rang, I could even interpret the pause and inner office convo that happened in the background. A carer they have been wanting to send me for some time, they were just waiting on an NDIS checklist.

I confess it’s been two weeks since that fateful day. So, while this may not flow seamlessly from the previous post, I hope you can keep up?

So, I text the agency who is choosing to do their job the hard way, that in the middle of two appointments I need to be actively present at. I’ll get back to them.

It does already look like I’m covering the following days shift myself another way. I flick a text to my other agency. In case that staff member wasn’t in the office that day, I quickly call.

“What’s that?” I’m on the phone while my Occupational Therapist, (OT) who I’m just meeting for the first time is with me. “No, I told her she could absolutely go pee.” Respectfully, that makes us friends for life.

I call the agency and I can tell exactly the conversation that’s happening in their office.

“Oh, send X, Y, Z!”

“Is that Helen? Just fill that shift!”

There is no better motivation than me missing a specialist appointment because their afterhours staff member fucked up my Monday morning. My Botox appointment was rescheduled for two months further away. Botox keeps my left toes from curling (I know. What?). Yes! Botox in my leg.

Anyway, yes. The NDIA survey has been completed and X, Y, Z can cover my Wednesday shifts until my other agency can cover it again.

After my OT appointment, I head out and call my Heidelberg taxi driver. Young John is best at this time and so is Sean! 

I hoof it to my far local pide dealer. Pide is not code for anything. It’s just where I get my vegie pide from. Another taxi driver has arranged that I can wait around the corner to make life easier. 

On the drive home (10-15 mins) I text the first agency. I confess I was pretty grumpy earlier and wished to call my support coordinator to growl at the agency because I just didn’t have the bandwidth to give the polite diplomatic response.

Yet, I messaged something along the lines of, ‘I appreciate how hard it is to fill shifts when my regulars are away or don’t have a weekend. Then something that I genuinely did appreciate her efforts. Despite that, rather than ring me first to ask if she could wriggle things so she could cover three of the six hours of my shift. Would it be enough?

Sometimes it is but this particular day, I had placed other things in around and in between the appointments that required wheels and muscle.

I did all of this with a migraine.

So, that shift was moved for a month or so to another agency. 

The following Tuesday I received a message asking if I expected them to cover my Wednesday. I had to remind them I’d moved it temporarily. This is what happens when someone tries to cover a bullet wound with a band aid.

Today’s Lunch – 13th March 2020

Published March 12, 2020 by helentastic67

Today’s Lunch

Good Mental Health Day

Apologies my foodie post was delayed this week. My apologies. I had a really shitty migraine. So, have not been out much this week. Happily, had a three-day weekend! Always makes me happy! Had the brain injury self-advocacy group on Tuesday, so started the day with a migraine ended the day without dinner, some hard drugs (Tremadol) and finally nailed part of my New Year’s resolution, got to bed before 1am!

At the brain injury group there were new members present. Another newish member described me as ‘Caustic’ I asked what she meant? Not offended I offered ‘Bitchy’, was acceptable, or ‘blunt’ I just like to be effective. I provided an example. She had introduced me as ‘really friendly and warm but caustic’ and she is probably right. I also bring the funny. Now, let me touch on the Corona Virus. The media is not helping and people are stockpiling flour, long life milk, medications and most importantly Toilet paper (I will now refer to as T.P.)

People need to calm down! Because I need my T.P. because it turns out to be a terrible time to be doing a liver cleanse. Taking my St Mary’s Thistle for my fatty liver, I can’t even give up my closet drinking as I don’t. Add to this the HRT patches I started on Saturday to help calm some of my peri menopausal symptoms gave me an early shark week and a shittier migraine than normal. Couldn’t even get through my chiropractic adjustment without being sick. The rest of my normal Wednesday stuff was cancelled. Home to bed!

Started to improve Thursday and still with all my usual appointments and crazy, hellonwheels tune-up, visit from the vampire (blood test!) and a trip to my podiatrist. And now I’m smashing out this post Thursday evening, the night before it goes live. While I’ve skipped a few meals this week due to feeling seedy from my migraine. I’ve a musical treat. I’ve just gotta get through Friday and Friday night I’m going to see a band. I actually loved this band in the 80’s when I was a teenager and the horrible week, I let Jamima cross the rainbow bridge back in 2016, in my neighbourhood. This time I’m going to see him at the Forum in the city. Here is a clip you can check out…….

 

This is way too short! Here’s another sample.

And lastly, two stories of the extremes of the attitudes and fall out of the corona virus. A support worker told me both of these from one of her other clients. This about a month ago.
1) While at the butchers getting her clients cat its meat. Yes, fussy cats down here. An older gentleman complained he couldn’t get his muscles because of this Chinese Thing. This was about a month ago. But did you gasp? So wrong! So, so wrong!
2) This other client went to her doctor and while in the waiting room chatted to a Chinese woman sitting next to her about art. She loves art apparently. When her name was called the Chinese lady thanked her. It had been the first conversation anyone had had with her for three weeks. I guess, I’m suggesting we need to do better? Wash your hands. If you have any Symptoms stay home and don’t buy all the T.P. Helen’s doing a liver cleanse! Your welcome!

Cheers,
H