disability

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Retrograde

Published August 12, 2016 by helentastic67

cat-bad-hair-day_12

Retrograde

Have a very bad case of procrastination now! And it’s partly because I just want to write about what’s happening in life now and partly because in order to have any of it make sense you need to know about what happened in the past. And as far as the post, I’m up to telling about some of the “hard parts”! So I guess were going RETROGRADE! Just for a little while!

And I might start by mentioning how important a woman’s hair is to her self-worth and her identity. And I mention this, perhaps (again) because it’s important…

My treatment, literally 20 (?) day’s ended on a Friday. On the weekend my partner (sorry, boyfriend) had his daughter with us and on the Sunday morning I got in the shower to wash my hair, so I could be presentable for an outing. We went to some typical ‘family’ adventure in Carlton and my scalp had been a little itchy around the hairline around the back.

I took my hair down, usually worn in a bun and I had matted bits. I pulled them out and got in the shower. I would normally brush it with conditioner in it. There was a corner part of the bath (shower over bath) where I could sit and as I brushed it, it kept coming out in my hands.

I don’t recall crying that day. I didn’t know how bad it was. I got out of the shower dried, dressed and put my hair up (wet).

Then I looked in the mirror!

No hair Helen

It was bad!

It was so obvious how much hair I’d lost, I had my boyfriend bring me my phone and I rang a friend. An old lady who lived in an old people’s village in the same suburb.

I had waited in the bathroom not wanting to scare my boyfriend’s daughter as she was about 4 years old!

I also didn’t know how to fashion/style the scarf, so she helped me with that also.

We went out and someone’s young daughter was looking at me oddly. I felt very self-conscious and I felt a little like the young girl thought I was a Muslim woman. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that!)

The Monday morning, I washed my hair again and this time I did cry. I also had the time to cry as well. And I got how Samantha from (SATC) had felt!

I wept!

That day, I texted my boyfriend and said simply ‘Hey Honey, can you buzz my hair off tonight?’ to which he simply replied ‘sure’ or ‘yes’ or whatever! And that is how I came to lean forward over the bathroom sink about once a month for six months until it started to grow back evenly.

When we had this routine our conversations went something like this;

Keeping in mind my boyfriend wore his hair as a Number one and was from the States and yet to get his permanent residency.

‘I wonder where the local recruitment office is’

To which I would answer;

They will take you before they take me!’

Oh, how we laughed!

What follows is a series of photos of my hair, or lack of and stages of it growing back.

I had pretty much stuck to the same hairstyle since I grew my hair out at about 16, so I really never thought to keep it short.

My bun and long hair had been my style ever since. I have curlier hair when it’s short and that translates to I hate curls!

Now about 8 years later I’m back to a once yearly haircut even if it means I have 4 inches off. I’m OK with that. Its reasonable low maintenance and I wash it on a Monday and Friday, my carers brushing it for me as I stand in the shower then they put it up for me. Sunday and Thursday being my messy hair days.

There are short bits around my temple and the back that drives me crazy another reason I don’t think short hair is for me…

Bad hair day

My anxiety would make me play with it a lot and I don’t need that. So, I figure.

Anyway, that’s enough about hair because when I complained about it to my nurse where I had my treatment she told me not to complain as I was ‘Lucky to have hair!’

I just wish I’d been told to get some hats! I was given a voucher of $50 for a wig and by the time that happened some of the side effects had kicked in and I didn’t have 2 working arms to put on a wig… If anyone has ever brought a wig or gone shopping for one, they would also tell you $50 is not going to help!

When I had no hair I really noticed old men sporting the comb-over hairdo! They really seemed to be more noticeable then. I wanted to go stand next to them and take off my hat and tell them;

comb-over

‘Let it go! It’s gone! The fights over!’

The Horrors

Published April 4, 2016 by helentastic67

that-awkward-moment

The Horrors!!!

It’s Friday! Yeah!!!

In my house it means, wash my hair (it’s all grown back now!) and go out with my Young Janice and we go shopping.

So I took down my hair while my Personal Care (PC) carer started her chores and got undressed. Turned on the hot water and…….

NO HOT WATER!!!!

I had a day off yesterday. As in no appointments so no need to leave the house. I had lots of laundry to do so I did 4 loads.

I had notice my hot water service in the backyard had been leaking (from the top) and it seemed to get worse as the day went on.

I had finally sent a text to a friend to rate how bad this was from bad to worse?

The suggested broken thermostat, maybe. Which sounds not as bad (expensive) as having to convince my Property Manger it’s my God given  right to have hot water and his job to take a yelling from my landlord if that’s what it took to have them part with the money.

I have those landlords who don’t want to maintain their properties, just want the money.

So, today my hair did not get washed and I had a bucket of water from the kettle and half shower.

Now, it’s the end of the day and a tradie ended up coming and he stated the Hot Water Service was Ka-put!

Glad he has to call my Property Manager, not me…

And the plumber is prepared to work on a Saturday morning because a weekend without a hot shower would just be a horror!

 

Decisions

Published March 23, 2016 by helentastic67

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Decision

To make a decision, I was given the mantra in my teenage years that if you couldn’t make a decision for yourself, the decision would be made for you and you may not always like the results.

The funny thing about being depressed is you might struggle to make even the most simplest of decisions.

Some people just on observation, get stuck in their own ‘shit’ so much they can’t make a decision to save themselves.

Start with small decisions, things you have to attend to everyday. Then build up to the bigger, harder stuff. If you have serious chronic Medical conditions, make a damn decision. If there are options to try to improve those conditions that will give you the possibility to return life to some form of normalcy try them!

Wait:     TRY THEM!!!

You don’t know, if you don’t try them.

Sometimes, making a decision can snowball and if you can fix the things that have held you back some of the other problems are easier to deal with.

Depression can lesson and life can be easier and happier.

Christmas!!!

Published March 14, 2016 by helentastic67

Christmas lights 1

Christmas!!!

So our Christmas lights have several settings. My sister the lighting tech support recently described one of the settings as the Epileptic Fit Setting.

I’m really lucky I’ve NEVER had an Epileptic fit!

At least not a Clonic Tonic (Grand Mal) seizure.

I have things that give me a migraine, but no epilepsy. Not complaining……just saying.

I once had an appointment with a room full of Neuro type specialists and they couldn’t believe I’d never had a fit considering the size and location of my AVM.

I told the Doctors I had been to my share of dubs and dance parties back in the day and stared at enough strobe lights.

Consider this as a silver lining.

I’ve never had an epileptic fit!

Held Hostage

Published March 11, 2016 by helentastic67

Ginger Cat 1

 

Once upon a time our family had a cat which had kittens. There was a Ginger cat which was called “Ginger Biscuit”. It very briefly had a rather wry misname of ‘Crumb’ when Mum baked out of the drive way and it didn’t get out of the way. It sustained a broken leg and after a very expensive trip to the vets, came home with a metal rod in its leg. He survived to sun bath on our concrete for his vitamin D, but alas that’s just background. The temperament of this particular cat was really sweet. I once picked him up and sat with him on the couch. At the start he didn’t much go for my need to sit with him on the couch, so I had to hold him to my chest with both arms. Poor Biscuit didn’t have a chance really, however luckily within 2-4 minutes he was touched in and fast asleep purring…

There is something about having a disability and being taken away from your home where you can maintain some of your own independence that is like being held hostage.

When at home, I can pretty much fend for myself. I don’t leave the house every day of the week if I can help it and I prefer to have the help of a carer on the days I do leave the house, but when I’m out of my comfort zone I have to rely on the volunteer assistance from family or friends. I cannot do my own hair, trim my own fingernails or toenails or dry and dress in a timely manner and endeavour. Eventually, like Ginger Biscuit I just accept fate and take what I can get, make the most of it and go to sleep.

And this plays on the depression.

If you think it’s a 1st world problem that I can’t do my own mani/pedi, I should be so lucky! My nails are soft these days and bend back causing pain, my left toenails if too long get stubbed and badly damaged. My left fingernails get in the way when I’m trying to exercise that hand and keep my fingers flexible. So, yes? My fingernails are an issue. But if you want a stronger example: try this.

Met a woman from the Barwon District, who had come to tell us of her experiences of the NDIS being piloted in her region.

She was in a wheelchair and probably in her late 40’s – early 50’s. She had a package to provide her carers and as she needed a Carer to go from bed to her wheelchair where she spent her day and to a toilet and back to her chair or bed, you might like to imagine the timing of her carers could be rather critical.

She gave the example that one particular day, she couldn’t wait to go to the toilet and her carer was some hours away, so she rang her service providers to request her carer earlier.

They could not provide it to her.

As she sat in her chair on the stage, she told us she couldn’t wait and in the best of spirits announced to us that when her carer did arrive at the rostered time she would have more of a mess to clean up!

Now, I’ve had some “shitty days!” But she was so brave to announce it to us like that and can you imagine it’s a way some people get held hostage to a situation far from their control…

 

Social Isolation

Published March 8, 2016 by helentastic67

Social Isolation 4

Social Isolation

Sometimes, I try to socially engage with people wherever I go. I do this at the places I go for appointments or the supermarket for groceries. No lifetime friendships, but connecting all the same because it’s how I encourage people to get to know me and see that I’m “Normal!”

At my local supermarket, my favourite checkout chicks have gotten to know me over the years. Even from before my disability.

On Friday, I encountered a newish guy in the Deli/Freezer area. He was restocking the dairy case with milk.

Now, for those who don’t know – Melbourne has had a heatwave the last few days and being in the freezer section of the supermarket is the place to be.

This is the perfect example of how I try to engage with people and retain my sass!

This guy was wearing a big jacket to wear into the cool room. I asked if that jacket was really necessary in this weather.

He tells me it’s for when he’s in the cool room.

I inquire, “What’s a girl gotta do to get in that cool room? He didn’t really reply.

I grabbed my cream and as I moved away I told him,

“I wasn’t trying to sexually harass him in the work place”

I saw he had a big grin on his face and I did a circular motion towards his smile and told him “I was going for that!”

Old People

Published March 4, 2016 by helentastic67

Old lady

There are many things to love about old people! I know a few amazing older ladies. But I’ll tell you about them another time. But I love when older people ask me about my arm.

Usually, pre-empted with “What have you done to yourself?” to which I reply with – “I refuse to take responsibility for this!…….”

And I offer a brief explanation.

Then I ask them the same question. Today I asked this of a gentleman at a Medical Clinic I was at, who had a walking stick. His wife answered for him.

“He’s just gotten old.”

Priceless. Love that answer because then I can tell them I expected it to take years longer before I felt as old as I feel……

Jamima

Published February 29, 2016 by helentastic67

Jamima

Meet Jamima ‘Patch the Pirate Cat’ Puddleduck!
So called for my patchy left eye & my pen chance for sitting on shoulders(until Uncle B comes along, his shoulder h helps me get higher)
I’m the mental Healthcare Provider for a Crazy Cat-Lady. Housemates, boyfriends & even Uncle B have come & gone but my Mum keeps up with the Tuesday Tummy Rub’s!

Stay Tuned……….

Like

Published January 7, 2016 by helentastic67

Like!

There is a word I would like, DAMN IT! Prefer to omit from my everyday language. No it’s not the Bomb!

That word is way too valuable!

I have a carer tomorrow who I get along very well with. I call her Aunty Christine! It comes in handy when I have to give Jamima (my cat) the talk!

You know the ‘talk’……..

“C’mon there are starving kids in Africa that won’t eat today! Eat your dinner Aunty Christine gave it to you!”

But anyway, she will arrive tomorrow and she has an appropriate level of common sense where she will see the plastic “thing” on the kitchen bench and ask me what I want her to do with it…

She will not ask me if I want her to recycle it because next to it are the suction “thing” that attach it to the wall of my shower and a tube of Superglue…

I will happily respond to her question with a grumpy “Can you fix that fucking thing?”

And after we laugh about it, she will fix the fucking thing.

The fucking thing in question is a plastic holder that sticks to the shower wall and holds 2 hand pump bottles. One for shampoo and one for conditioner…

No OT (Occupational Therapist) told me that one! And see if you can use the F Bomb in context it’s acceptable. Unlike (grrr) the word ‘like!’

I hate that word because I’m not 14 and I have other words in my vocabulary!

What words do you not….. favour?

Salami

Published December 10, 2015 by helentastic67

Salami 1

Salami

Or as I like to call it ‘Salamia’!

There are many words I like to pronounce incorrectly. Life should be fun that way…

Anyway, Salami is getting quite the bad rap these days. It causes cancer and shortens life.

I’m a big fan of Salami being a little bit wog!

Salami is a standard on a Saturday in my house and if I’m lucky another day during the week if I’m home…

No one is saying if the difference between eating Salami is a shorter life by say six months off my life every time I eat Salami?

I think you have worked out already I’m not giving up my Saturday meat that MUST HAVE SALAMI!

And we all die, right? And we will die regardless of if we eat processed meats. Might as well die well fed…

But if someone can do the maths for me.

Every time I eat Salami, do I lose 6 months or 5 years simply because I eat the stuff!

I’ve just worked out part of my income runs out at 60! Not 67, as previously thought!

But 60!

So, in order to maintain this wonderful frivolous existence I must promptly die at 60!

And then I’m also thinking; “That’s 17 more years of this bullshit existence!”

Better eat more Salami!