Life Review

Published December 3, 2015 by helentastic67

Life Review 1

Life Review

So, I’m now at a time in my life where you take a little “stock” of what you (me in this case) of what I’ve achieved and tallied the successes I’ve celebrated.

Completely heightened by a recent 25 year High School reunion that I did attend.

The current Premier of Victoria, Daniel Andrews was from my High School and what I’ve managed to achieve in life doesn’t add up to much at all. Except to say I have survived.

I know I’ve yet to divulge what exactly my medical condition is or my disability and that has been on purpose.

Rest assured all shall soon be revealed.

So, stocktake, I guess I’ve always been a bit of a free-spirit. I had ideas of how I thought light might go, but perhaps not how I would get there.

When I was younger, I thought life would just naturally fall into place and perhaps this was what was meant to happen because I’m still here!

I honestly thought I’d be married with kids “living the dream” by 30.

I wanted to have my own business “something” in the realm of Interior Decoration.

I studied something else. I studied the one thing that would have been better if I’d been a gay man! Two things ‘I’m not!’ I studied Visual merchandising (Window dressing).

It did teach me, I would not cut it with technical drawing.

And the whole married with kid’s thing, well in recent years, I’ve learnt that my medical condition, pregnancy could have been deadly.

Alas, I also did not meet my ‘husband’.

Here’s hoping – yet!

Friends of yesteryear and I would joke – he was lost!

But anyway, not doing this blog to find a husband…

But still assessing what the rest of life should include…

I do not work. All the things I have done for income in the past, I can no longer do and the NDIS would see us all being able to work again.

It’s a nice dream however, I struggle to get out of bed every day! And I struggle to stay out of bed every day!

The aim every day is to make it to the end of the day and not fall over! To still feel the parts of my body I make work that only work because I make them…

And to make it to the next day!

Life seems small these days!

I get to appointments that help me live. I create social connections at these appointments because over time they have gotten to know me and who I used to be…

But rest assured if I didn’t pay for services at those places, they would not have the time to be ‘friends’ with me outside of “work”.

So to the future, it’s a work in progress and please join me on the adventure…

NDIS

Published November 28, 2015 by helentastic67

NDIS

Some people are generally concerned the NDIS won’t help them. I have some concerns as for the 8-9 years I’ve had my more severe symptoms of my disability, I’ve been told by everyone I speak to that, the NDIS will help me!

So the NDIS has been like a light at the end of the tunnel. A promise, if you like that things/life will get easier. Because I’ve had no funding, I’ve had to do things that my carers have told me is tragic/sad so I can still enjoy the good things in life.

So, this is a good tip for all those people who have had funding and have been able to be comfortable with life. And who are now looking at having my reality.

The classic cup of tea.

You get 2 teabags and 3 mugs, you heard me!

Your first 2 cups of tea I recommend don’t make them so strong the teaspoon can stand up in and put both teabags into the third mug for your third cup of tea.

If you do it properly the third cup of tea, will be just as good as the two proceeding.

I like my tea strong with a tiny teaspoon of mild so it looks more like coffee, with just a smidge of sugar…

If I plan it just right I have that third cup of tea in the morning when any tea will do and you ain’t so fussy.

For me the little things have been important…

So after years of crappy housemates I prioritize living alone, I prioritize not living so far from the city.

I still prioritize eating, turning the light on and occasionally, I have someone walk into a room and announce that the NDIS won’t help them at all.

So I asked this woman “What do you mean?”

She repeated her first statement like that helped at all…………

God help me!

So I decided to unpack it for her…………

I informed her, she would still get her pension from Centrelink. It would not be one or the other.

Then I questioned her.

“Do you need any carers to live your life?”

“No.”

“Do you need any support?”

“No.”

“You don’t pay rent?”

I’m not sure I asked this but I presume her father doesn’t charge her rent.

“And you work right?”

She said she could work more, but her neuropsych stated she was unable.

And finally I put my old hat on from my days working for the NGO…..

Her next answer surprised me.

“Well I’ve got the investment property in Brunswick.”

To which I informed her the NDIS was not for her!

Confession Time

Published November 28, 2015 by helentastic67

Confession

Confession Time

OK! Something you should know about me. I’m grumpy! I admit it! I get really grumpy! It’s been coming on more and more in recent years. Since acquiring my disability, obviously, but every now and again the “Grumpiness” gets turned up a notch.

I have no patience for whiny – little – bitches. You know the ones, I can’t even watch some reality TV shows anymore.

“It’s too hard!”

“It hurts!”

“It hurts me to move!”

“I can’t wear what I want!”

“Take a deep breath sweetie!”

“Skinny jeans aren’t for everyone!”

I haven’t even tried to put on jeans for about 4 years. Doing jeans up one handed is a pain in the arse! Particularly if you need to get to the toilet in a hurry.

But it’s more a grumpiness because plenty of people with real problems don’t do enough to help themselves and they want everyone to rescue them.

Sometimes, it’s a conscious decision about accepting that I’ve been dealt a shitty situation and I’ve just got to deal with the consequences so how do I do that?

Oh and people don’t like to hear advice from me and when they complain about the same old things I reign in the obvious tips because they didn’t get it the last 3 times I suggested it!

I’m done!

Grumpy rant over!

My Left Arm Doesn’t Work

Published November 28, 2015 by helentastic67

Every day, there’s something new to detest about having a disability. There’s just different ways with how to deal (or not) with how it affects you mentally.

As yet, I haven’t told you what my disability is, I know Soz Bro (my carer gave me this one today) but to give you an idea. My left arm does not work. I’ve lost my eyesight and about 5 shitty things later, I also suffer anxiety and depression. They weren’t first but to be clear they don’t help!

So the situation looks like this, I work on my left arm and hand all the time. All the time, when I’m sitting on the couch, on the tram, lying in bed trying to sleep.

ALL THE TIME! When I’m anxious. I also out of habit use my nails too long so I do my absolute best to trim them so I don’t scratch my good hand while I try to exercise my bad hand…

My carer has recently commented I have very short nail beds on my left hand.

I thought about this overnight and realised sometimes when the beautician files those nails to clean up the mess I’ve created, they hurt and I realise I can feel them…

So this gets to my point – finally. I can’t tell that I’m hurting myself when I trim my own finger nails!

I was a nail biter for my first 34 years! And it’s another story for another day. But my point right now is back then I NEVER BITE MY NAILS SO BADLY I COULDN’T FEEL IT!

2.30am

Published November 28, 2015 by helentastic67

2.30am

There’s a really shitty thing about having a disability, there’s not lots of ‘good things that happen in your life. It’s just more shit things in varying degrees of more shit.

It’s not that I’m always being negative, it’s just really hard to put a positive spin on ‘shit!’

Example; A few weeks ago I had a review for my application for Public Housing. And it seemed that all of a sudden I might not even be eligible because I earn too much! WHAT THE FUDGE???

It seems I earn $12.30 too much per week. I’m not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. I pay my rent, I pay my bills and I get no funding. I go shopping and while I’m not extravagant I’ve started to do what I call the ‘Povo-shop’ which is to only buy the things on the shopping list and to watch the total at the register with my heart in my throat.

So you can see it’s hard to sugar coat it! It’s hard to put a positive spin on living day to day this way.

And then often friends don’t know how to respond. Trust me, I know it’s horrible, which is why I mostly don’t say anything, but if I say something, I’m not telling you so will offer to fix my problems. I don’t know what would fix my problems.

Please just have some empathy.

It looks like this; don’t say nothing, say something. It might be something really simple like this:

“I’m really sorry, it sucks! I didn’t know it was that bad, let me know if I can do anything…..”

Just so you know, I rarely ask for help, so don’t be afraid I’ll call on you for anything but a chat…

Human Rights

Published November 28, 2015 by helentastic67

Human Rights

Human Rights

There are many examples, I will give where you would imagine, just because I have a disability and because someone collects a wage from a job where they provide a service to those with a disability that you would be treated with respect and provided the services they are entitled to.

I hope my blog over time will express my experience of this sector and that if it is challenging to give a client/patient/customer, what they need then, it’s ok to withhold a service, not delivered a service or just outright bully so you will stop asking.

There are times now, how I’m treated, is outright shocking! And I’m someone who knows what’s going on and how to organise my life and my needs and my services and I dread to think how the people who can’t self-advocate get treated.

I once received a call offering me Public Housing. I know these calls are often met with jubilation and great relief, but I often get a little grumpy and demand “Yes? Where is it?”

Even my friends no longer get excited anymore and demand to be told “Where is it?” On this occasion they building was a new apartment block and the gentleman on the phone after selling me the fact that it was fully functioning, disability friendly bathroom. He told me I couldn’t take my cat!

I am not one to smuggle my fur-baby into my home. People have to know I come with a cat!

I’ve had good house-mates and shitty house-mates. I’ve had shitty boyfriends. Shitty because they are not still here.

I’ve had shitty friends and good friends. All in the last 16 years. They have all come and gone and are no longer here.

The fur-baby is still here!

I often go days without seeing another human being. So my cat is not an optional housemate. I told the gentleman, my cat didn’t cope without me and I didn’t cope without her.

HE TOLD ME TO HAVE HER PUT DOWN!

Now I think you can now tell when I used the term ‘gentleman’ I was being very generous!

Hell on Wheels/Life One Handed

Published November 27, 2015 by helentastic67

Hell on wheels

So, you have probably worked out my blog is not like all the other blog’s you have read and you could fairly presume so far it’s a little on the dark side.

So I think I’ll take the time now to explain the title of my blog.

“HELL ON WHEELS/Not my Best!” (changed it to Life One Handed)

To be clear, my blog has nothing to do with the super awesome AMC TV show called Hell on Wheels. Yes! I watch it! It makes my list and I’m happy to report I’m actually up to date.

So Hell on Wheels is a nickname a friend of my sisters gave me about 20 years ago. I don’t know why, but he is the only one who calls me that and I always kind of liked it. About 8 years ago, I developed a disability that “someone” in their intimate wisdom decide to sort me out with a Mobility Scooter. Some might call them a Rascal! I’ve always called mine ‘Hell on Wheels!’

I’m still working getting the “stickers” to go on the Red plastic. Hell yes! I got red! Red things go faster!

Not all Doom and Gloom

Published November 26, 2015 by helentastic67

Not all doom and gloom

I would like my blog to be something more than dark matter.

Doom and Gloom about disability, so as I had a life before I developed my diagnosis. Thirty plus years of normal life and a really good memory to draw from, so on a lighter note; here’s a little amusing story that I hope people appreciate.

THE FUNNIEST TEXT MESSAGE EVER!

In the very late 90’s I moved back to the country side with my mum and younger sister. I was there for 2 very long years. About once a week we make a trip to the country town I grew up in, about an hour away. Just outside town there is a sign on a gate to a property. The sign clearly states “Cattle!” Shut the Gate. We had many discussions that the cows must be ‘smart cows!’

Fast forward to about 4 years later and I was sitting at my desk, living in Melbourne working.

It wasn’t an extremely happy workplace as I was working for an NGO and had been there for about 3 years always applying for my job and being bullied by some colleagues who had no shame, collecting their pay, despite the fact they spent more time trying to get out of doing their jobs, than actually doing their jobs, which would have been easier.

So this particularly tense day in the office my phone pinged and I quickly glanced at my phone. The text message was from my younger sister. Four simple words that made me laugh so hare I couldn’t breathe and I had tears pouring from my eyes.

Clearly, not the best reaction in an open office, when two staff across the office want you gone and would not be at all thrilled to hear you enjoying “work”.

In front of me, about 4 metres away were my two admin. They both looked at me like I was a little peculiar.

One of the admin was a petite older woman with not a great deal of confidence. I smiled at her and beckoned her over with my finger.

I couldn’t just show her the text as it would have been completely out of context. But I couldn’t immediately tell her either as I was still laughing.

After a little while, I told her and with her British upbringing she patiently awaited the punch line.

The text plainly stated;-

“Smart Cows Got Out!”

On a Happier Note

Published November 26, 2015 by helentastic67

On a Happier Note.

On the upside, as a Barren Spinster (thank you Kitty Flannigan for bringing back the term) and as the proud parent of a Fur Baby, in the family, I’m starting to understand the benefits of more than one cat. My cat is very fussy about her food at the moment. If I had several cats (not going to happen) surely one of those would eat the food, mine currently refuses!.

While I’m on the topic, I’m disgusted at the double standard that a single guy can have an online dating profile and think its okay to claim to have 3 cats, but he’s not interested in a single female with 1 cat – need he say more? – Screw him!!!

Torture for Sure

Published November 26, 2015 by helentastic67

Torture

Today, while I was in the shower, my carer was helping me with a chore, somewhere else in my home. She call out to me –

‘Has your boyfriend been staying over?’

To which I replied ‘WHAT! What boyfriend?’

‘Well, you have all these pajama tops and no pants!’

I told her I had folded the pajama pants already and put them away. Hence why she thought I’d been getting some “action” where the pajama pants were optional.

I informed her – ‘I prefer a little above the waist ‘action’ before any below the waist ‘action’!’

She called out that she was in agreement.

It would probably surprise people that most my friends these days are 10+ years older than me. We have little in common but they’ve seen me naked. They are my carers. I see them more often than I see my actual friends. But this is an example of my sass and why I think my carers like to work with me. Nothing at all to do with seeing me naked.

“Torture for sure!”