If I Go Down, So Do You

Published April 8, 2019 by helentastic67

If I go down

If I Go Down – So Are You, Awkward

There are some days when I’m out and about, where so help me God. Sometimes I think people are going out of their way to get in mine. I get off a tram where I have to take a huge step down and before I get to the curb (2.5 metres away) someone has gotten off the same tram, come around on my left side, then cut right in front of me.

Get in my way

Just a friendly reminder, my worst eyesight is my peripheral on my left side, so I don’t see them coming, but I mean WHY??? Some days it’s every moment I’m out of the house. The last two sets of lights I cross to get from the tram stop to my home, guaranteed people will move into my path to get where they have to be.

Cross my path

One of these days Alice, one of these days, someone’s going to knock me over and I always say “If I go down, you go down with me!” I have been known to say this to kids running around the shopping centre when I’m there.

One of these days, Alice

Fucking kids and these are the ones old enough to know better, I give them my grumpy European stare. My Nona would be proud.

Grumpy Nonna Look

There are also times when I go to get off the tram or train, when I get up early so I can get my left leg to wake up. Rearrange my bag so I don’t have it get in my way and there is usually an awkward moment where another is trying for the door also and they are okay for me to go first. I always let them go first, stating they will be quicker and if I think they can take it, I also tell them, if I fall, I want something soft to land on.

Fall off Tram

If I’m luck to get a startled look from them, I know they heard me and I give them a little smile sometimes, it’s the little things.

Little Smile

Going Out, Then Down

Published April 5, 2019 by helentastic67

Going Out Then Down

Going Out, Then Down

There is so much people wouldn’t realise about my disability, because it’s hidden and because it seems I’m always upright and mobile when they see me.

Hidden Disability

On a rare occasion I might even get out in the evening for some extra-curricular entertainment. No wait! Not like that! (I wish)

Rare Occasion

I went to a theatre production called Kong. It really was a “One-off” adventure, so rare that they are. That night now some years ago, I had also been out and about during the day and had tried to plan for ‘saving’ some energy for the unexpected later that night. ‘Saving energy’ for later – what a foreign concept. The venue had a huge entrance of stairs.

Thearte Entrance

We couldn’t get a park close by, so myself and another, plus our lovely friend who had hosted/escorted us for the adventure, walked us to and from the venue.

Walking to theatre

We had entered the venue through a very upmarket/snobby Café next to the venue and in a lift at the back. (would love to dine there one day).

Snobby Cafe

Afterwards we ended up at a kebab place on Brunswick Street, our host stating many a night had ended there having kebabs. I ate something that came with a fork, just saying. I always go with at least the messiest option.

Kebab Shop

Once more, up the four steps into the unit I lived in at the time and success. Great night out. Good entertainment, good company, good walk in the city even.

Good Company

Door to door service, almost.

Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick

Lastly, plan cuppa T and off to bed. No? Too easy. Ba-boom

Standing in the kitchen, put the kettle on and I feel myself losing balance. If all I have to do is put my left foot back, just a little step to support me.

Lose Balance

No!

Don’t know if it’s the message is to slow the brain. It’s just a completely foreign concept. Make a half-arsed effort to grab onto something, but not enough to not want to cause more damage. I’m going down.

Fall in kitchen 1

Timber!

That’s what people don’t see, when ever I have a fall and it’s not that often thankfully, once a year. I lie there and think to myself “This is NOT the time I wish I wore my Mepacs pendant.” Because I refuse and I do what I have to, to roll over and wriggle up.

Roll over

That’s not pretty, but I haven’t been found the next morning on the floor by any of my carers yet.

So Winning.

Winning

Today’s Lunch – 3rd April 2019

Published April 3, 2019 by helentastic67

Todays Lunch

Today’s Lunch

Good Mental Health Day

A few times a year I am fortunate enough to be taken out for dinner. Monday after a rather long day it was once such lucky day. I was taken out by my Boo! (And his Boo!) well, he says he only has one Boo! Everyone says it with me now! ”aaaaawwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!”

Going to Dinner

Honestly, if I wasn’t lucky enough to have gay men in my life, I wouldn’t have any men in my life!
It is definitely easier to survive as a single barren spinster if you have some gay friends. We went to a Vietnamese place in Preston I was first introduced to around 15 years ago when it was so well respected it made the cover of the Age. That’s the Melbourne based newspaper and it didn’t make the cover of the Epicurian, the foodie magazine inserts, but the actual Age!

Gay Friends

Doing Vietnamese must include vegetarian spring rolls wrapped in a lettuce leave with a mint leaf or two tightly wrapped inside before dunking in the dipping sauce. I also like the weird drink called three colour! It’s got kidney beans in the bottom, green jelly things and ice with coconut milk? It’s hard to tell but it’s nice.

Spring rolls

The strangest and most important thing about going out for dinner with good food and even better company is I was actually home by 8pm! And with leftovers for tonight’s dinner! Again, no photos. My bad!

Leftovers

Here’s my second Bread and Butter pudding for the year! Oh, does it look exactly the same as the first pudding of the year? Yes, because it is, I forgot to take a photograph of that one also.

Pudding

I actually had a day at home yesterday. Still dealing with this annoying cough from my cold and then I had a migraine!

Migraine

So, needing a pain free easy day today at my favourite cafe for sure! Today’s offering is the Ortolani quiche with a side salad (Mediterranean vegetables) and my medicine

Quiche Latte

Cheers

H

Grumble for Help

Published April 1, 2019 by helentastic67

Grumble for help

It is often a challenge for people to know when to offer help to someone with a disability and when to politely want to be asked. Ironically, I often am asked by people if they should ask at all. I am fiercely independent and I recently had a conversation on this exact same topic with my carer, whom I go out shopping with and do my only food preparation days with.

Do You Need Help

We agreed, I will attempt everything first, I might give out noisy, grumpy sounds as I struggle and when I swear a little, it’s probably still okay. But if I sound frustrated, that’s when she knows to offer assistance.

When to offer help

That’s also what I love about this particular carer.

Love carer

I’m More Than Just a Stroke

Published March 29, 2019 by helentastic67

More than just my stroke

I’m More Than Just a Stroke

There is so much judgement to having a stroke. Normally I get it by just a look sent my way from someone in passing. I usually notice it and go for the wry smile anyway. I prefer to kill with kindness.

The look

Sometimes others witness this judgement and they take care of it too. To be clear my mum personalises every single slight that happens to me. So, she reacts like it’s all happening to her. She can’t help herself.

Mum

But the carer while arranging her social engagements for the Sunday afternoon, she told her friend she had me in the morning. She described me as and in the context of “Helen’s forty-five and had a stroke.” Something about the tone she used, I responded with a “Yes?” with the end of the word lifted. Raised my eyebrows some. She sniggered a little and seemed reluctant to share.

Sniggering 1

Her friend’s judgement was swift “forty-five and had a stroke? That’s young for a stroke.”

I reminded her I’d been in my late thirties, but she informed me that he had put him (her friend) in his place, that I hadn’t been a drinker or a smoker.

Drinker and Smoker 1

Big love her way. Bless her cotton socks.

But I reassured her, I’m used to that level of judgement from complete strangers. I told her it was fine, I wasn’t even offended. I had a fairly thick skin in some ways these days and I will growl a questioning grumpy “What?” at someone who gives me a look of disrespect or I will give them a “FUCK YOU” if needed.

Fuck you

So, there are times, it’s just not worth it to need to advocate every single time someone disrespects me or I wouldn’t leave the house or answer the phone or deal with family. I would just stay home and wait to die.

Waiting to die

I do of course reward and thank people who take the time to simply step out of my way, so I can pass and I don’t make a big thing of it, so I incline my head slightly and give them a quiet thank you in their direction.

Thank you

Today’s Lunch – 27th March 2019

Published March 27, 2019 by helentastic67

Today Lunch

Today’s Lunch

Good Mental Health Day

I have two things to celebrate this week, both very slow-burn achievements. One, only I am the beneficiary, the other the whole apartment building I live in benefits. Feeling like a win-win!!!
Firstly, I got my clothes dryer, it was fully funded. Thank you, St Vincent de Paul, below is a photo of my European laundry. Well, the doors to it, in my main bathroom. Then the doors open. Then the third is just of the dryer. This will save me 90 minutes every night in winter from having to bring in my washing from the racks on the balcony and hanging them a second time in my study. It’s not always cool enough to put on the heater in my apartment. I might start getting to bed before 1am. Maybe?

Dryer cupboard Dryer 1 Dryer 2 Dryer 3

The other win, is that the whole building had its windows cleaned. I have been asking since last spring as it’s normally something I get done at that time. I was out at an exhibition opening of a friend from high school, 100 years ago (exaggeration much) and came home to lovely sparkling clean windows! I understand they may never have been done before.

This is my friend Fran O’Neil and I in front of her work. Fran spends part of the year in New York. Go Fran!

Fran and I 1 Fran and I 2

And a nice lunch back at my regular haunt. Very happy. A pumpkin and spinach arancini with side salad and medicine.

Aracini Latte

Cheers H

$8.69 – Part 2

Published March 25, 2019 by helentastic67

$8 69 1

$8.69 Part 2

I feel I should point out why I think I managed to get a reduction in my rent, because I suspect it’s partly to do with the type of property I rent.

Rent Reduction

I got lucky last year and got a property in a scheme that’s part of an affordability scheme called NRAS. No idea, but might find you a link. https://www.nrasvic.com.au/

But the basic premise goes like this, I think it comes under state funding (as opposed to federal) just a fancy term for a different bucket of money. All new builds where there is an excess of 30 apartments on the one site, the owner is offered a tax incentive that a percentage (small) be offered as part of this scheme where they get less rent than current value and the loss in rent is given to them as a tax deduction.

Tax Scheme

The potential range of tenant’s must be low income, I actually had to prove I earned less than $45,000 per year. Um? I’ve never earned that much, so if this scheme had been around, I would always have been eligible.

Low Income

FML

But still, there are seven properties in my building, or considering the number of apartments on site, there might be more. I know there are ‘owner-occupiers’ and a reasonable turn-over of properties being sold.

Low Income Tennants

The scheme runs for ten years and hopefully, depending on the market (property) they will continue for another ten years.

Over all I much appreciate living amongst “Normal” people. As I’ve lived opposite some public housing, I barely coped with that. I wouldn’t have survived living in that public housing. I’m not being a snob, I happily waved and took time to chat to some of the tenants, I gave my compost to a lovely Chinese lady for her garden and the young single dad, I gave away muffins and goodies. But I don’t need to live amongst the drug dealers and crazy people who strangle their cats because I was “listening” to their conversations. I wouldn’t hear you do your phone banking if you didn’t do it on your front balcony.

Live amongst normal people

Yeah, that guy turned out to be Schizophrenic.

Disclaimer: Not everyone in Public Housing is a drug dealer or schizophrenic.

$8.69 – Part 1

Published March 22, 2019 by helentastic67

8 69 Part 1

$8.69 Part 1

$8.69, $8.69, $8.69 ad nauseum!

So, I moved into the apartment in late 2017 and had my first inspection in March. So far so good. Then I was asked if I could be available for another walk-through, about four months into my twelve-month lease.

First Inspection

I confess, to say even knowing the rental law for twenty years of renting etc, I was concerned. I had asked for the OK to get my fur baby, had been less for over a year now and sad. Still so sad.

Permission Fur Baby

So, I also started to worry this extra visit was related. Eventually, my property manager told me they had to bring through a guy to ‘value’ the property.

Value property

Oh, my God, what’s happening? Please don’t sell. I just go here. You have no idea the drama it is to move when you have a disability. How much goes astray, how much I would sell, that gets given away, thrown away, donated, LOST, damaged, when you are one-handed.

Moving House

Anyway, the property manager bought the quiet man through and it was all very sterile and efficient. Not complaining but, my home wasn’t as clean as it had been for the inspection and of course, I was stressed so over thinking. A few months later, I received and email. It was late at night when I got to my email, that day. I thought – Cat? Or what? Oh, no! What? OMG, I got what?

Rent reduction

A RENT REDUCTION? WTF?

Small rent reduction

When do you ever hear about that?

Okay, it wasn’t much, yes, you guessed it. It was only $8.69 per month. But whose complaining.

OMG

I haven’t mentally spent it yet. However, I’m breathing a small sigh of relief.

How to spend it

So Cat?

Cat So

Today’s Lunch – 20th March 2019

Published March 20, 2019 by helentastic67

Todays Lunch

Today’s Lunch

Good Mental Health Day

The last few days I’ve been contemplating how to tell you all something. I have a few followers that are obviously of a very strong catholic faith, shall I say. For the rest of you, I’ll put your minds at rest. There is NO GOD! And I say this because I have a cold!

No God 1

I know, shocking right? I’m sure to cover my reasoning and beliefs in the faith department one day. Not sure if I have already, or not. But I will.

Faith

When I get a cold, the spasticity in my left arm is not fun, it shakes uncontrollably. Hope it doesn’t in public.

I have a cold

I haven’t been able to tell if I’ve had hot flushes or a fever but I just happened to be seeing my GP yesterday and he agreed it’s a fever. So, drugs! Yay! Me! Please be the ones that help me shed some pounds. I do already have the probiotics you should take with them.

Fever

I thought to empty my waste paper basket of tissues before my Wednesday carer arrived because she is acting like I’m contagious and I’ve got the Black Plague, lord love her! (She’s going to read this and growl!) I told my GP I tried to separate two black garbage bags and I couldn’t so quickly throw them aside. He told me they can be hard with two hands. I put it down to Child-Proof and therefore, sometimes Helen-Proof!

Contaminated

I usually have a stockpile of tissues in my home and I burnt through that in two days. Good thing I live close to the German shop we all love. Stopped in and got enough to last a few more days. On Friday I can have some real drugs, Antibiotics.

Tissues

Meanwhile, today’s lunch, somewhere different today! Lamb pizza with lemon and my medicine!

Lamb Pizza Latte

And a picture of Mika finally having discovered her new toy.

Mika and toy

Cheers,
H

Waiting Game

Published March 18, 2019 by helentastic67

Waiting Game

(By not responding, you are saying you would rather I was dead. Let that be on your Conscience)

I often wonder if people know or realise what it’s like to be kept waiting? I know we are all so impatient and then younger generation (I’m sounding like an old lady) I know SHUDDUP with first world problems. But really!

Realize

Keeping in mind, despite my sometimes ‘good-cheer’ I still have the underlying mental health issues of depression and anxiety, so I’m making a stand. It’s fucking important.

Please Reply

If I send you a message, reply!

It’s a possibility I need your help or I need something. If I don’t hear back, I’ll not stop messaging you. I will consider everyone else in the world has a busy life, a significant other, husband, wife, kids, a job, holidays, pets and a mortgage.

Busy lives

Don’t worry, I fucking know, you have all the things in the world that I don’t have. It’s usually why I leave you alone. I let people live their lives, I keep myself busy. This is why I watch soooo much TV. But, if I message you in any way, shape or form, please respond.

Watching TV

I’ve had some people (family, yes, I said it) who feel pestered when I continually message them. Let me tell you what it’s like when I’m playing the waiting game. I over think, I stress, then I feel like I’m an annoyance. I feel like you think, life would be easier for everyone if I wasn’t here.

Depresssion and family