humor

All posts tagged humor

And Next

Published April 28, 2025 by helentastic67

And Next

So, people are getting the understanding, I’m now a homeowner. A rate payer. Seemingly, when some acknowledge as a fifty-two-year-old single barren spinster, I’m a respectful member of society.


It’s a weird space to be in, because I always hoped and imagined owning my home one day just assumed I’d have a husband that would pay the mortgage and my income would go towards the beautiful tiles to renovate a bathroom.

When my father died, I was able to contemplate having a forever home and weirdly conversations with friends about buying started to feel weird but normal. The basic understanding was shock, because I didn’t work and who was going to give me a mortgage. Trust me, I did all the research and was in all the groups and organisations that build AFFORDABLE AND SUSTAINABLE HOMES FOR LOW INCOME, etc.


I even had to fight to have myself put back on the public house in lists. That right there is a Bag of Farts. You don’t want it. But maybe not in a bag, but you need it and if you get offered it you definitely don’t want it. See the bag of fart analogy works out in the end.


After reaching out to both Local MP’s and Local Federal Members, the first time not much help, the second time never even replied to my call. I changed tactics and just got to house hunting. To be clear I didn’t have house money. I had Apartment Money, I’ve just wanted to make my dad proud.


The research I did leading up to buying, I learnt what you can get for how much. I saved fifty K, okay not having a second bathroom, but also spend an extra fifty K on not having a building with a car stacker. I’m still serious car stackers are a travesty. I hear nothing but horror stories.


Admittedly, the buildings that had those, the apartments felt much more like student digs. International students with lots of food deliveries. I really wanted a much more owner/occupier vibe with friendly neighbours who cook and give a crap about the environment and not having food arrive that they leave at the entrance to only get refunded and they do it all again.



The Massage

Published January 20, 2017 by helentastic67

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I think my body image has taken a hit in the last 10 years! But not my sense of humour!

No man has seen me naked for nearly that long!

This week a 20-year old guy gave me a relaxation massage. Wait! Don’t get too excited.

He pulled the curtain back and said “Just take everything off and get under the towel.” I must have started a little because he then said “You can keep your underwear on!”

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So, I presumed it was a negotiation and counter offered with “How about I leave everything on from the waist down and you work on my back and my Carpel Tunnel and if there’s time my feet?”

He came around to my way of thinking and I got ready. Should point out it’s really hard to lie on my tummy with my left arm by my side.

Putting the towel over me, it’s just never going to happen. He returned and I asked his help to take my left arm out from under me.

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He did this and I told him I had to do one last thing before I was ready. He asked what it was?

I told him I had to tuck my left ‘girl’ under me. He replied he could not help me with that. I told him he could “but neither of us were ready for that.”

Don’t think I’m super wealthy, that massage was at a free clinic, I attend where the students volunteer their time so they can get experience.

I like to reward them with my humour.

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