Problem

I have a problem! Yeah, I know I have plenty, but in this case, it is my inability to go to bed and go to sleep by 2am at times.

This is not a new thing for me and depression and chronic pain skewed my sleeping patterns, go hand in hand.

I have had ridiculous sleeping patterns since my late teens, but these days I find I need to explain why I’ve fallen into this diabolical pattern.

 

I mean I won’t die, going to bed at 2am. However, it really very much impacts everything the next day, how well my brains is rested, my left leg works etc. So, I explain it like this, having one hand, not being able to dry myself, dress my self (very well), the brain strain it takes to do simple things like prepare breakfast (yes, I can, however painfully) hunger is a great motivator, all I’m saying.

But, during the day, I’m out and doing the things, like going to appointments that keep me moving independently and fed. I text and cull emails or some quick phone calls when out on trams heading home, so I save time later. I get home, I really want to crash and face-plant and sleep, but I have learned that sleep at this point is bad. I get here and I do the chores that keep my home and life going, bring in washing, unpack/repack dishwasher etc.

I generally need time to rest and decompress. I have a coffee, even if it’s my second for the day and it’s 6pm. No it doesn’t keep me awake, no, don’t argue, it really doesn’t. I have some Italian blood after all.

Then, I get ahead of my “Brain Training” or what I consider my brain training. (you an ask me in other forums, I really can’t mention in my blog). Then I watch a few shows I feel keep me in touch with the real world.

But I digress. The evening is filled with hours of TV and some social media stuff and emails, let alone the admin/case notes I do every day, so if needed I can be billed correctly, I message friends so I can keep in touch with people I love.

At some point I realise, should I eat dinner? Yes! It’s probably as late as 11pm.

You see the slippery slope to hell now? I prepare something tasty, lazy, but healthy and I get back to admin and emails. I like to have a cuppa T (yes cup of tea) and a brain numbing horror or two of TV to help wind down and switch off

Before I know it, it’s 2am.

I’m working on it, I swear…