Cat Toys

Published December 27, 2019 by helentastic67

Cat Toys

I have discovered my cat’s favourite toy. I was (as I call it) cat-less for about two years, between my beloved Jamima, Patch the Pirate cat Puddle Duck.

Before getting Mika, just Mika. Or as I sometimes mistakenly call her Ja-Mika. SHUT UP.

Yes, I might have a type it’s tortoise shell. Once you go tortoise shell, you don’t go back. There’s a crazy little psycho in there in everyone.

Anyway, I digress at first, I did what many parent does, I got out Jamima’s old toys, some of which she showed no interest in what so ever and that tradition seems to have been continued.

Of course, like any new hopeful pet owner when the time came, I went out and bought what I like to call the ‘bird on the stick’ and the ‘snake on the stick’. These just live on the bed these days.

Actually, she’s on her second ‘bird’ as one day there appeared to have been a massacre of a bird on the bed.

But, however her favourite toy, I discovered purely by accident as we all do.

One evening, as I was sitting on the couch catching up on my admin, I crumpled up a piece of paper quarter of an A4. Mika appeared from nowhere like a meerkat in front of my legs.

The meerkat version of Mika, sitting on her rump, head twisting from side to side and keen interest on what was in my hand. I threw the wad of paper towards the apartment door. Mika did go get it. I don’t know where she takes them, but occasionally I go around within ‘Reachy-Grabby – thing’.

And collect the balls of paper from every nook and cranny. Tonight, I found this under my Happiness cabinet.

Fuck! I nearly died laughing. There was another toy there, but Mika came and took it away before I could get a photo. I think my neighbours might think a crazy woman lives here.

*No birds were killed during the writing of this post and Mika is an indoor-cat only, so I want to keep it that way.

Today’s Lunch – 25th December 2019

Published December 24, 2019 by helentastic67

Today’s Lunch

Good mental health day! Or as I like to say Merry fucking Christmas!

It’s actually Tuesday right now, Christmas Eve as I tap this out. It’s a good day, I’m well-adjusted as I’ve seen my chiropractor who I won’t see now until mid-January. My girl Friday and I had fish and chips for lunch in Fairfield.

I will have a medicine later at home. I received a gift from my mum yesterday in the post and presuming it was a tree, due to its shape, I’ve left it to open tomorrow. A message late last night came from my mum stating I should open it and that it wasn’t a tree? I don’t know, you tell me? Mine is on the right, she lied didn’t she! It’s a tree!

My Christmas Tree

Mums Christmas Tree

Also, a photo of it during daylight without the lights on. I hope JD is impressed? As promised, cat-friendly. It is sitting on top of things in my living room about a metre off the ground and Mika can’t get to it, or shows little interest.

Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas. Be safe and try not to eat too much. I received my new NDIS Plan just in time for Christmas. I’m not looking at it until Thursday and over the New Year, I need to take some time off. My first medical appointment in the new year is the 9th and all the crazy starts again.

Also, while my girl-Friday was away I had some fresh new carers, one day I was in K-Mart on an important call from a lawyer. Trying to take it seriously when I looked up and this is how my girl-Friday 2, Oh had kept herself busy……..

I don’t know how I made it through that phone call.

Lastly, a big thanks for my wonderful blog administrator Noelle for whom hellonwheels would not happen. I am lucky her husband has a thing for trying to give himself diabetes. Last week, I managed to mule some gifts their way via a friend.

And today, the 24th, I managed to mule some goodies to the States to be sent to my friend in Texas! I have a post to write about to gift for appropriating people to mule things for me.

Also, Many thanks for my 200+ followers, for comments from close and far. Hope to see you in 2020!

Rest! Replenish and see you back for more in 2020!

Cheers,
H

Bucket of Funding – How to Stem the Flow

Published December 23, 2019 by helentastic67

Bucket of Funding – How to Stem the Flow

Today, I thought I’d give you all a lesson on how to over promise and under deliver and do it in a way that your clients, if you are lucky, will be slow enough not to realise for a little while.

Big business can’t work this way, they would be bankrupt. But this is how governments seem to work because ours at least, is not want the bucket of water to empty too quickly.

When I talk about funding for people with disabilities, there is always talk about State V Federal funding and it’s all about a different bucket of funding.

What they promise is a huge bucket of funding, when they start to deliver on what has been promised. Big bucket with a huge hole in the bottom.

Here’s a life lesson by example:

When the NDIS was piloted in a region in every state of Australia, it was out with everyone having an appointment (assessment) with the NDIA directly.

There was not much (if any) information about where the pilot regions would be, because they worried people would move there and flood those areas (causing a false economy etc) No one knew, what they could ask for from the NDIA, as they seemed to be making it up as they went.

Ironically, rumour was it was such a painful process, people were leaving the pilot region (in Victoria, it was down near Geelong) nobody knew how long the pilot program would run or when it would be rolled out in their district.

It way maybe three or four years before it went to phase two (1^st roll out after the pilot) still impossible to get information of what we could get, what it would cover.

We all got the message in the early days not to get reports and supporting letters early, because the NDIA wouldn’t accept anything older than six months.

I digress,

So, when my region was rolled out, the Northern District of Melbourne, there were three large areas rolled out together. It was fucking chaos and this is the important part. This is how to stem the flow, rather than follow the pilot region (why else have a pilot region, I ask?) they outsourced to other agencies and businesses (Not for Profit, NGO’s) who had tendered for the contracts, but it felt like the information was not given in a clear and concise format.

No one was on the same page and it rather seemed untrained and inexperienced staff were only to gather information for someone else to decide.

I know my mum did some training with an agency that I was not allowed to attend (because I was the client) and it was more geared towards the others, carer or family members present whose participant was much higher needs and had the background of having funding. And I found my mum returning all very excited, I could get a FREE COMPUTER.

I sigh! Oh, dear God, what do I need to set her straight on now?

“You can get a free computer from Greenpeace”

What!? Did you hear that too? (I’m asking you, reading this post)

Um, mum that is an NGO to save the whales.

Daughter, ever so ungrateful, poo-pooing on mum’s new found wealth of knowledge.

“Fine, you call Greenpeace and ask for a FREE COMPUTER” on the other hand, “Green PC” was an NGO that would be donated computers, they would upgrade them and then donate them to people who reeked then, or had to buy them for not much at all.

They ceased trading back in (I forgot now, back in 2010?) because they felt every household in Australia had a computer.

I’m wrapping this post up now!

Oh wait, at first there was a rumble about how much the NDIS was costing tax-payers. More obviously, than they had imagined.

Then, they were suggesting they would dip into the NDIS bucket to give to the drought affected farmers, some much needed financial relief.

There was outrage!

Instead, pubs were offering $10.00 Parma and chips or Parma and salad deals and sending/donating the profit to the drought relief. Which is great, farmers are still dealing with drought.

But the lesson here is the government seemed to work out from the pilot region roll out, not what was needed and how to offer a service and deliver in a timely fashion, but how to slow down their money escaping the bucket too quickly.

If our NDIA ran like a business, no one would choose to do business with them or be their customer and here in lies my point. That is the point.

Footnote! The farmers while optimistic, were not at all on board with funds being taken from the disability sector. “For the drought-stricken farmers we pray for rain”.

Fresh Friday

Published December 20, 2019 by helentastic67

Fresh Friday

It’s not every Friday, it’s not even every other Friday but when it happens it’s fresh! And I’m writing it the day before it goes live because it’s time sensitive and needs to be said. That is because Christmas is only a week away – not even!

While there are many pluses to being a single barren spinster, there are a few negatives and the main obvious ones is the dilemma of Christmas. Before you ask, no my family do not read my blog! But it is also to say, despite the situation at Christmas time it’s not anyone’s fault. No one is to blame it still goes under the heading, it is what it is.

It’s just kinda crappy!

At Christmas, my family is in opposite ends of the state. My mum and younger sister live in one direction close to where I grew up. My older sister and her partner, sorry fiancé live in the other. My father is still in my hometown and I only generally get there to see him when I go to my mums at Christmas for about a week.

While arriving at my mums in the countryside, opening the car door usually late at night upon arrival, brings an instant breathe of fresh air, I fled with pine trees and wood smoke. But from the moment of my arrival, I need someone to help me do everything. There is slip and trip hazards everywhere. Also, doors that must be kept closed to keep this cat outside, my cat inside, me away from cobweb-hazards.

And while my mum very generously gives me her bedroom for the duration of my stay, I’m down the other end of the house from activity. It’s hot and isolating. We all like different things but mine is not at all in line with my hosts. I pitch in by way of packing and unpacking the dishwasher and usually upon arrival I get a wave of OCD, because so much doesn’t have a home, and they have both been so busy making it to Christmas the dust kick-starts my hay fever and I can’t sit still for collecting things for recycling, etc and that just drives them insane that I can’t sit and relax.

We are all tired and we mostly all go into a kind of survival mode. I hibernate, watch my TV shows and sleep.

There is a day I go to visit my high school friends for a few hours, I browse my favourite shop and go visit my father where he has arranged his two brothers and sister in law to visit for afternoon tea. My Aunty always asks, “do you still like honey bread?” Do we all of a sudden stop liking chocolate? Or needing air to survive? And I go home with honey bread. It’s rhetorical right?

My older sister and fiancé are dog people. They have three. Why are they not labelled crazy dog ladies??? No! Of course, it’s just cat-ladies that get a bad rap. They generally do their own thing Christmas Day, this year being the first Christmas my future sister in law without her mum, sadly.

In recent years, we have managed to get together for what I refer to as a lovely lady’s lunch. Usually early December, somewhere a bit special. This year, I offered to attempt to arrange where and when and something we could all afford to contribute to. We all have vastly different fluidity of funds. (That’s a lot of F’s, and none of them my favourite version) You gotta give me a point for that? And after early efforts it became obvious it was to be put off for January, I was fucking (sorry, not sorry!) busy and everyone was proving hard to please. So, I dropped the ball.

So, it has not happened. I made the decision to spend Christmas home with Mika in air-conditioned comfort where I can at least have my carers every day and maintain my independence without need for someone to stop what they’re doing to open a door or move something for me. Not to mention our blend of intolerable foodie intolerance’s. No turkey? Last year I was informed mum forgot the stuffed turkey roll only 30 minutes north of Melbourne in a 3.5-hour drive to the country. Take me back and no Christmas pudding! Because the youngest hates peel! What?

So, this year I decided to go it alone at home and I’m ok with that. I’ve got enough ham to last me a portion a day for two weeks and some for the freezer. Not yet sorted a pudding, but I can cope with that. Besides I have rum balls.

I’ve also been managing the guilt and expectation of others, at the last minute my mum has asked if I can invite some of my neighbours over on Christmas Day? Because Christmas is supposed to be about family and being together and putting all of your shit aside for one day, so you can celebrate together and I don’t want to inflict myself upon others and ruin some other family’s day. I told my mum the people she suggested I could invite over we’re going to be in the States for two weeks and the other neighbour is Muslim, so no ham for her, or rum balls.

So, as a gentle reminder to those with plans for Christmas Day. Please check in on a neighbour or elderly person or anyone you know who may be socially isolated. It means so much to hear a friendly voice when you feel you are all alone.

FYI, I’m off social media Christmas Day and both my numbers are silent. So, if you want to reach out be prepared beforehand.

Now, on a more upbeat note: I do have a really upbeat post planned for Christmas Day, so stay tuned. And JD, you will get your cat-friendly Christmas tree!

Cheers,
H

Today’s Lunch – 18th December 2019

Published December 18, 2019 by helentastic67

Today’s Lunch

Good Mental Health Day

It feels like just yesterday was the 1st December and all of a sudden Christmas is next week. I’m not ready! I still haven’t done my Christmas cards yet, not kidding. If you are expecting one? It’s coming, it will just be late.

Last week I had a stressful week thinking my laptop had died, I was not happy. Took a serious effort to work out the not one but both power cords for my laptop had been compromised. One cord had bare wires, the culprit?

Stay tuned Friday for a brand-new post about my plans for Christmas, spoiler alert. I’m staying home with the above alone and stay tuned to appreciate why it’s the best option.

Meanwhile, really need a stress-free lunch today. So, here it is, Chicken and Tumeric salad and medicine.

And I got a present from Robert & his wife Nikki.

Efficient

Published December 16, 2019 by helentastic67

Efficient

How to learn valuable life lessons and the value of efficiency? Learn to do things one-handed.

The End!

No really, I see a series coming up.

Back in the busy days of my teenage years, I started to have some weakness in my left arm, when doing evening cuppa T (tea) duty, family was impatient and didn’t appreciate me taking my time bringing one cup in at a time from the kitchen to the loungeroom (not far for Christ sake. Be patient).

So, I carried two cups and my left-hand shook, spilling some tea. The carpet (shagpile from the 70’s) was far from immaculate, I was growled at. Then I was instructed to dip my left shoulder a bit. It didn’t help.

But, the moral of the story is, from seventeen years of age I started being much more efficient one-handed. I didn’t stop using my left, I just favoured my right.

I could touch type, however years later in my early thirty’s if I was holding a phone to my left ear while chatting with a client, I could type much more efficiently right-handed, even with only three fingers (thumb, little finger and pointer finger). Still can, had years of practice.

When Everything Was Going Well – Then

Published December 13, 2019 by helentastic67

When Everything Was Going Well – Then

Ok, this must be said first, we will never speak of it again. To be fair I will probably need to start a series and this is a very mild one, as the others are very embarrassing and will come complete with a threat of violence to any who mention them in my presence.

This is not so embarrassing, just a moment of pure frustration where everything was going so well (in my kitchen) and then all of a sudden: Just NO.

As you should be aware, I’m a pretty decent home cook, even for a one-handed numpty like myself. So, when things go somewhat sideways, I’m wondering how it happened. I have a cooking shift with a carer once weekly.

It’s with my Girl-Friday chick and we are really good working together in the kitchen. I’m the experienced ‘brain’ in the duo and my Girl-Friday is the muscle.

Don’t think for a second I give her all my shit-work. I don’t. We work really well together, I do more of the cutting of vegies, while she does the peeling, but while she has things to do, I will clean the sink and pack the dishwasher well and dictate what she needs to do next. Normally, when we bake cakes (or muffins as I can turn them out one-handed) Today, we did a double batch of some muffins I regularly do. I make them regularly and I never do a single batch. It requires a big bowl which the dry ingredients goes into (the flours, sugar, raising agents) then another (with the secret ingredient/the vanilla essence/the oils) and a third bowl to whisk the eggs. Add C to B, then to A.

Oh, what’s that? You want the recipe? No. Or I’d have to kill you all.

Some recipes I don’t give out. Never. They come with the polite threat “I can tell you, but I’ll have to kill you!”

So, today all of the ingredients were doubled, except I quadrupled the two flours and it wasn’t until Girl-Friday had mixed the wet into the dry that I stated “Why is it so dry?” 6.30pm came and Girl Friday will try to continue to ‘fix’ them and I’m more of the mind to ‘bin-it’ and move on.

I’ve been known to rescue a bechamel sauce from disaster and Girl Friday (20 years my junior, often mistaken as my daughter) is in awe.

But on a rare occasion I don’t know what the hell happened, in the end I baked ¾’s of the mixture and will try one tomorrow with a little butter to make the final decision.

While on other days we will smash out a double batch of other muffins, a batch of mushroom baskets, (including halal-friendly dozen for my neighbour) and a cauliflower and sauce.

Today’s Lunch – 11th December 2019

Published December 11, 2019 by helentastic67

Today’s Lunch

Good Mental Health Day

Today, while still a classic mid-week foodie post I’m giving you a crash course in classic Melbourne weather, we are only 10 days into summer. Part of Australia is on fire! Sydney, is covered in smoke.

And on Monday, Melbourne had a hot day, close to 40 degrees. I was down in Collingwood for my osteo appointment and as we sat around complaining about the oven-like temperature an older gentleman informed us in no uncertain terms we were complaining too much and I quote: “It’s been summer for 6 hours and you are all acting like you are going to die!” I agreed with him but told him tartly, “you make a fine point except for the fact that two weeks ago we had our second fake winter!”

I’ve been way too busy of late and with carers away on holidays, I’ve had many a call or text to negotiate last minute changes. It’s an ongoing saga. I refer to it as Putting out spitfires! Obviously, preferable to actual fires.

Last week, I had a migraine for days! As I ended up taking a tramadol! And Thursday my carer convinced me to go back to bed. She actually tucked me in. #love my carers

Today, I’m over in the west, in Footscray! (I refer to it as ‘scray!) As I’m at a meeting finishing this post. Had a visit with Wilbur yesterday.

What? You can’t imagine I can multi-task one-handed? Have you met me? My names Helen! And today’s lunch is…………….some healthy fruit, beetroot dip & crackers.

Note; NO MEDICINE?!!!!!(coffee)

Competent

Published December 9, 2019 by helentastic67

Competent

Once upon a time, I had a great Case-Manager when they were still call that (Now, in 2019 It’s called Support Co-ordinator). She and I were doing some forms to apply for funding. We struggled to think of a softer, less offensive word for incompetent. Oh, how we struggled.

Remember the day when studying at College, the options were ‘Competent’ or ‘Not yet Competent’? I presume, it was because by hell or highwater you would pass. They would get over the line, so they got the statistics they needed to continue getting funded.

Keeping in mind, I was not trying to be a brain surgeon, but to dress windows and make store displays so enticing you just had to buy them.

Nor did I know back then, I was not a man nor a gay man. Nor did I have a folio sufficient for me to do freelance. Nor did I own a car or a licence. Another think ‘Not yet competent’ does not cut it.

I digress, I have recently found the appropriate answer to my original question.

I shall remind you, “What is another word for Incompetent?”

I think that word is “ineffective” So, I’ve had a few ineffective Case-Managers, but that is for another day.

Comedy

Published December 6, 2019 by helentastic67

Comedy

You have all heard comedy is the best medicine. Well, it’s probably not going to cure cancer or get my Pap Smear done. But however, I’m just suggesting laughing is better than crying.

Patch Adams

I will record comedy on late night TV on my Toppy (Topfield) and these days as my kitchen, lounge and dining area is all in one. I will put on some comedy while I cook, for company. A young Aussie comedian is talking about how hard it is to get a fitted sheet on a bed. So,

In the last place I lived I had three bedrooms; I know rich right! No, it was a dump, it was hot and the landlord was a creep. But it allowed me to have a study and a spare room with a single bed for when friends or family stayed over.

The sheet changing day, I would have my morning carer take the sheets off, so I could get them in the machine, then on the line. I would usually get out clean sheets and put them on the bed so my next carer could just get stuck in. Mostly. This particular day I had gotten distracted, didn’t get them out. My next carer arrived, no sheets. She asked which colour I wanted and I suggested she choose. Honestly, I am in my ‘Oh white sheets place, I get it now’ faze and the other set I have is say a French Chocolate-grey. (Yes! I’m that chick)

Now, also whatever sheet is in the washing machine, the other goes on the bed. Two weeks on, two weeks off. I wear pyjamas, so it’s not an eeeww moment. I told her to pick.

She called to me from the bedroom to the lounge several times and not waiting to be distracted, I suggested she choose.

I thought I was empowering her to be independent. I’m like so, made to be a mum, right? This carer is still my regular and I really love her. She is often mistaken as my daughter, but that’s another story.

Eventually, she came to me with a barrage of questions and I put what I was doing aside and went with her to the bedroom. I got to the door and stopped.

“Are you sure these are for this bed?” she asked me.

The sheets were light purple, they went on the single bed. Oh, sweet Jesus! I just laughed.

I told her I was laughing with her, not at her and she informed me how hard it had been to get it on the bed.

But she didn’t find it as funny as I had. I suggested I wouldn’t do it to her again, however I did ask if she struggled again, could she come get me so I could watch.

I call this carer my Girl Friday and these days she is also my Girl Wednesday and once a month, my Girl Tuesday. We laugh a lot as we had built up the rapport to do that which is nice.