Old Friends

Published September 13, 2026 by helentastic67

Old Friends

I’ve also had a friend staying in Melbourne. Although for him, it’s not a holiday. It’s just a change of where he’s lying in a bed — and no carers, instead nurses.

We went to high school together. We were not friends but have become friends in the last ten years or so. At high school, we were both outsiders, but his being different made him much more of a target for bullying. That didn’t sound right, I was bullied too. It’s just girls do it more subtly. I know!

When I was young, bullying was called being “picked on”. It was indeed bullying, but you weren’t told by strangers that you should kill yourself. You just ended up wanting to kill yourself. And people had to come up to you and tell you to your face they didn’t like you, at which time you or I would tell them to their face to “Fuck off!” Anyway. I digress.

A few weeks ago, said friend, “Dear John”, rang me on a Sunday night, starting with a profound apology. I cut him off with a, “You never need to apologise to me!” That’s when he explained he had been down already for three weeks, at which time I told him he was dead to me.

My thoughts and feelings on this are that I don’t get back to the country often, so him being closer to me means I’m going to take advantage and hit him with my form of love language. If you’re new here, my love language is food!

Now, what it helps to know about said friend is that he has a spinal injury and has had it since we were only seventeen. He was the tallest, oldest kid at the Royal Children’s Hospital back in 1998. He is considered an incomplete quad. That means for him, he’s in bed most of the day and week. He has the use of one arm from the elbow to his hand, with the ability to reach his phone on his bedhead. It is to say, he cannot feed himself.

The first time I visited him a few years ago with a bag of sweet and savoury treats, I did not know how much help he needed. I prompted him with a very silly suggestion, and he simply told me that nothing gets in his mouth without somebody putting it there! And there is something really humbling about being able to go and feed someone something they could not otherwise access or feed themselves. It’s a humbling experience and a privilege. I’m not friends with him out of pity.

I’ve definitely had many life experiences he has not. I’ve had friends who have lived lives I have not, and I share stories with him he would likely not prefer to hear, but it’s always a starting point. I think he is entertained by my stories and banter. Definitely the d’Affinois I’ve introduced him to.

And more recently, my mushroom baskets and homemade sausage rolls. I usually start his stays in Melbourne by taking him a halloumi pide. It’s something he would not get or bother to try in the country where he grew up and still resides.

I grew up an hour from him, but our lives, as mentioned, have been very different. My first visit was assisted by a friend who drove me there and helped by collecting pide in Heidelberg on our way. I introduced both friends. She went to do her thing and upon arrival, I enquired where his laptop was. He no longer had a small TV hanging from the ceiling, and I was informed his laptop had arrived that morning at 9:25am. After consulting his phone, I discovered that was, in fact, the case. It’s always a challenge being in hospital.

If it’s not a planned visit, you may have found yourself in hospital without so much as a charging cable for your phone. He had also reported to me that he had the “black screen of death” on his laptop! His carer agency had arranged for a new laptop and had it sent. I went to ask at the nurses’ station. It arrived in the time I was there and I prompted him as to whether he had any carers to help set it up. He seemed nonplussed.

My friend returned, and hearing my concern as to who would get it out and set it up for him, my friend got up and went to work. She held out the barcode on the box for me to get a photo and send it to him. I couldn’t even do that, honestly, what a princess I am. I got the fuck out of the way. I asked who would set it up for him, and he said he would. I know for this he uses a stick between his teeth. I asked how long this would take, and he said, “Not long.”

Over the years, we have had many conversations about patients and how this existence has taught him to be patient. I know in comparison to this friend, I’m an Olympic sportswoman. And let’s call her “T for Tech” because however long it takes to set up a new computer, it’s too long. I am so impatient.

While visiting, I gave him a little sass, and my friend — let’s call her “T for Tech” — gave me a look that said I was pushing it too far. I responded with, “What? It’s not his first day!” He snorted a small laugh. You can imagine any more effort than that hurts. I like to laugh out loud.

I like that birds scatter and people might notice and wonder where it came from and what might cause such an outburst. I guess this happens with me too. I imagine people wish they were a fly on the wall in these conversations. I spend actual time with them and not with actual family, as much as I’ve tried.

When I’m out and about with my carers, there is always banter, sweet conversations and a feeling like I’m part of a family. It’s not my actual family, but it is a family.

So, I know I’m in high regard somewhere.

Sheds and Landlords

Published August 3, 2026 by helentastic67

Sheds and Landlords

These days I like people who offer me more solutions than problems. It is to say even if I’m not paying them out of pocket and its coming from my NDIA funding I want solutions. Efficiency is also ideal. One of the many conversations trying to solve the problems around my scooter and storing it and powering it, etc.

Oh my God and when I moved almost a year ago now, I cannot tell you what I would have given somebody to not need to discuss dishwashers ever again, but my scooter. Just kill me.

Had a meeting with an OT, who I will add should probably have been project managing solving this issue! and when she looked to depart, I said to her “Aren’t you going to stay to discuss shed’s and storing solutions?” I was informed she had another client to go see and she didn’t know anything about “sheds!” Fuck! I didn’t either but I might have considered she could have learnt.

I will point out now for over fifteen years when my first OT sorted my scooter, the funding for which and separate funding for a shed from a separate NGO, for which every place I’ve rented since I’ve been able to put the shed on the property somewhere to house and charge and secure the precious hellonwheels.

Landlords came to the party with little effort to install a live power supply. One property manager when I dropped in for a friendly chat to let him know I would be formally giving notice to vacate he told me, “You’ll be leaving the shed?” My landlords were wogs. As was he, and I had no problem reminding him the shed was mine and he could “Fuck off!” so it was never mentioned again. They are lucky the police had not been contacted after my landlord had gotten handsy and I on a second occasion took the time to explain to him he had no right to ask what he had of me and no right to imagine what he had. I will hope you get where this was going? He did not think he had done anything wrong and he was only dissuaded from his thinking when I suggested we ask his son to join the conversation and see what he thought. His son parked out the front to deliver his children before breakfast, then he collected them after work at the end of the day. The landlord lived very close by. The son was close to my age, I know he would have not been impressed by his father’s actions.

I’ve not told many of what happened on several occasions in my home where you should feel safe, where you pay money to someone who therefore has power and responsibility over you, but the few people either did an incident report and another told me I definitely had a skill set that many did not.

In case you are concerned I was not assaulted. I’m not a victim or a survivor; I just didn’t appreciate his hand being anywhere on my person he thought he could put it for whatever his intentions. Not complaining. I think I look back at all the jobs, in clubs or elsewhere and they all gave me certain skills, a calm confidence to deal with situations most do not have to in a workplace.

You should take it for granted that I’m nice, I’m sweet, but you don’t mess with me. Few people have learnt this the hard way and karma is a Bitch! And so am I.

That got dark, didn’t it? I just mean when people do me wrong, I point out to them the error of their ways so they are not misled to think they can take advantage of me or others.

I should also say if you have been inflicted with attention you did not ask for whatever the outcome, please talk to someone you trust, a friend, a person in a position to help guide or navigate unfamiliar territory. But tell somebody. It’s not your fault and you didn’t ask for it. I wonder if I should have offered a trigger warning at the beginning of this post. It is not where I intended for it to go, so I apologise if anybody has reason to feel traumatised.

Censorship

Published May 9, 2022 by helentastic67

Censorship

When you read this post, please keep in mind I’ve had my brain injury over fifty years and I’m not even fifty yet. I know I only learned of my AVM (Arterio Venous Malformation) when I was thirty-four, but my diagnosis meant many symptoms I’d experienced all my life, finally I had some meaning.

So, I guess it was going to happen sooner or later. I just always imagined it might be a family member that thought to insist I edit my blog. But then, my family would need to read my blog. We all realise blogging is about sharing thoughts, ideas, theories, witty stories (I hope in my case), but thought-provoking stuff. If you don’t like one post or a word, think about why? Have a Conversation. It’s how we learn new things. Get educated.

I didn’t ever think it would be from an ungrateful group I’ve donated ten plus years of my life volunteering for. Talking members off a ledge, explaining and giving context to past endeavours and advocating for all the efforts of past volunteers so everything they have contributed isn’t burnt to the ground.

Seriously, so many emails.

People insisting on using “Reply-All!!!!!” Can people please stop doing that? Just stop it!
So, having been offered an ultimatum. I think nobody will end up thrilled with how this plays out.

I regret in my last post I used the word slut! Note, if you read the post, I was not suggesting sharing a brain injury made people have loose morals or ethics. I regret using this term. I also dislike the fact that a ‘Player’, usually a reference towards loose men as being something to celebrate and receive a pat on the back for perceived conquests and all the terms for a woman that may choose to live a similar lifestyle is ugly and offensive.

From Wikepedia – SlutWalk – Wikipedia Please read the whole article, before commenting.

SlutWalk is a transnational movement^[1] calling for an end to rape culture, including victim blaming and slut shaming of sexual assault victims.^[2] Specifically, participants protest against explaining or excusing rape by referring to any aspect of a woman’s appearance.^[3] The rallies began on April 3, 2011,^[4] in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, after a Toronto Police officer suggested that “women should avoid dressing like sluts”^[5][6] as a precaution against sexual assault. Subsequent rallies have occurred globally.^[7]

The protest takes the form of a march, mainly by young women, where some dress in clothes considered to be “slutty” such as short skirts, stockings and scanty tops. In the various Slutwalks around the world, there are usually speaker meetings and workshops, live music, sign-making sessions, leafleting, open microphones, chanting, dances, martial arts, and receptions or after-parties with refreshments.^[1][8] In many of the rallies and online, women speak publicly for the first time about their identity as rape survivors.^[9][10] The movement’s ideology has been questioned and its methodology criticized by some.

From the Washington Post – SlutWalks and the future of feminism – The Washington Post

While I choose to be single and celibate, as I have done most of my adult life since I was a young adult, when I wasn’t in a relationship. I have had a friend who chose a very different lifestyle. I never judged her and loved to have our catch-up brunches to hear all about them. So, I apologise if anyone was offended and I ask you read the rest of that particular post so you get the context of personalities living with brain injury and how I think I’ve developed my personality in spite of and around my brain injury.

Now, the fall-out to me not doing what I was asked to do (edit offensive words from my previous post) apparently could result in my blog link being removed from the website of the Not for Profit I’ve given my time to as explained above. You have no idea how much I had to negotiate to make that happen in the first place.

But if you know me? You know I don’t give in to such demands. It is MY BLOG after all and later this year I again need the support to remain a voting member on the board to help create change and support worthy projects, etc. and if I don’t get that maybe it’s my time to move on? Maybe I get a little selfish for a while, get it in my community more? Go do coffees and write. I have neglected my writing lately.

I do not know if people realise how busy I really am. But I DONT GOT TIME TO GO OVER SCORCHED EARTH! I’m not doing everything twice!

So lastly, I hope this explains some of the things and settles and calms any ruffled feathers from my previous post. Who knew right? And if you understand, empathise or appreciate what I’m trying to do? Please comment or hit Like!