Spitting Chips

Published August 11, 2025 by helentastic67

Spitting Chips

Now, this post should come with a warning, there will be swearing or alluding to words I normally will not so much as utter, but I feel you will allow considering the circumstances.

There was one particular Monday, I went down to fang it to a 12.30pm appointment. I had another appointment at the same practice, so Hellonwheels comes in handy. Even allowing me to scoop up take-away on my way home and maybe some items from a supermarket. Fresh milk anyone?

I went into the garage and had two sets of keys in my hand as well as my walking stick and the flag for my scooter. I keep the flag inside as it’s not my first flag. If it’s a selfish person or a low hanging branch they seem to walk.

I walked in the direction of my scooter and looked up, my step slowed when I realised it was not where I expected it to be. The transformer cords dangling loose out of the EV cabinet. Eyes wild, I couldn’t decide if I leave the flag where I expected to find my scooter.

But time was short, I only had 20 minutes until my first appointment, I couldn’t afford to reschedule. I had to get to both that day.

Mother trucker!

What kind of LOW LIFE Scumbag steals a Mobility Scooter? I’m still months later yet to cry. What’s the point? Too angry! One-handed without pockets I was juggling two sets of keys, my walking stick and the flag. Don’t even know why I was still holding on to that.

All while calling my lovely Young John. No time to talk. Was he free? Could he help me get to my appointment? Use the key to get from the carpark into the foyer and then the lift.

Next call to who Young John would refer to as my Indian boyfriend. Basically, any other taxi driver I call to be my transport.

I had to problem solve getting to my appointments. Unlock my front door after going up in the lift. Put flag and scooter keys inside. Back downstairs and out to the street. Get in taxi. Call Owner Corp regarding CCTV Footage. That process alone should have been easier. Made it to my appointment only fifteen minutes late. So grumpy, I did not manage to sleep at my physio appointment. So angry I was.

It’s Still a Win Right?

Published July 21, 2025 by helentastic67

It’s Still a Win – Right

You know those days, this is literally how my Monday went. I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.

Went to bed early, 12.30am, that’s early for me, trust me. Still awake until 5am, but I had an early start plus a full morning planned. First mission, fucking disaster.

Carer arrives at 8am, even my cat is listed off and confused. She knows when I should write off the day and go back to bed, but I had a specialist appointment that is every three months. On a Monday, at 11.30am, because it’s the last appointment for this clinic on the day.

This is often a Team Helen mission. Mondays I have a carer called Helen; she’s a Heavy Hitter! (I’ll circle back to that later!) We taxi to save parking dramas or me going in without her. Her agency also hits me hard for kilometres in my carer’s car. (ie. they hit me for it instead of my funding.) and the carer always is worse off. I digress, taxi to appointment, I inhaled my entirety of pills before I left and pack something to eat on the way. Learnt from the driver that burnt toast smell I always catch on the way is a coffee roaster. No, I’m not having a stroke. (Apparently, that smells like burning car tyres?)

Arrive safely and early. Hear a Code Grey while we wait this triggers a Google search of the different codes that are used in a hospital. My carer is on my left and that is my worst blind spot. I regal her it’s a story of a visit to hospital over ten years ago when a code was called for me when I’d tried to get a sleeping pill at 1am when they kept putting me off. “Just close your eyes and you will go to sleep!” I was told, like I’m a four-year-old child not a forty-year-old woman who never slept at the correct time. Anyway, started to feel a little seedy while we waited. Helen asking if I was OK, did I want a drink?
You know when you just want to power down and not be present? Started to feel sick. Suggested Helen should move to my right side. We had discussed it, but we went with it anyway. So, I threw up. (Just saliva! Not my breakfast even but worth noting!) and peed my pants. Honestly! This has never happened before in public.

I used the bathroom and when I returned Helen mentioned the Doctor had asked if I was still OK for my appointment? Like, I didn’t come all this way to throw up in the waiting room and not get Botox in my leg? It’s also usually these times my carer comments on how pale I look and after throwing up how much “better” I look. I am generally sun-averse anyway, but “pale” is normally fine by me.

My recent visits for Laser hair removal start with the question “Have you had any sun?” And my witty response. “Not if I can help it?” Anyway, asked for something to put on my seat on the way home. This was granted and off we departed for home. She asked me if I was OK, and I reminded her if I wasn’t I’d come to the right place. It was a hospital after all. Mission to get home, half showered and into clean clothes and back to bed my only goal for the rest of the day.

My lovely carer departs and I manage to sleep for two hours. Wake in time for an appointment with someone that thinks my appointment is on Thursday. Don’t know why this keeps happening, but it’s about the only thing I can read in my diary. Lazy standard rest of the day. Prepare the next week of pills, while standing in the kitchen. Feed Mika, eat standing up to better utilise time. Hope the Botox doesn’t kick in while I’m moving around my home. My leg will give out mid-step. Botox in my leg doesn’t make it look younger, just work better.

Botox puts over worked muscles to sleep for a few months, so other lazy muscles have a chance to build and take an even balance when the Botox wears off. This is to manage my drop foot and hyper extending knee so, I don’t need a knee replacement one day and I move and walk better. Who knew right? So, that was my Monday. Am I done yet?

Gaslighting

Published April 22, 2024 by helentastic67

Gaslighting

Before recent years I never even knew what gaslighting was, I never saw the film, I did a few years ago go to see the Julia Roberts miniseries Gaslit. That was awful. But that’s the point.

So, it’s sometimes subtle, my appointments are moved or rescheduled without telling me or negotiations, emails sent very late in the day so the sender can put off my response and therefore their action or even how they contact me knowing perfectly well I have both a mobile number and a landline and when it’s best to use either and on a rare occasion I might be on email during the day and I can tell they are surprised when I respond in a timely manner.

I’m often doing my emails around midnight because that’s when I get all my other chores done and can sit with my iPad and give emails the time they require. So, a time lag is pretty common.

Living with Migraines

Published July 3, 2023 by helentastic67

Living with Migraines

Sometimes, I will arrive at an appointment and announce when asked how I am that “I’ve had a migraine”. Because generally I’m a walking/talking migraine most days but, occasionally I get lucky and I can’t do adulting. No phone, no TV, no sitting on the couch even. Instead, I’m in bed before 10pm, somewhat high on Tramadol. Not “High” enough but it’s hopefully going to help me get to sleep so I can sleep it off and the following day maybe it’s gone.

Anyway, this happened Tuesday, my first appointment out of my home and what answer do you think I got? No, all of those options did not happen. Instead, I was greeted with “Its going around everyone’s got it. Migraine! I had a migraine last night!” Um, I don’t know about anyone else who has ever had a migraine but, NOT CONTAGIOUS!

If I could have been out with my worst migraine to date, I’ve yet to write about when I was 23 and barely responsive and could have shared the wealth on that one to ease the load. I would have shared it. I’m not exaggerating when I say I WANTED TO DIE!

So, to say the least, not helpful when people say the above when you are hungover from a migraine. Even though it didn’t wipe me out completely, I was still hungover mid-week. Do people understand why I was never a drinker?

To be continued………

Hot off the Press – 22nd May 2023

Published May 22, 2023 by helentastic67

Hot off the Press

OK, I guess another Hot Off the Press is required and today it comes as a form of confession. Not that I thought I was invincible for having avoided catching the Plague. You should be familiar with my term for Covid 19? Yes, that’s the one. Or my predilection for referring to the RAT as a Pregnancy test, by that it looks a lot like an actual Pregnancy Test. Again, not that I’ve ever done one of those.

Alas, I almost made it to May 10, 2023, so close. Alas, I tested “Pregnant!” on a Wednesday morning and we had to cancel rather a few appointments. Including reluctantly my early chiropractor’s appointment. To my further annoyance because it felt like every rib was not where they should be. But, alas, I couldn’t live with myself should I pass it onto anybody else let alone someone more at risk than myself.

I have had all five vaccines for the Plague and every single one came with issues to book, be eligible, get transport to and from and originally to have access to the appropriate vaccine my GP had insisted I have and only that particular vaccine. Originally it was only the Astra Zenica (or the AZ!) I was told from day dot to only get the Pffizer. (Or a Fizzer! As I called it) I was too YOUNG to qualify originally.

Overall, my experience of the actual Plague, I’m not really complaining. Remember in the early days of Covid? Yeah, lots of those people are not here to tell the tale. So, my mild cold-like-symptoms, I was fine. I hunkered down and settled into isolation. Took more juice and echinacea than I’ve had for a while but after the initial cancelling of all my appointments, only one carer chose not to risk coming. I had two days that week without carers. One of my two agencies could not cover a shift and then the Friday, same issue and my Girl Friday couldn’t risk it. I didn’t panic and test every day like many people like to do. The mandates at the time were to isolate five days. My next appointment was the following Tuesday and thankfully I tested negative and I was able to get to podiatry. Thankful as I had toenails like dragon claws. My podiatrist sees far worse, but I have my own standards. I also would have been fine to stay at home a few more days.

I’ve been dealing with a very annoying wheeze and that’s it. Plenty of Ventolin and my chiropractor giving my lungs a good pounding last Wednesday. I’ve been doing nothing but catch up ever since.

Remember those early days of the vaccine when people were being encouraged to get out and catch COVID’s? Don’t know about elsewhere but the media had it obvious they were to encourage everyone to go out and get it. And if they hadn’t had it, they needed to get out there and get amongst it. Ok, the younger people were being told/shamed for not getting out and being sociable. I guess the government was after Herd Immunity and then on the other hand, I had a new carer last week that had had the Plague 7 times! 7! That’s 6 times too many, right?

You may ask how I got the Plague? I think it was the last comedy show I was at. It was the Daniel Sloss gig at a Convention Centre where I was among 5,500 people. My friend didn’t get it. No idea how. He was sitting right beside me and drove us there and home again. I am just happy he didn’t get it. I have my last comedy show this week, the Melbourne International Comedy show has finished but I’ll tell you about my last comedy event in next week’s post to be sure.

Magnificent

Published October 4, 2021 by helentastic67

Magnificent

I have to say, today was magnificent! Wait!

I went to my first of two appointments today in Heidelberg. I have made it a habit to walk to a local take-away shop to pick up a vegetable pide and I book a taxi from there to scoop me up and get me home.

Today none of my regular taxi drivers could fit me in so, I rang for one. What’s the damn address? I get to tell my regular guys simply ‘the take away place’ and they manage to get a park across the street or call me to tell me they are around the corner. I waited.

I noted there were no free parking spaces for a taxi to pull in. It’s a very busy shopping strip where traffic is non-stop. Car spaces open up and are taken again very quickly. Some spaces become available. I message to see where my taxi was and had the option to speak to my driver that had accepted my booking. I spoke to him and told him I would step into an empty carpark and he could pull in.

I stepped into the back of three empty car spots, in a row of cars, a car went to back into where I was. I shook my head and moved towards the passenger window. I briefly explained my dilemma.

“Taxi coming to pick me up. He would need to pull in.”

This was fine. He pulled into the middle carpark and as he was getting out of the driver’s side (on the roadside not curb-side), another car also considered parking where I was standing. I stood firm. I looked through the car’s rear window. I could not make eye contact. I should point out; I should be wearing a face mask as Covid is a thing.

I stood firm, other cars were lined up wondering what was happening. I looked to the driver trying to steal my car spot. He was driving a vintage gold Merc.

Say it with me now, three things wrong with that sentence. Ok, two. Vintage is ok.

I realized the driver was an older (he was old!) Greek man, I shook my head, “no!” at him. I pointed to the Audi in the road, waiting for this situation to be resolved. I did my default stone face. “I’m not giving in!” and shook my head again. I asked the man who had parked by now if he could tell the old Greek man why I was not moving. He explained to me that he could not see me.

How could he not? I am dressed in the standard uniform that is Melbourne. BLACK & BLACK & BLACK, TODAY. It’s cold, the end of summer but finally we have some blue sky.

Quite frankly, just happy it’s not 40 degrees in the shade as it was a week ago, because I could not wear black.

So, where was I?

The Greek man in his vintage gold Merc drove away. I had indicated again to the Audi waiting for traffic to be resolved and traffic continued to move. The man and his wife got out of their car that they had picked and the husband told me the old Greek man had been none too pleased. I smiled and said I had noticed he was rather grumpy.

My taxi driver pulled in and I unloaded all my handful of yeah, bag, walking stick and things. And the day went on.

There are many times I stand my ground as a not young, hot and sexy something-something woman but I will always stand up to people like my disability didn’t happen because there are certain things I don’t stand for.

I am magnificent!

Hot off the Press – 1st January 2018

Published January 1, 2018 by helentastic67

Hot off the Press 0101

Hot off the Press

Happy New Year everyone!

Because, despite all the posts and such of well wishes for the New Year for about the last week, causing me to think the last day of 2017 was Saturday night! It wasn’t, it was last night, Sunday night and it made no difference to me whatsoever I still failed to make it to midnight without a kip!

So, that leads me to my plans for Hot off the Press in 2018! A few of you comment that my life is busy and because I write a few lines of those posts every night, it does seem that way, so to explain. Each week is all about appointments that keep me independent, healthy, physically, mentally and reasonably well adjusted. That said, the year flies by when you see the chiropractor every week. Sometimes twice, hence the well-adjusted comment. I see my acupuncturist every week also. I could do Osteo and Milo/remedial every week, if I can get it. My GP, I see monthly, and he and I share case-managing of all my medical care. Then, enter my shrink (yes, yes, psychologist!) once a month. And then there are the 1-3 weekly appointments to do my nails. My fingernails I could get done weekly, my toenails every three weeks and because the public local community health is so painful and inefficient and inadequate I think I’ll be paying my beautician rather than deal with the public system any longer. It might be a worthy expense if it saves my mental health in any way. My beautician is close to my other services and has agreed to do what I need for a reduced fee. I might even pay for an occasional pedicure.

Appointments

While this sounds like very first world problems, my only exercise is walking and no one is looking after my feet except me. Wearing only one pair of shoes that lasted four years, every day has failed to help either. I still need a second pair and The NDIA (National Disability Insurance Agency) who manage the Scheme, have yet to press the button to allow me to use my funding. Who knew a government such as ours in Australia would score points and pat themselves on the head for helping (sorry, claiming to help) people with disabilities, yet they make it impossible to access the funding that is supposed to be there for me to better my situation. Again, hating feeling like a commodity.

Shoes

So, going forward, I’m wanting to free up time in my life so it’s not so stuck in survival mode and perhaps step back from the fighting to survive and attempt to have more good things? Even if I park myself in another cafe closer to home, write posts or read comics and this will get me out in the community and not so secluded at home. I will try to do this another day other than Wednesday, however while I won’t post on it that day, I might add those pictures to my standard Wednesday post. I will continue to comment, reply to comments, follow and offer any positive support I can to other bloggers who might be struggling more than I am. It’s how I can reach out and touch people in this community I have come to love being part of. You can always feel free to email me at hfantastique@gmail.com.au

Lunch

Also, moving forward I’m going to have Monday’s, Hot off the Press posts are going to be suspended and bring you some of my older articles that have been waiting to be posted, these normally only go live on a Friday. Those are my well, thought out posts on anything and everything. I might even get around to writing the post that explains the whole reason why I blog. I might even rush it and jump the queue.

New direction

Lately I haven’t been terribly inspired to write these posts as I’ve been busy with the day to day and not inspired to write when there is already a huge backlog of those carefully written posts. I often sit and smash out four or more posts at once when I’m in the mood and that leads me to get to the other things I keep putting off writing about. So, here’s hoping you have stuck with me through this post and feel free to hit the Like button and comment. I do like to know how people came to misunderstand my appreciation of the Like button. I might need to adjust my description in my About page? I definitely need the validation just like everybody else.
Cheers,
H

Inspiration

Hot off the Press – 9th October 2017

Published October 9, 2017 by helentastic67

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Hot off the Press

It’s going to be a crazy week. I can always tell.
Monday, went to the DAC (Disability Advisory Committee) where I spruik myself as a community member/blogger/Girl about town!

DAC

Got to see Young John on the way there and back. He’s still sick but he’s sounding somewhat better.
Ended the day, with an hour-long call from me Ma (not me-maw) going over some admin to make having new carers in my home easier.

Tuesday plans went sideways immediately when my lovely massage was cancelled. So, I moved my GP appointment and the pastry order I made at my fav cafe was cancelled also. I had been hoping to post an extra post this week, to showcase what you should buy when going to a real patisserie. Of yummy goodness. It shall have to wait.

Cancelled appt

Have noticed a few neighbourhood cats have been coming up the front steps and loitering on the front lawn. I haven’t ever been able to go near them (one is old and blind, I’m told by a neighbour) but I never encouraged them when I had Jamima. But today I lost a pen! I know, doesn’t sound significant and it’s not expensive however, having had a cat I was in a habit of always putting something on top of whatever pen I was using. It’s a habit I’ve made sure not to break so when I have my next cat I don’t need to retrain myself of non-cat household habits. So, I’m wondering if Jamima can be blamed for my pen going missing? A friend told me I couldn’t blame her, but can’t I? Maybe these other cats and my pen being stolen from my bed is Jamima visiting and sending the clear message it’s time for a new fur-baby?

Visits

Wednesday, if you read my Foodie good mental health day post? You know, I was such a zombie I needed 2 lattes’. Medicine that is. Robert the owner even stopped by to chat briefly. He is gearing up for Spring Carnival and Christmas.

Wednesday

Saw my Chiro who has been banned from using her elbows in my glutes! It has been known to have her hand slapped away. Today was one of those days. She exclaimed she wanted to help my lower back I pending disc bulge 2.0 issue. I suggested she help it and not try to cure it. Laughter all round. God help me! (In a non-religious way)

Chiro

Dropped in on Sinny where I buy cards and such and as he is closing down soon so I picked up some leather gloves for next winter. While negotiating, I queried how much they were? ($45) And how much they were now? ($32) I stated “Deal!” Then humorously after explaining I can only wear one of them (my left hand gets very cold but I don’t want to try to get a glove on it! So, I told him I only needed the right one? How much for just one? ($32) but he would throw in the other one, I told him I just needed to find someone who needed the left glove? I really will miss him. I once had my mosaic bordered mirrors for sale in his shop and many a gift I have purchased there.

Gloves

Had a great visit with Bella, she left her fur all over the legs of my pants.. Not complaining. Got to acupuncture late but was given the VIP room. So, made some calls. Guilty, not what you should do with 8 acupuncture needles in you.

Thursday! Got to have my massage that I didn’t get Tuesday. Making me a very happy girl. I was so organised I managed to get up and have breakfast before Caroline or even my carer arrived. Caroline was very impressed. Quiet day at home and caught up on calls. Afternoon kip and even managed to get dressed without help. Try putting a bra on one-handed! Not fun. Bra

But dressed I was when my normal Friday carer arrived and we headed to ‘scray’ (short for Footscray) to an exhibition opening.

Thursday
My friend Larissa, who does much for advocacy in ABI and disability is a very talented artist. She does Handstands and does post ups. (She featured at the Arts Centre recently as mentioned in a previous Hot……..) and she does amazing Lino prints. Which I love.
Here are some photos.

Handstand Handstand 1

Don’t mind my hair, it’s at its worst by Thursday late and I do look like I’ve been dragged through s hedge backwards……certainly how it feels.
Here are some photos of some of the other pieces that caught my eye.

Artwork

Friday morning learnt a valuable lesson!
Remember that statement I would attempt to get to bed earlier? Achievable outcome? 1am! Yeah, turns out my standard 2am bedtime is more accurately achievable and I have even been coping. But, as I was out last night at the exhibition opening I got home around 9, ate dinner then did my usual catch-up-on admin/TV/emails, etc. and didn’t get to bed until 2.30! Disaster………..woke up like a zombie today!

Friday

Will binge some BBT (Big Bang Theory) to avoid a kip before going shopping. It is now (roughly) the end of Friday, officially Saturday. The dishwasher is now on a third time. It is only a single draw bench top dishwasher. Made some yummy things with my carer, have bagged and tagged for the freezer, to go to Sydney next week.

The weekend! Super lazy. Great weather for getting washing done. No Chinese laundry amazing. Still no single girl date night movie. Have still been binging and catching up on TV. Currently, watching season 2 of the Australian show Glitch and the other is called the Wrong Girl. Both thanks to my Toppy. (Topfield)

Wrong girl

Saturday. Night and I finally succeeded getting to bed by my self-imposed bedtime 1am, I mean I was still awake at 3am but still Winning!

Back during my club days, had I ever left a club that early my friends would have asked if I was ok? I know, still gotta write about my club days, otherwise referred to as my 20’s and the 90’s for everyone else. I will get there.

Clubbing

Some more comics moved around my home, not as many as last week but nothing to sneeze at.
Might get back into house hunting this week, if only it were that easy. It is only really when I stumble across a property that fits my requirements. Space versus value. Wish me luck.

Cheers,
H

New week