To Whom it May Concern

Published March 9, 2026 by helentastic67

To whom it may concern?

Once a week on a Sunday I have a lovely carer that is the sweetest lady. To be fair, most days my carers will ask how my week went/how my forthcoming week will be? And all my carers are lovely but specifically on Sundays. I tell her I can’t even remember. It’s this process, it comes flooding back. Monday, I had Botox for FREE. Because I had it in my leg, which doesn’t look younger. I had an inspection of the waterproofing on my balcony.

Tuesday, I saw the vampire, officially a phlebotomist for an upcoming appointment. I saw Young John twice to get me there and home again. I once would have just fanged it there on my scooter. But I digress, I went home, inhaled brunch, then out again for a massage.

Home again, smashed out a pasta bake one-handed. Managed to get it in the oven one-handed and sent an S.O.S. in the community chat to help me get it out again. Win! Sent some to a neighbours.

Wednesday, standard midday appointment, was not late. Coffees from favourite café, lunch to go, visit to bank to order new handy card, FFS!

A zoom that I missed with my car team, I received notes later. I have a new Support Coordinator she’s a gun. She’s already got help from her lawyer friends quoting the disability discrimination Act on the whole scooter and storage cage issue.

Thursday, had meeting in my car space with my overqualified handyman and my new OT, asked the most taped in community board member on the OC board to discuss the storage solution for a new scooter. This is actually starting to get some traction.

Apparently, apart from all the safety concerns of a mobility scooter catching fire in the communal space that is the garage. The who’s paying for the power on my scooter topic? Which has been discussed to death in a million ways. Apparently, the committee is largely concerned about the cage being UGLY – UM, can we go with secure and practical to give me back some independence? Then we’ll sort the not ugly. Apparently, the board is much more motivated to assist now the disability discrimination has been mentioned. I will still need to get a plan of the proposed storage cage past the committee, then have my S.C. (Support Coordinator) to lodge a “Change of circumstances” review request to the NDIA including the police report the OT started in 2025 with that was paid to do a job she only half did, did not do.

Friday, standard hunter/gathering day. Robbed everywhere I went, came home, put everything away, smashed out two blonde entre pizza’s, blond being the term for no red sauce. Then walked the short distance with a neighbour to a local bar for a shoe gaze night. Had chips and gravy, delicious. Home by 10pm. Finish chores, admin, bed around 2am.

Friday also received feedback from one place I frequent on my Anzac cookies that are next levelled twice. He thought his “Mate Helen” had shared them with him. I don’t know him well enough to be considered “mate!” had I been in the game right I could have created the side-hustle, I really need to provide 300 cookies for an event. I dropped the ball. Boo.

Saturday, with an assist from my carer, smashed out the steak and salad I normally have every Friday night, ate it Saturday night for dinner. Anyone wonder why I like to go off grid on the weekend?

Some wins and loses this week. To be sure, I now still need to do more waterproofing on my balcony. Also, I need to take my previous water proofers to VCAT since they did not solve the issue yet charged me $$$$$!

Right now, it’s Sunday night of a long weekend. Is anyone imagining a calmer week for Hellonwheels?

Not to mention, I need to rebuild a social profile on a tiny social platform. You know the one? That is a post for another day.

I also managed to put a giant band aid this week on the bullet wound that was all the nights I had tickets for comedy shows, I did not have a plus one, also a separate upcoming post. P.S. Love my comedy/concert friend from Ringworm.

Slap of Wisdom

Published February 9, 2026 by helentastic67

Slap of Wisdom

If you had any superpower, what would it be?

I always wanted mine to be the slap of wisdom, I go to stupid people – slap them (think DiNozzo from NCIS, the character played by Michael Weatherly) and instantly “oh yeah I get it now” I naturally think my superpower is bluntness.

I got on a tram today and asked a woman to give me her seat. I’m always careful as you can’t always tell if they have a disability. The woman instantly misunderstood and presumed it as her job to swiftly direct me to another seat down the tram. While the seat she was diverting me to wasn’t far but faced the wrong way. I would have had motion sickness in minutes. I also would have struggled to getup, stay up and negotiate my way back to a door when it was time to get off. All the while – A) not having my bag possibly fall of my shoulder creating a further trip hazard, B) not falling over and breaking every bone in my body. Luckily a woman that got on in front of me politely told the women she could go to that seat (not me). And then she sat next to me (Also, taking up an accessible seat) to support me where she felt the need to explain why that woman should not ever have been sitting there. I shrugged, told her I agree and let it go, because this is what it’s like every day advocacy it never ends.

SHOES

Went to see a shoe guy in the city today. I was already in the city and had to go from there to another area that required my ability to navigate around the city. I have not frequently visited since 1992 to 1993 (not kidding) and I knew I could walk but be hot and knackered by the time I got there, or I could navigate to a short tram ride before walking and maybe get there late. In the end, I took a tram two stops, then walked two blocks. I wasn’t 100%, certain exactly where he was since he was set up on the ground floor of a big car park. Shoe fetish.

Problem Solving

Published November 10, 2025 by helentastic67

Problem Solving

I’ve been trying to solve a problem in my new home since moving in last November. It’s such a mess.

There are so many moving parts and potential solutions but more people to ask permission from before implementing solutions to the problem. So, the work around feels like a real fuck around.

Sometimes, I wish a clairvoyant or divine entity would just point you in a direction and narrow the field for you.

Here’s a real estate example which has been the perfect example whenever I’ve been on the hunt for a new home. I gave this example to a friend earlier:

If you wanted to only live in Ivanhoe and you had a set budget, and you wanted a certain number of bedrooms, bathrooms, car spaces, etc, etc. And if you couldn’t budge on any of those parameters. Maybe money wasn’t a limiting factor and you absolutely had to live in Ivanhoe; you would spend what you needed to spend.

If budget was important you would start to compromise on different things depending on what you could live with. Maybe less bedrooms, or whatever, but eventually you didn’t even live in Ivanhoe.

Maybe a clairvoyant could point you in the right direction and suggest Ivanhoe. Yes! But start looking for something a little smaller, or …..xyz. Then you wouldn’t waste your time trying to find all these other solutions.

Just an FYI, I didn’t have Ivanhoe money so I’m just giving that as an example. People that live in Ivanhoe have Ivanhoe money. You can’t hate them. You just appreciate them.

This is one of the major things on my list I’ve been chipping away at and made all the worse by a “friend?” suggesting I needed to get on my issues, like I was being lazy? Who needs enemies when you have friends like this?

So, the problem? I feel a part two coming on

I’ve had my mobility scooter AKA Hellonwheels for the last 15+ years and every time I’ve moved, I’ve had varying degrees of storage and weather proofing, security, etc in storing my Hellonwheels.

Some places I’ve lived at were easier than others for scooter storage alone. One house I rented didn’t have room to put my shed up for the scooter, so I ended up putting a BBQ cover over the scooter in the backyard close to a power supply and using locker straps around the cover to secure the cover and waterproof my scooter. It was a fuck around solution.

At my last rented home, an apartment, my car space didn’t have power so I was able to swap with a neighbour so I could erect my shed, park my scooter inside and charge it. I also stored my gardening supplies, and at one point my oversupply of pasta and tinned tomatoes, and my panettone.

I am such a Nonna!

My landlord queried what I was storing in my shed and I suggest Owner Corp and landlords do not have a sense of humour. Don’t say what I did? I responded to their original query that I wasn’t cooking meth or anything. My shed wasn’t big enough for that and I ended up using the lights on the front of my scooter to illuminate the inside of the shed to show them the contents. Seriously!

And while I was living there, I could go in and out of the only entrance to the garage on my scooter, I could go straight into my shed or go up on my scooter in the lift without causing damage. Parking near my apartment door and transferring items gathered into my apartment one item at a time before returning my scooter down to the shed to store and recharge. When I had more to take up and less time, I’d unpack items into a market trolley I stored in my shed and take that up.

Every pedestrian entrance to that complex had zero access for a scooter, and therefore no access for a wheelchair, except the B1 level or the carpark, just to give you a bigger picture.

Good thing I only have used my scooter for solo shopping missions locally as well as prompt local appointments where I get to maintain a level of independence.

So, when I moved to my forever home, the real estate agent showed me the apartment. My car space, the lift, the direction of the closest power supply to my car space and basically gave advice on both my disability and access to things he had no working knowledge on and directed everything to be sorted by the owner Corp when the time came.

I don’t know if anyone else has had to deal with an owner Corp, or had to solve problems of access for someone with a disability? And under the NDIS I have people for that right?

I prompted my support co-ordinator if she could get on that and sort things so when I moved, I wouldn’t lose my independence around needing my mobility scooter. After multiple prompts I was provided with a company name and the comment that they were expensive.

You might imagine the title of that person, being a Support Co-ordinator would mean they um, Support and Coordinate?

But it often means THEY DO NEITHER OF THOSE TWO THINGS!

So…

New Hellonwheels

Published September 1, 2025 by helentastic67

New Hellonwheels

Have I mentioned I’m getting a new Hellonwheels this year? I know I haven’t. I’ve been too busy sorting the permanent housing or garaging and powering location for it in a communal garage.

To be fair, I had asked my support coordinator before I moved back in November 2024 if she could help sort these things before I moved so I would not be without the use of my scooter. The best time of year to be out and about on my scooter is summer. I literally had to pester my support coordinator to assist me with this task. In the end she did neither of those things. Support or coordinate.

I received a text with a company name who helped with this issue and the comment that they were expensive. I have never been angrier. Or so I thought.

At my previous address and all previous addresses over the last 15 years, I had been storing my scooter in a shed that had been funded for me by my first OT and over time it was a method of great importance and security to maintaining some independence for allowing me to get to local appointments without the assistance of carers or doing some hunter/gathering solo, to get ahead of when I did have carers for limited times.

When I moved, I concentrated on the things inside my new home. I don’t know if you have ever moved one-handed, but I’m limited by weight and size. For something without ADHD when I move homes I find I am always moving around, moving things from one location to another until everything settles to where I can best store, access or use it one-handed. Somethings only I can put away as I need to be able to get it out again if nobody else is around. Somethings that worked in my previous home may not work here.

I lagged in storing my belongings in my storage cage because I had to wait for my handyman to bring bolt cutters. I wanted to have him cover the inside with black plastic. to keep prying eyes from my belongings, my gardening supplies and my boxes of bits. Don’t need to explain that I hope. I was not allowed to erect my shed in my car space because its height got in the way of the sprinkler system and storing my scooter there was redundant as there was no power supply I could access and all the other fucking things.

I had been so busy sorting inside my home, I had implemented the theory of Schrodingers Cat to the belongings in my car space.

My neighbour who has the car-space beside me informed me my belongings had been rummaged through. When I checked I found a transformer for my scooter had been stolen. What the actual F. Do I need to finish this sentence?

At least this meant I poked my handyman to sort out the things by stopping ‘Mr get these things away’ And then…

Spitting Chips

Published August 11, 2025 by helentastic67

Spitting Chips

Now, this post should come with a warning, there will be swearing or alluding to words I normally will not so much as utter, but I feel you will allow considering the circumstances.

There was one particular Monday, I went down to fang it to a 12.30pm appointment. I had another appointment at the same practice, so Hellonwheels comes in handy. Even allowing me to scoop up take-away on my way home and maybe some items from a supermarket. Fresh milk anyone?

I went into the garage and had two sets of keys in my hand as well as my walking stick and the flag for my scooter. I keep the flag inside as it’s not my first flag. If it’s a selfish person or a low hanging branch they seem to walk.

I walked in the direction of my scooter and looked up, my step slowed when I realised it was not where I expected it to be. The transformer cords dangling loose out of the EV cabinet. Eyes wild, I couldn’t decide if I leave the flag where I expected to find my scooter.

But time was short, I only had 20 minutes until my first appointment, I couldn’t afford to reschedule. I had to get to both that day.

Mother trucker!

What kind of LOW LIFE Scumbag steals a Mobility Scooter? I’m still months later yet to cry. What’s the point? Too angry! One-handed without pockets I was juggling two sets of keys, my walking stick and the flag. Don’t even know why I was still holding on to that.

All while calling my lovely Young John. No time to talk. Was he free? Could he help me get to my appointment? Use the key to get from the carpark into the foyer and then the lift.

Next call to who Young John would refer to as my Indian boyfriend. Basically, any other taxi driver I call to be my transport.

I had to problem solve getting to my appointments. Unlock my front door after going up in the lift. Put flag and scooter keys inside. Back downstairs and out to the street. Get in taxi. Call Owner Corp regarding CCTV Footage. That process alone should have been easier. Made it to my appointment only fifteen minutes late. So grumpy, I did not manage to sleep at my physio appointment. So angry I was.

Angry

Published June 15, 2025 by helentastic67

Angry

I have recently self-diagnosed well, myself with a new medical condition. It’s called being ANGRY. I suggested this via text to my GP who replied, “Not so recent!” and a recommendation to “Chill” never have words had the desired effect rather than a red flag to a bull. However, I gave him a “Hahaha!”

Every now and again I reach a level of intolerance to people just wasting my time. Not my GP, he’s always part of the solution. Not part of the problem. But then there’s everyone else.

For example, my tram route in Melbourne still does not have accessible platforms throughout. I think my route is only one of two. Ours is the longest tram route in Melbourne. There is no excuse! I mentioned it should be an agenda item at a local council meeting and was informed by someone new that it had been discussed at a previous meeting back in 1924. I just made up that date to be fair and its pre-dates the meeting it was discussed at.

And you know unlike that new council member I both attended that meeting and can look out my balcony to tell you there are still No accessible tram stops throughout, nor even the area they had promised to be achieved by late 2024. (That date is accurate! FYI!) The proof is in the pudding that it’s still not done.

I think this is part of the problem of why I hate email so very much. They just go back and forth not making me feel like much is achieved. Just people pushing responsibilities onto someone else, because people don’t want to do their job, or don’t know how to do something that’s been asked of them, so deflecting and avoiding a learning experience.

Also, to my great annoyance is when I must educate people on what should be included on an invoice. What the actual fuck people.

I’ve been project managing a little something lately that has been doing my head in. To be continued…

Sh*t Experience at the Melbourne Internation Comedy Festival

Published April 15, 2025 by helentastic67

Shit toilet experiences at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival

In general, this topic would live outside that of the festival, but it could definitely be its own blog. Frustratingly, these experiences are far from rare. I’m part way through my festival events for this year despite my lack of time to write and post about it but at times you have to, live when the opportunities exist, write, recuperate and replenish spoons over the hibernation of winter months to come.

Last night I saw two comedy shows very carefully booked, curated and logistically arranged by my event booking genius carer who is one of my heavy hitter admin chicks.

My first show was at the Arts Centre to see Danny Bhoy. I saw him the last time he was here as after my father’s passing back in late 2022, I decided the comedians I always wanted to see I would just start doing it.

Since making that decision, I’ve prioritised not only Danny Buoy, but Kitty Flanagan. Nath Valvo and Ivan Aristeguieta. To name a few and my accessible toileting experiences are always super not fun.

The Arts Centre despite the beautiful venue, the helpful staff, the frosted glass doors to the accessible toilet on the third floor closest to the ticket booking office, I locked the door, checked it. Locked it again, checked it, again. Ah, success.

Removed my cuff and collar, my bag, walking stick, and hoodi top. I know, over sharing and obviously my pants, to use the facilities, to do what I was there to for. I heard an older lady’s voice! “Here! Come in here!” and the door opened. Like I had not locked it. Now, I had hung my bag on the door handle which would not interfere with the lock, I might have thought could be seen through the frosting. Should someone bother to look. At least I was not mid-poo or mid-wipe. I had just managed to get a few single ply tissue squares from the selfish T.P. Dispenser. More importantly, the door remained open in this awkward unnecessary social INTERACTION.

It’s odd that the elderly love to imagine the accessible toilets are their domain and only theirs. I think they see me on their throne as a young person. Thank you! And not in need to use these toilets. I actually had to ask her to close the door with a polite “Do you mind?” It was more than she deserved considering the length of time she stood staring at me unsure how to solve this social quagmire.

I guess I should follow up this incident with an email to the venue, or just forward them this post when it goes live.

After this show, a short walk, a tram for two stops and another short walk to our next destination a toilet stop, this toilet had an ambulance toilet although I didn’t realise until I was ready to depart. I had used the lady’s facilities this time as I can often do and will. If that porcelain had been any lower to the floor, I might not have made it up again.

The second comedy show this time at the Melbourne Town Hall. To see our very own Ivan Aristeguieta. OK, He isn’t originally ours but, he’s seriously Australian now. He migrated from Venezuela thirteen years ago and originally settled in Adelaide. He divorced and had in the last year married one of ours. So, he’s ours now. It’s hilarious to see our culture through the eyes of a new Aussie.

This is my fourth time seeing his show in the ten years he’s performed here. Wish I’d been able to meet him at the meet and greet he announced he was doing. My friend sadly departed after my last bathroom experience as he had a train to get to home.

My second bathroom experience, younger people more prominent in the audience but not completely I chose to check out the accessible bathroom. Lock. Tick. Hook on wall, tick and toilet not close to the floor. Tick! However, things fell apart a little when I encountered the again “selfish” paper dispenser. Or it could have just been the previous occupant as I could not for the life of me find the end of the roll. I hate those big commercial toilet roll dispensers that have the ability to not be so big they either hold two rolls with the plastic sliding thing to allow access to the other roll or there is a big roll that allows them to not replace it for days. I don’t know, it’s nice that they think it’s not important to check. I checked my boob-pocket for a tissue and would have made do. But alas, I had neglected to stash one for such emergencies and I was forced to frustratingly continue with the roll. Eventually, leaving a shredded confetti protest on the floor after managing the squares I’d required.

At least on this occasion I’d not had an audience. I can’t decide which was the better experience.

Bring on winter so I can make like a bear and hibernate.

Karen and the Motorbike – Follow-up

Published January 13, 2025 by helentastic67

Karen and the Motorbike – Follow up

So, remember the previous post? Hellonwheels – Part 2 | Hell onWheels/Life One Handed Where a female Karen thoughtlessly parked their motorbike in front of my shed? Yeah! Like we could forget?

So, I posted those photos to a social media page. You know the one? I had created the page pre-covid to help people network/help each other etc in my apartment building.

When people consistently find themselves on the receiving end of pure selfishness, they post photos of the results of said selfish actions. As I did, only after texting the likely culprit.

Oh My God! Help Me! It got some response. I even sent texts to my actual property manager who contacted the OC, who contacted the tenants, then the tow truck company. And an hour later I got a grumpy rant on the group chat making it sound like she was the victim.

I then had to Admin the shit out of her inappropriate use of the group chat. As I had politely asked her directly, because I had correctly guessed it was her motorbike in front of my shed. She deciding to ignore my messages I then posted it to the group chat hoping to get a little swifter action.

The fact that she got very defensive and stated she had only stopped in for ten minutes and ended staying longer was all completely irrelevant to the fact she had ignored my basic right to have what she takes for granted.

Hellonwheels, allows me basic freedom to go some distances and do local appointments without needing to rely on others and do a little local Hunter/Gathering of items I can take up to and into my home one-handed.

Making me wonder how often she does this?

Merry Christmas to Everyone

Published December 23, 2024 by helentastic67

Wants and Needs

This post is likely ahead of the first five to ten I’ve only written in my head but here we go. I’ve been doing a lot of research lately for where I will be next living, for how long I can afford to live there or just live in general, If I can afford to travel, in other words have a holiday and can I finally afford furniture from my favourite shop, can I afford any or all of these things?

I now utter sentences that includes words like “my financial advisor.” and it’s weird. I’m getting more comfortable with it but it’s still weird.

Don’t for a heartbeat imagine I’m wealthy however, my father, God bless him, has allowed me to consider life could have potential and could be a little sweeter.

A wise woman suggested I work out how much I need for the furniture I want, potential travel and work backwards.

Furniture, Holiday, Forever home, Check.

I just consulted the website to my favourite furniture store and my antidepressants are not strong enough.

HellonWheels

Published April 29, 2024 by helentastic67

HellonWheels

You might have wondered why my last post saw me so fucking livid? I suggest that’s accurate and there is some context from that post relevant here.

Had a bit of a scooter out on hellonwheels today. It’s a Monday, often a stay-at-home day but stupidly, I booked my 5th Vax for Covid and out I went. I really enjoy going out on my scooter, my mind working overtime on all the things I need to write about, how freeing it is and how much I get to enjoy the independence my scooter brings me.

I stopped on my way home to chat to a new shop owner who looks to be the supplier of my next Messenger bag. So happy and I paused briefly at an intersection to make sure I did not get collected as I went around a weirdly parked tow-truck. It was to collect a small car with a two-initials brand logo, whose front end was a little dinted and the airbags had adequately deployed. Younger man standing sadly by the fence watching on with his hands in his pockets. I even stopped at the local post office to collect a parcel, the staff member seeing me coming came out from behind the counter to put my parcel in my hand. So, I could leave and the queue not so long. The woman in front of me looking questioning why I had been served first?

Scootered home checked letterbox. I can even do this while still seated on my scooter. Some fancy driving and reversing and turning enough to reach my keys from my bag on their elastic cord. Fang it around the corner, press the button on the fob in my pocket and while the garage door lifts, I reach back and remove my red flag to put in the back and I bob down a bit as I clear the gate. I normally fang it to the basement and back to my shed on B1 before putting her away stating I like to open her up a bit, the motor of course is not horses but electric, however it amuses everyone I’ve said this too.

However, seeing my scooter shed as I turned a corner, I was confronted by this!

Recall, I sent to my neighbour in my previous post how Chef would name and shame people? So, the above photos, I flicked a short but polite text to my neighbour. To my understanding she doesn’t live here anymore but her adult children do. But I spent several hours messaging her, my property manager etc, to remedy this insult. I was ignored by my neighbour. My property manager got onto the OC, the other tenants then a tow-truck company to remove the bike.