Tears

Published April 22, 2019 by helentastic67

Tears

There are sometimes these days when I have a superpower, I never knew I had. I can make my carers cry. What? I know, it’s not on purpose.

It’s often the best conversations with my carers about all things ‘Helen’ (for want of a better term) the things that have moulded me and made me the person I am today.

This particular day, I told my carer about what it was like in the early 80’s in my family after the death of my fifteen-month-old sister.

She had been born on my eighth birthday and for fifteen months I helped bath her, change nappies, do “mum stuff” and we had one birthday together where we had an Ice Cream cake and we were both sick. We have a photo to commemorate the day. Very understated and in the last month of her life, she was taken to the local hospital in the country town where I grew up. The doctors, I believe misdiagnosed her, but by this stage she had already likely had a stroke. She was flown to Melbourne and within a (hear me flown to Melbourne.) month she was gone. My parents had to make the decision to turn off her life support.

I recall a family visiting us and the father distinctly placed a dining chair in a location, so he could sit with his back to a photo of Linda (that was her name) so he couldn’t see it.

There is an assumption when a child dies, that you should rid your home of all the photos and things that remind you of them, almost as if they had never existed, which seems wrong.

To be clear Linda died from a huge tumor.

After a while, because family and friends just didn’t know how to help or were just too sad, they just decided to stay away.

From nine years old, for a good few years, life was really lonely. I then told my carer a story of a friend of mine in the ABI community who passed away about six years ago.

I had to stop going to the place I would see him, because when my taxi arrived, I would be crying silent tears and the poor driver would not know what to do (poor bastard). I had to stop going, but whenever I return for a rare one off gathering, I sat somewhere I cannot dart my eyes towards the picture of him. I used to get through our gatherings always casting a look in his direction and we seemed communicate so much with our eyes. Anyway, more of him another day as I can feel the tears.

So yes! My superpower is I can make people cry, but it’s usually when my voice breaks a little and in crying.

Next time I want a better super power. Feel free to comment below as to what your super power is or would want it to be.

No cliché, X-ray vision or invisibility please.

Today’s Lunch – 17th April 2019

Published April 17, 2019 by helentastic67

Today’s Lunch

Good Mental Health Day

Had a lovely ladies day planned Monday. Plans changed on the day and things went a little sideways at the start and the end.

However, went down to Flinders on the Mornington Peninsula to visit my older sister to deliver her some goodies, and her and her partners belated birthday gifts. She loves her presents! My sister works at the Mornington Peninsula Chocolatier and Creamery. Here are some photos from my lovely ladies’ day.

I had yummy calamari with salad for lunch with medicine. Followed by tiramisu and lemon ice cream! Great combo. Sweet and tart!

So, today’s lunch at my regular haunt, it’s warm today in Melbourne. 30 degrees and in Autumn!
So, chicken salad with turmeric and medicine!

Cheers,
H

Love or Hate, Hit Like

Published April 15, 2019 by helentastic67

Love or Hate, Hit Like

There will be some posts I write and you read when you won’t ‘Like’ at all what I have to say. You may not believe me even. You will be absolutely fair to want to HATE it.

However, you should still give me a ‘Like’ because I say it as I see it and then you can do something about what you have heard if you can and if you believe in it and think the world can be a better place for everyone.

These days I live in a rather wog area of Melbourne, they are mostly baby-boomers in age, their children having moved out, started their own families with more room in suburbs slightly further out.

On a rare occasion, there is a 50-somethiing still living with parents in this neighbourhood and it’s because on occasion the “child” is still in many ways a “child”.

It means they have intellectual challenges for those reading this post, don’t have to live with every day.

Wrong

Published April 12, 2019 by helentastic67

Wrong

There are brief and rare moments going FULL WRONG that makes all thing’s about disability anything but wrong.

I have a habit of weight-baring on my walking stick. I’m not the only one, it just goes to show I do need it, but there are times I use it rather forcefully to the great annoyance of some around me.

One lovely day, going off to our early December family Christmas lunch, which was somewhere nice. We girls can’t always get together on the actual day, so we do a nice lunch out.

It was on a Sunday, because it’s when we are all free.

Are you all aware I go off-grid on the weekend? I don’t go out, I don’t put on a bra or shoes. Yes, I have a shower, however, I don’t do PERSON.

So, going to Hellenic Republic in Kew, George Collobini’s great Greek restaurant. Definitely, a bit expensive, but special so it’s the way to go and it’s got my name on it.

But Sunday, HARD to do PERSON. So, walking stick was riding that thing, have hard and noisy.

Mum growled at me ‘Do you have to be so noisy?’

To which I replied ‘I’m sorry, if only I could live without it!’

I’m sure I also told her to ‘Go ye forth and multiply’, but in other words, yes my favourite ones. Starting with my favourite F word ending in “off” and mum laughed.

So proud of my relationship with my mum at times like this.

Today’s Lunch – 10th April 2019

Published April 10, 2019 by helentastic67

Todays Lunch

Today’s Lunch

Good Mental Health Day

Just recapping my week so far!

Monday, went to the city. Migraine!

Tuesday, went to the city! Migraine!

Wednesday, have not gone to the city, but because consistency is the key. Migraine!

Migraine

Something I love about Melbourne is when different festivals and sporting events bring tourists and people to the city. The Melbourne International Comedy Festival is currently is in full swing. People, accents everywhere. Even while walking through Degraves Street my Girl Tuesday & I were asked if we were tourists? Hilarious!

Comedey Festival 1

Yesterday, there was a queue down the street on Flinders Lane that even required security! Seriously, apparently a shop was giving away ice cream. I do love ice cream so I get it. Maybe the security was because the queue was three people deep down the footpath half-way down the block. There is a police station right there and the traffic is sometimes unforgiving. Know what I mean? Mmmmmmm, ice cream!

Ice Cream

I also need to mention we should all celebrate the arrival in my apartment of two kitchen appliances that have been funded by the NDIA. I got the funding for the Adriano Zumbo limited edition Food Processor (commonly referred to in our family as an F.P.) and also the Adriano Zumbo Cake Mixer, I plan to christen it on Friday.

Food Processor 1

Today’s lunch is closer to home today due to other commitments and no stabby appointment. Today’s offering is, which I picked up in Fairfield from a great independent supermarket called Cardamom & Wine. Its Spanakopita.

SpaniKota

Cheers

H

If I Go Down, So Do You

Published April 8, 2019 by helentastic67

If I go down

If I Go Down – So Are You, Awkward

There are some days when I’m out and about, where so help me God. Sometimes I think people are going out of their way to get in mine. I get off a tram where I have to take a huge step down and before I get to the curb (2.5 metres away) someone has gotten off the same tram, come around on my left side, then cut right in front of me.

Get in my way

Just a friendly reminder, my worst eyesight is my peripheral on my left side, so I don’t see them coming, but I mean WHY??? Some days it’s every moment I’m out of the house. The last two sets of lights I cross to get from the tram stop to my home, guaranteed people will move into my path to get where they have to be.

Cross my path

One of these days Alice, one of these days, someone’s going to knock me over and I always say “If I go down, you go down with me!” I have been known to say this to kids running around the shopping centre when I’m there.

One of these days, Alice

Fucking kids and these are the ones old enough to know better, I give them my grumpy European stare. My Nona would be proud.

Grumpy Nonna Look

There are also times when I go to get off the tram or train, when I get up early so I can get my left leg to wake up. Rearrange my bag so I don’t have it get in my way and there is usually an awkward moment where another is trying for the door also and they are okay for me to go first. I always let them go first, stating they will be quicker and if I think they can take it, I also tell them, if I fall, I want something soft to land on.

Fall off Tram

If I’m luck to get a startled look from them, I know they heard me and I give them a little smile sometimes, it’s the little things.

Little Smile

Going Out, Then Down

Published April 5, 2019 by helentastic67

Going Out Then Down

Going Out, Then Down

There is so much people wouldn’t realise about my disability, because it’s hidden and because it seems I’m always upright and mobile when they see me.

Hidden Disability

On a rare occasion I might even get out in the evening for some extra-curricular entertainment. No wait! Not like that! (I wish)

Rare Occasion

I went to a theatre production called Kong. It really was a “One-off” adventure, so rare that they are. That night now some years ago, I had also been out and about during the day and had tried to plan for ‘saving’ some energy for the unexpected later that night. ‘Saving energy’ for later – what a foreign concept. The venue had a huge entrance of stairs.

Thearte Entrance

We couldn’t get a park close by, so myself and another, plus our lovely friend who had hosted/escorted us for the adventure, walked us to and from the venue.

Walking to theatre

We had entered the venue through a very upmarket/snobby Café next to the venue and in a lift at the back. (would love to dine there one day).

Snobby Cafe

Afterwards we ended up at a kebab place on Brunswick Street, our host stating many a night had ended there having kebabs. I ate something that came with a fork, just saying. I always go with at least the messiest option.

Kebab Shop

Once more, up the four steps into the unit I lived in at the time and success. Great night out. Good entertainment, good company, good walk in the city even.

Good Company

Door to door service, almost.

Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick

Lastly, plan cuppa T and off to bed. No? Too easy. Ba-boom

Standing in the kitchen, put the kettle on and I feel myself losing balance. If all I have to do is put my left foot back, just a little step to support me.

Lose Balance

No!

Don’t know if it’s the message is to slow the brain. It’s just a completely foreign concept. Make a half-arsed effort to grab onto something, but not enough to not want to cause more damage. I’m going down.

Fall in kitchen 1

Timber!

That’s what people don’t see, when ever I have a fall and it’s not that often thankfully, once a year. I lie there and think to myself “This is NOT the time I wish I wore my Mepacs pendant.” Because I refuse and I do what I have to, to roll over and wriggle up.

Roll over

That’s not pretty, but I haven’t been found the next morning on the floor by any of my carers yet.

So Winning.

Winning

Today’s Lunch – 3rd April 2019

Published April 3, 2019 by helentastic67

Todays Lunch

Today’s Lunch

Good Mental Health Day

A few times a year I am fortunate enough to be taken out for dinner. Monday after a rather long day it was once such lucky day. I was taken out by my Boo! (And his Boo!) well, he says he only has one Boo! Everyone says it with me now! ”aaaaawwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!”

Going to Dinner

Honestly, if I wasn’t lucky enough to have gay men in my life, I wouldn’t have any men in my life!
It is definitely easier to survive as a single barren spinster if you have some gay friends. We went to a Vietnamese place in Preston I was first introduced to around 15 years ago when it was so well respected it made the cover of the Age. That’s the Melbourne based newspaper and it didn’t make the cover of the Epicurian, the foodie magazine inserts, but the actual Age!

Gay Friends

Doing Vietnamese must include vegetarian spring rolls wrapped in a lettuce leave with a mint leaf or two tightly wrapped inside before dunking in the dipping sauce. I also like the weird drink called three colour! It’s got kidney beans in the bottom, green jelly things and ice with coconut milk? It’s hard to tell but it’s nice.

Spring rolls

The strangest and most important thing about going out for dinner with good food and even better company is I was actually home by 8pm! And with leftovers for tonight’s dinner! Again, no photos. My bad!

Leftovers

Here’s my second Bread and Butter pudding for the year! Oh, does it look exactly the same as the first pudding of the year? Yes, because it is, I forgot to take a photograph of that one also.

Pudding

I actually had a day at home yesterday. Still dealing with this annoying cough from my cold and then I had a migraine!

Migraine

So, needing a pain free easy day today at my favourite cafe for sure! Today’s offering is the Ortolani quiche with a side salad (Mediterranean vegetables) and my medicine

Quiche Latte

Cheers

H

Grumble for Help

Published April 1, 2019 by helentastic67

Grumble for help

It is often a challenge for people to know when to offer help to someone with a disability and when to politely want to be asked. Ironically, I often am asked by people if they should ask at all. I am fiercely independent and I recently had a conversation on this exact same topic with my carer, whom I go out shopping with and do my only food preparation days with.

Do You Need Help

We agreed, I will attempt everything first, I might give out noisy, grumpy sounds as I struggle and when I swear a little, it’s probably still okay. But if I sound frustrated, that’s when she knows to offer assistance.

When to offer help

That’s also what I love about this particular carer.

Love carer

I’m More Than Just a Stroke

Published March 29, 2019 by helentastic67

More than just my stroke

I’m More Than Just a Stroke

There is so much judgement to having a stroke. Normally I get it by just a look sent my way from someone in passing. I usually notice it and go for the wry smile anyway. I prefer to kill with kindness.

The look

Sometimes others witness this judgement and they take care of it too. To be clear my mum personalises every single slight that happens to me. So, she reacts like it’s all happening to her. She can’t help herself.

Mum

But the carer while arranging her social engagements for the Sunday afternoon, she told her friend she had me in the morning. She described me as and in the context of “Helen’s forty-five and had a stroke.” Something about the tone she used, I responded with a “Yes?” with the end of the word lifted. Raised my eyebrows some. She sniggered a little and seemed reluctant to share.

Sniggering 1

Her friend’s judgement was swift “forty-five and had a stroke? That’s young for a stroke.”

I reminded her I’d been in my late thirties, but she informed me that he had put him (her friend) in his place, that I hadn’t been a drinker or a smoker.

Drinker and Smoker 1

Big love her way. Bless her cotton socks.

But I reassured her, I’m used to that level of judgement from complete strangers. I told her it was fine, I wasn’t even offended. I had a fairly thick skin in some ways these days and I will growl a questioning grumpy “What?” at someone who gives me a look of disrespect or I will give them a “FUCK YOU” if needed.

Fuck you

So, there are times, it’s just not worth it to need to advocate every single time someone disrespects me or I wouldn’t leave the house or answer the phone or deal with family. I would just stay home and wait to die.

Waiting to die

I do of course reward and thank people who take the time to simply step out of my way, so I can pass and I don’t make a big thing of it, so I incline my head slightly and give them a quiet thank you in their direction.

Thank you