The Massage

Published January 20, 2017 by helentastic67

untitled-1

Untitled

I think my body image has taken a hit in the last 10 years! But not my sense of humour!

No man has seen me naked for nearly that long!

This week a 20-year old guy gave me a relaxation massage. Wait! Don’t get too excited.

He pulled the curtain back and said “Just take everything off and get under the towel.” I must have started a little because he then said “You can keep your underwear on!”

massage-1

So, I presumed it was a negotiation and counter offered with “How about I leave everything on from the waist down and you work on my back and my Carpel Tunnel and if there’s time my feet?”

He came around to my way of thinking and I got ready. Should point out it’s really hard to lie on my tummy with my left arm by my side.

Putting the towel over me, it’s just never going to happen. He returned and I asked his help to take my left arm out from under me.

massage

He did this and I told him I had to do one last thing before I was ready. He asked what it was?

I told him I had to tuck my left ‘girl’ under me. He replied he could not help me with that. I told him he could “but neither of us were ready for that.”

Don’t think I’m super wealthy, that massage was at a free clinic, I attend where the students volunteer their time so they can get experience.

I like to reward them with my humour.

massage-2

20’s

Published January 16, 2017 by helentastic67

20s

20’s

So, there’s a new dating show I’ve seen in Australia. It’s called ‘Kiss Bang Love’. The basic premise is one chic kisses 12 guys. They are blindfolded. So, it’s purely on chemistry and finesse (I guess). The chic gets to choose 5 guys to kiss a second time without the blindfold. Then 24-hour date with 2 from that 5 and at the airport choose between those last 2 guys to take on an overseas getaway.

kiss-bang-love

The second week it was a guy getting to kiss 12 girls etc.

These dating shows really are all the same, aren’t they? They’re all a bit grabby/handsy too as one girl described it “See what I have?” Frown.

They all want excitement and adventure. They all want to travel and they all want someone by their side to do it with. The very worst part…

dating-game

I hate it when they ask now old they are and how long they’ve been single?

Week 3! It started and she said she was 23!

Do I need to keep writing? Do you all see where this is going? Can I be done yet?

Ok, fine! I’ll keep writing.

She was bloody 23! And was complaining she’d been single for …….. actually I stopped it and deleted it!

Such was my disgust at this 23-year-old having her priorities wrong.

Let me explain, your 20’s are about exploring and finding out who you are. Your values! Preferably not OH MY GOD! I haven’t met HIM yet, I’m going to be alone forever!

I’m 20 years older than that chick and I’m reassessing all ‘that’ and I’m sad I’m doing it alone, but I’m not devastated!

people-in-their-20s

Grief/Acceptance

Published January 12, 2017 by helentastic67

grief-1

Grief/Acceptance

The hardest things to accept are the things we can’t explain. Death is something I make some dark jokes about as I’m often around people who don’t accept that it’s a natural part of life. Here’s a brief explanation on Life and Death.

Birth Life Death

All the shit in-between we make up as we

We go and it’s what we make of it!

life-and-death

But the ending is going to happen at some point, no matter what we want or how much we plan. It’s unavoidable.

People we love will die! They just leave us! People we have never met or would meet will die! It’s what we do while we’re here that makes the difference in the bigger scheme of things.

lost-loved-ones

To be blunt; The less time we have to prepare for someone’s passing, makes it harder to grieve.

Someone dying unexpectedly or by accident or before they get “old” (not young) makes it more challenging to deal with.

loss-of-loved-one-quotes3

I’m sure I’m not done on this topic.

loved-ones

Competition – WTF

Published January 9, 2017 by helentastic67

competition

Competition – WTF

I don’t know what it is with some people and their Brain Injuries. They get very competitive.

“MY BRAIN INJURY IS WORSE THAN YOURS!”

competition-2

And I’m here to stay….. YES IT IS!

competition-1

Being part of a community of people with Brain Injuries and the community mentality that we can all be grouped together (socially and otherwise) means everyone thinks their Brain Injury is worse than the next person.

brain-injury-1

No one seems to have any appreciation for how the next person’s situation is completely different to everyone else.

we-are-not-all-the-same-2

I find it very frustrating that people are actually competing about who is getting the NDIS first. Let me tell you, the pilot regions got it first and in the scheme of things “took one for the Team” and ironed out all the kinks. (well most of them).

Ironing out the kinks.

I live in one of the 4 council districts in North/East Melbourne that are getting it on July 1^st 2016,

I have a friend (loose term) who loves to tell me he’s getting it before me!

Um! Let’s call him Fred! And remember, his name is not Fred and I really hope I don’t meet a Fred, be or have a Fred follow my blog because then I’ll be in trouble!

friend-fred

So, let me give you some background re-Fred. He owns his own home, he has family close by who include him in their lives, he can work and study.

He most importantly has a package (ISP Individual Support Package) which pays for carers, he chooses NOT to use because he finds them inconvenient and uses the funds for other purposes.

I know people who have TAC funding. (Funded because of car accident) who won their own home. Some are happy to brag about how poor they are while they have an excess. Some who have their own home because of TAC who are quiet and humble and very kind.

funding-2

To be clear, TAC funding and people on Workcover because they were injured on the way to work, there supports will end when the NDIS takes over.

Some people with TAC funding are getting on board to find out what to expect.

Others I’ve tried to tell them they need to catch up and learn about the NDIS because it will affect them. They are burying their heads in the sand.

Sink or swim right.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink it.

But in the meantime, let’s be a bit nicer to each other.

It that too much to ask?

be-kind

The Look

Published January 6, 2017 by helentastic67

the-look-start

The Look

I get some really odd ‘looks’ from people when I’m out and about. Today I got that disgusted look from a “young” lady who seemed to think (from the expression on her face) I was somehow a representation of something or one she would never be.

Maybe I’ve gotten old, but I find the attitude of this young snot to be a complete opposite of what I had at that age.

I think I was open, happy, respectful towards others and myself. So really didn’t much appreciate her grumpy attitude, I chose to ignore her.

respect

I otherwise find when I walk past people in the street, they look away when we are close and passing. When I make the conscious effort, always to make eye contact. I always like to catch their eye, smile and acknowledge people no matter where I am.

eye-contact

I don’t need to stop and have a conversation, I just like to think life could be a little better if we could connect, even in this tiny, minuscule way.

I also think it’s respectful.

Is this wrong to think like this?

the-look-end

Handy Hints #467

Published January 2, 2017 by helentastic67

handy-hints

Handy Hints #467

I don’t know how many handy hits I’ve had so far, but it’s definitely not 467. This advice I was given from a Naturopath friend who is now retired. She also had a lifetime of wisdom as a Nurse. Her advice was this;

You may not realise your biggest organ is your skin! And if you are sick with a cold you might consider putting garlic inside your sock’s. Your soles of your feet will absorb the garlic and you will breath garlic very soon, enough to keep away Vampires!

garlic-socks

Pop Quiz!

Who knows what your biggest organ is?

If you answered “Your skin!” you would be correct. I ask my carers the first time they have a shift with me as part of their induction.

skin

Most people might be familiar with Arnica being used for bruises. I use it for brain swelling.

arnica

Arnica is really good for bruises. Helps draw them out so they can get better and go away quicker.

But you can really slather your head with it, it’s easier to put some on the “soft spots” of your body because they absorb quicker.

The soft spots are as follow’s

The inside of your elbow.
The inside of your thigh.
The underside of your belly. (About 3 inches below your belly button (just guessing).
The underside of your breasts (Ladies)

My carers do the cream inside my elbow. Specialists cleared me of brain swelling years ago, however a little dab every day can’t hurt and I really notice the difference when I do too much, stress too much and the pressure behind my eyes builds, every bit helps.

Arnica can be bought from Health Food Shops and I think it’s a staple for every bathroom.

brain-pain

Life – Part 2

Published December 30, 2016 by helentastic67

life-2

Life

“If you are not living you’re just waiting to die!”

I’ve been questioning this lately because when I was younger I imagined life meant work, family and eventually “green pastures”. Meaning a comfortable retirement eventually after a sufficiently lengthy work life!

I’m pretty certain having children is never going to happen from this body. While not menopausal, I’ve done my time changing nappies for 2 younger sisters cured me of needing to make up for it now.

nappies

I’m not apologetic to say that when I’m out shopping or in Cafes and I hear a baby cry or screech. It’s the sound of my ovaries drying up! I’m certain my body would struggle with caring for a baby, my back certainly would not cope. A second disc bulge, while pregnant? Pass! Hell NO!

sceaming-ovaries

Marriage is an endless possibility, so yet to rule that out. I’ve always wanted a man who was more interested in my mind than my body and let’s face it, the last 8 years haven’t been kind to my body. Now I just hope life isn’t so cruel, that I meet the man of my dreams and he’s a Neurosurgeon.

not-married

Wouldn’t that be ironic…

Because we all know surgeons are “cutters”. Cutters like to cut!

nuerosurgen

No-one’s cutting into my brain until I’m no longer using it! All the careers I’ve had I can no longer do. Organisations love my knowledge and experiences, but no one wants to pay for this wisdom I have. They all expect I’ll impart this wisdom for free, because I’ve seen as some scourge on the community and it’s how I can give back to the community.

So while I’m not ready to give up and die, I don’t know what I’m living for. Does that make sense? I’m working that out!

Reassessing…

reassessing-1

The Good, The Bad

Published December 26, 2016 by helentastic67

the-good-the-bad

The Good/The Bad

There is a children’s book I recall reading as a child. I can’t at all remember what it was called but the story line and message stuck with me. It is literally a story about a little boy who gets into an aeroplane and flies up into the sky, then the aeroplane runs out of fuel. He flies it upside down and he falls out. And he falls out of the aeroplane and he falls in the direction of a haystack. But the haystack has a pitchfork sticking up in it. But it’s OK because he misses the pitchfork, but he misses the haystack also. But it’s all okay! Because he lands in a pond.

aeroplane

The message is obviously to teach the young impressionable minded reader that life is good and bad in equal measures.

Sometimes, it feels like only bad things happen and not enough good. In recent years, I’ve developed a disability, on the upside, I’ve maintained my ability to speak for myself (when people listen) and I can manage my own finances. I might not be rich, but I’m not starving and I’ve kept a roof over my head.

Sometimes, the good isn’t completely blow you away, amazing it’s little things. But those little things all add up to.

Here are a few good things;

Winter in my house is a little brutal, however I can keep the butter on the bench and it doesn’t melt or go mouldy.
I am not reliant on a man in my life! I might be single however, I’m not bad at being single. I can survive without a male presence in my life.

ONWARDS…

good-things

Winter Part 2

Published December 23, 2016 by helentastic67

melbourne-meme

Winter Part 2

When Winter hit’s I’m always reminded of going clubbing during Winter. The 3-5 nights a week of clubbing has finally caught up with me!

outside-nightclub

Those nights of walking up a narrow street in the city to one club where the buildings towered either side of us and acted like a wind tunnel blowing right through whatever you were wearing.

Usually a cute little Dotty dress, layers of tights covered by a long black leather jacket. My friend and I would catch our breath at a particularly cool gust of wind and convince ourselves once we were inside it would be better.

leather-jacket

Once inside we had the opposite problem, Jackets safely kept on the top floor with our favourite DJ in the booth.

I will leak some tidbits about my club days in time, but I find it ironic that these day’s I think it’s been 2 or 3 years since I last ventured out to a club. It was the 23^rd reunion of the first club I ever worked at. It was Spring and some people I hadn’t seen for all of the years since. These days, as of making up for a miss-spent ‘youth’, I spend every night on my couch alone, eating my dinner and watching TV. Alone, weird how life is right?

eat-alone

Winter Part 1

Published December 19, 2016 by helentastic67

winter-1 Winter!

It’s the second day of Winter in Melbourne. (Although by the time you read this, I don’t know. I’ve just sent another batch of post to my Administrator). And I don’t know what it is but the last few years Winter has taken me a little by surprise. I seem despite no longer being a size-skinny, I really feel the cold.

flannel-pjs-2

The first Winter after my “Stroke” (Stroke, but not a stroke!) I need to give up my flannelette sheets. I wear flannel pj’s in Winter and bedsox’s and flannel on flannel when trying to rollover when ½ your body doesn’t comply is like Velcro. I’d roll to my right and the top sheet would follow leaving my back to get cold.

flannel-pjs-1

I moved to my current home, a spacious unit 3 ½ years ago and the first Winter I rolled the radiator heater into my bedroom and switched it on.

I convinced myself I would only have it on at night! Then, I told myself I would only have it on, on weekends! Then, I got my next power bill!

Nearly died! Took that heater, unplugged it and rolled it back into the spare room. Haven’t used it since.

I saw an elderly gentleman on A Current Affairs program a few years ago discussing how hard it was to live on a pension. I quote him when I say “It’s heat or eat”.

heat-or-eat

It’s a horrible thought that I can’t afford to do both. I really can’t do eating disorders as food inspires me and gives me great joy to shop (Ouch $$$$) and even more to send out my texts to have people come collect my ‘treats’.

But it would seem I can’t afford to heat either.

To be completely clear, I don’t cope in Summer either! 25 Degrees C is my limit! 40 Degrees C means I stay in the lounge with the air con on! I have just officially become an old person.

too-old-1