Asking for a Friend

Published July 7, 2025 by helentastic67

Asking for a Friend

I wonder what people would recommend for someone with ADHD (hope it’s OK to refer to it as such? We all know it’s one of the many in the spectrum now just referred to as ASD?)

What would people recommend for the big projects that consume all your time, the playing with your Meds, drinking more or less coffee to get through the day and the tasks, then the smoking pot to come down at the end of the day?

Asking for a friend.

Think we have all been around people on the spectrum and seen how some cope or don’t cope. We have been on the cold face of receiving or cleaning up after them.

ASD in disability circles I’m finding has been the latest disability to be in the spotlight and the newbies or the young people now more women as its better understood the symptoms in women are different.

I don’t have a lived experience of ASD, just so you know, but I see people who do it well, I’ve seen the new young ones being all “You don’t know what! Bitch please!” I was diagnosed at 34 with my AVM and received all kinds of bullshit ever since.

It’s the low expectation of (Quote by Graeme Innes) “So people with disabilities keep having to deal with the soft bigotry of low expectations.” Now as well as swimming against the tide of negative attitudes.

Someone related to me suggested I might have ADHD too, I know I’ve seen comedians who joke about being recently diagnosed, by a friend and that its some kind of pyramid scheme.

So, too said family member. “Bitch please!”……No, I said “I’m a High Functioning ABI. Have I not suffered enough?”

Keys Can Have Layers and So Forth

Published May 19, 2025 by helentastic67

Keys can Have Layers and So Forth

Today! The D.B. finally went to its home in the storage cage in my carpark along with some laundry tubs a friend had bought to help me move but, just ended up needing to be moved then stored in my new home because said friend yet to return to see my new home and collect them. It is to say it’s another good example of why I stand by the decision to have bought a small dolly trolley years ago.

My carer today, standing the D.B. Upright and weirdly the plastic tubs perched on top, little adventures like this take time, planning and all the other chores caught up on so time can be put to tasks such as the D.B. going to its storage place.

Being one-handed I manage the keys, the doors, the buttons in the lift and the navigational prowess. Down to the ground floor, where outside the lift is a small area with a sensor light and another door to the garage. As we got out of the lift the architecturally flawed items fell and as I opened the door to the garage a man appeared. He had gotten out of the car someone was parking right next to the door. He was an older man, some salt and pepper in his hair and beard I couldn’t help myself, I told him “Thats not a dead body!” I think he appreciated my comment as he informed me, he didn’t believe me.

Times like these I appreciate despite my A.B.I. I’m quick witted. People probably wouldn’t even be aware of my A.B.I. That I’ve had longer than my fifty-two years, but I gave him a quick retort “It’s OK, because I may not know where you live but I don’t know where you park?” and from that he got in the lift and was gone. From knowing his carpark can work out his address.

So, inside the storage cage bits is protected from prying eyes, should anybody think to break into my storage cage, if the sight of what could be a dead body doesn’t scare them? Discovering rolls of off cuts of carpet will be to their greater disappointment.

Analogies

Published April 21, 2025 by helentastic67

Analogies

My brain is very busy with analogy’s today, it’s either a good or a terrible day to blog. So, we will see how it goes. You probably want an analogy now? You can wait.

I present really well for someone who’s had a brain injury for fifty-two-years. My carers tell me this all the time, because we discuss that in person, people are oblivious to what’s going on behind the scenes. But, in reality what’s going on up “there” feels like a bag of rattlesnakes. Thats 1 (Analogy delivered!)

I wonder if people realise there are days up “there” is like having five people with ABI’s, five people with depression or anxiety and five people on the spectrum in a room. Shaken and stirred, rather like the rattle snakes in a bag, right? And I suggest, within a few hours the room above will look like some kind of mass casualty has occurred. Think blood, trauma. Mass casualties, I realise, for many this is going way too far. But I’m making a point.

Up “there!” in my brain, there is so much chaos. Just anarchy, and I know it’s happening.
I just can’t stop it. It’s so busy I just try to get through the tasks as best as possible leaving as few people scathed as possible.

This is why people like me spend a lot of time self-isolating. It’s why we coped (apparently) better during the quarantining during Covid. It’s also, why we noticed how other people didn’t cope well during Covid. When I isolate too much, then when I do go out my brain is like “Oh my God! Look at all the thongs, the food, the people.

There are a people. What do you do? What are you peopling? Can I people with you? Let’s people together. Yes, we can.

Now, that is clearly an example. But we saw it a lot during the plague. Walking past chemists where I’d see a person behind the counter getting peopling, full blast by a customer out being around people for the first time in days. The staff members eyes flick out to notice if anybody out there that could save them. Is this even really happening? Am I the only one seeing this right now? Can somebody help me? And all of that is happening up there and on the outside, its Calm! Calm! Calm!

Everybody act calm and then, I think this is why I gift people treats a lot. It’s a reward, sure. But it’s my way of saying, you put up with my “Crazy!”

Later, I may stay away for a bit, so you miss me. Because you nipped at me and hurt my feelings. I try to bring a little funny, a little sass to everyone every day. But sometimes, others have too much owing on and it falls short. But this is why when I hand over a little love, I mean it.

High Functioning

Published May 13, 2024 by helentastic67

High Functioning

I learnt in the early days I was considered a high functioning ABI, I live independently, I pay my own bills, I pay my rent, Blah. Blah. Blah.

The problem with being high functioning is when I am not at my best, like when I have a terrible migraine. No, not a headache, a migraine! People don’t realise what that means or how it brings my basic function level to zero. And the people round me, if they are the wrong people, don’t seem to help.

I learned recently that I can be “mean!” because a carer told me so. I realised all people with disabilities, if in pain and with someone that is actually not helping will get a dose of “MEAN!”

I can’t apologise for someone being unable to read the situation and being helpful. It’s when I can least micromanage someone.

Perceived Personality

Published May 2, 2022 by helentastic67

Perceived Personality

There is an understanding within the ABI community, with the elders (if, ….) to that end, I say this in non-medical terms.

If someone has a life before they get their ABI/TBI, after this event and the fall out and dust settles, so to speak. They will retain that personality they had before the trauma. If someone was a player or a slut (I know, harsh words) or if they were funny, or love certain things. They will retain those traits after their ABI.

It is different when someone young, under-developed gets an ABI/TBI and even after an ABI/TBI etc, etc, the time often after the trauma improves. Five, ten, fifteen, twenty years, etc down the track.

I often wonder because I’ve had my AVM (my ABI) from before birth. How this has impacted my perceived personality. Because I think I’ve developed my personality and quirks around and despite my AVM.

ABI – Acquired Brain Injury

TBI – Traumatic Brain Injury

AVM – Arterial Venous Malformation

Who Am I?

Published September 13, 2021 by helentastic67

Who am I?

My name is Helen, I started blogging in 2015. Since then, I’ve written over 600+ blog posts and acquired over 280 followers all around the world.

I’ve really let my blog speak for itself and not really marketed myself in any commercial way to gain a larger following.

Pre-Covid I was sharing three posts a week. Hellonwheels, is me doing brain injury differently. I’ve had my brain injury for over 48 years, only learning I even had my Arterial Venous Malformation (AVM) at aged 34 when I was really stressed, as a result of workplace bullying. After diagnosis and treatment, I have been left with stroke like symptoms.

It’s not easy being a high-functioning Acquired Brain Injury (ABI) and it’s even harder to explain. I have a good memory, a love for music and food – things some people with brain injuries can’t enjoy.

I’m a single-barren spinster, often including further descriptions, straight and fucking fussy!

I have strong opinions, which may or may not appeal to everyone. This is why I include stories of my past, little moments of life, foodie posts and beautiful things from nature.

Life is short and often few moments or opportunities go past, so I try to share the ones that I have.

I hope you will take a moment to look up Like, Share and Follow.

Victim Blaming

Published February 15, 2019 by helentastic67

Victim Blaming

There is a weird form of victim blaming, I believe I suffer from, just because I have an ABI. Now, I’m not talking about the version I get all the time of the looks that tell me I’ve somehow bought this predicament upon myself, but the one where something goes missing from my home and I suspect a carer to have helped herself.

Not my fault

My mum will grill me in a form of interrogation, that perhaps I didn’t have it where I thought I had left something.

Interrogation

Do I know when I used it last? Yes, I have an example: –

Earlier this year my Japanese designed letter opener which, while plastic was in the design of a fish. While not expensive, it took a lifetime to find and as it was really ‘neat’ I kept it on my bookcase, o I didn’t have to go looking for it. I could go to the bookcase, hold the letters I wanted to open between my hip and the desk, one-handed, I could use the letter opener with great efficiency then put it back on the bookcase.

bookcase

Job Done.

Job Done

Question Time

Published January 4, 2019 by helentastic67

question time

Question Time

If you are not at all familiar with ABI/TBI or even disability, let me give you a very simple piece of advice. Never, ever, ever bombard someone with questions without time to answer. Actually, that’s relevant to decent human behaviour, however it’s even more important to people with an ABI or simply a disability.

one question at a time

Now, I’m very lucky I think and process quickly, however it’s not normal for anybody with a brain injury.

My mum has been known to ask a question when helping me move house and by the second question, I answer with a further “Yes, No, No, Yes, No” and she will ask “what are they for?” to which I inform her “Your next three questions. We laugh and all is well.

answer mums question

However, it’s common someone else I’m related to who doesn’t spend much time with me will throw a question at me. (Note; How I’ve kept writing this topic? Because what the hell, my family don’t read my blog anyway.) I suspect that’s common for a lot of bloggers.

stupid question

Moving into an apartment has meant over the winter I will need to rely on a clothes dryer to get things dry and I don’t have one. I’ve already upgraded my washing machine to a brand-new front loader, so I use less water and it spins better. I now need a dryer which will sit directly on top.

washer dryer

‘Someone’ stated to me. “You probably don’t need one.” Then proceeded to attempt to convince me I could visit a laundromat and rather than wait for me to explain how that just couldn’t work, I am assaulted with reasoning and assaulted with reason’s why going to the laundromat with a pile of clothes, towels, sheets, heavy blankets (they wouldn’t go in the dryer).

laurndromat

Eventually, when this person paused to take a breath, I pointed out I would injure my back carrying a plastic tub of heavy damp items. In reality, I would have trouble getting it out of my apartment as the door is heavy and awkward.

apartment door 1

I would need to put it down to dig out my swipe card to use in the lift. Again, putting down my laundry basket (these days a square plastic cube) and picking it up again. Once on the ground floor, I have to press a button to close the entrance door, then get the door open, pick up the cube and get outside.

laundry basket

Did I mention, I use a walking stick when out? Do I need to finish describing the ludicrous mess (is that a word) of that suggestion?

walking stick 1

Sometimes, family will do their very best to convince you of another way so you don’t need to spend that money. They don’t need to help you do ‘that’ thing and then they don’t feel inadequate or pressed to fit you in their lives.

family assistance

It’s great to be loved.

to be loved

Favourite Things

Published December 14, 2018 by helentastic67

Favourite things

Favourite Things

I would think this would be common for all people with an ABI, but people don’t realise the emphasis and importance on ‘sleep’.

Importance of sleep

So, I seriously think my top five favourite things would be;

Sleep
Sleep
Sleep
Sleep
Sleep

Sleep

Ok, but seriously, in no particular order.

Sleep
Food
Cooking
Coffee/cup of tea
TV

No Particular order

Oh, I know I cheated, putting two together, but I had to keep room for having a cat, which still didn’t fit.

Having a cat

Looking back over my life, the way I often dealt with stressful times, I would sleep.

Life

Damn it and internet.

Internet

When Disability Becomes Embarrassing – Part 2

Published September 21, 2018 by helentastic67

When Disability Becomes Embarrassing Part 2

When Disability Becomes Embarrassing – Part 2

WTF!

And he thrust a microphone into my face and had sweet Jesus! What just happened?

I looked at Stacey and pointed a finger at her saying “I’ll kill you later!”

I'm gonna kill you

I think she already realised her error. Fred would learn later the following day. Sometimes I’m very grateful I think quickly on my feet, quite literally and despite my ABI I have not been slowed down too much.

Quick Wit

Oh, Fred had or myself, I can’t recall, had suggested all those single guys looking for love to stand up.

Looking for love

Are you feeling my pain right now?

I started to speak and address the room. I asked for all the guys with an ABI or anyone not with-in a stones throw of Melbourne to have a seat. I explained I have an ABI and I couldn’t for see two people with brain injuries residing under the same roof successfully as I have proven on more than one occasion and as I would eventually like to see a relationship, I am in the future to be.

Dating

I confess to say; many seats were taken and the room got rather still and quiet again. I finished my ‘forced’ situation by saying “being single and dating with an ABI/disability is not easy.”

Dating isn't easu

I think I thanked everyone for participating in the brief experiment. I handed back the microphone to Fred who looked a little deflated.

Deflated

He announced again, that there were single ladies at our table if anyone wanted to come and introduce themselves. Some did.

Introduce yourselves

And that someone was someone I knew from the ABI GROUP I WENT TO IN Melbourne. Now, he doesn’t live in Melbourne, he walked around the table and delivered all the hot chicks (OK that’s exaggerating) a business card.

Business cards