Problem Solving

Published August 19, 2024 by helentastic67

Problem Solving

Sometimes, family that don’t spend time together, having to work on a problem together helps form bonds.

Once upon a time, the first time I moved house after my disability and after my removalist cancelled five hours after he was to have started the job, by which time when he rang me to tell me he’d had to go to hospital and I would have preferred to have heard from his next of kin to tell me he had DIED.

My Mum, then early sixties and me one-handed, arrived at my new home to find my bed had not been put together by my removalists. To their credit, it wasn’t actually their job to put things together and I had been warned because when I was contacted for payment, they told me they had eventually given up and left because they didn’t want to waste my money. In both of our defence mum and I were both exhausted. Mum with upper back problems, me with recent lower back disc bulge surgery, we walked in the door and mum had already decided I would sleep on my mattress on the floor.

Not far from the front door I went to my bedroom door, took about two seconds to assess and problem solve what the men had not managed to work out. “The base is the wrong way around!” Mum literally dismissed this and told me I could sleep on the floor. I, however, was not going to make this bed twice, nor make her. I should probably mention, my bed was made by my dad, a builder, or a carpenter (a Chippy!) back when I was twenty-four-ish. It’s a timber Sleigh Bed. Although wisely at the time he convinced me to not shave the foot of the bed as tall as the bed head. Half the bedrooms that bed has been in, I’ve not been able to move around even three sides of the bed. Even the bedroom I have now, getting down the end of the bed to my ensuite, I hover to go sideways and my bedroom door does NOT close. So, the base of my bed is a slat base, I’ve recently described it as glued and screwed and built into a sturdy box, so it doesn’t move. Even twenty-five plus years later.

I encouraged mum to push boxes with heavy art books in them across the floor to put under the timber mattress. I helped and using only four or five, it took the weight of the base. I wriggled the foot of the bed and leaned it against the wall. We both pulled just a fraction on the base to detach it from the bed head, leaning that also against the other wall. We then carefully replaced the base, reattached the bed head then perfectly slotting the foot back onto the base. All the bolt holes matched. I recall we were both spent but I was determined. I think mum left me to sort the bolts. Fair, wriggling on the carpet to each corner then two bolts into the middle of the centre of the base into the bed head. With the shifter to tighten and it was done.

Jokes and Things

Published June 3, 2024 by helentastic67

Jokes and Things

My family, two sisters, their partners and I have a group chat like many families do, currently the chat is thick and fast due to the process and impending deadline of emptying our father’s home to sell. Yeah, it’s that’s time already.

I’ve obviously not been there much at all and it’s a few hours away plus I don’t drive, if anyone was wondering? I knew my older sister was going to be there this week to arrange real estate, etc for selling, styling, emptying. Etc.

Just want to remind people, I found a home for the weird and prolific meerkats that were hidden around the living spaces. That was a feat, but I actually rehomed them to a young carer I had while I’d been there. OMG they made her so happy, well pleased.

Now that I think about it, I should have hidden one behind a bush in the garden as a momento to see if anyone noticed.

So, I digress, my sister’s long road trip and imminent arrival, she messaged that she could pick up coffees for my younger sister’s partner, then by extension, my younger sister as they have been living there and my sister was working from home this particular day as the internet and phones were down at her work. It’s context and necessary. Coffee orders settled, and there’s nothing like being excluded by not being included. I know I wasn’t there, but thought I’d humorously add my presence, I wrote “I’ll get my coffee!” You know when you know they won’t appreciate your humour. I added, “My carer just laughed!” Nothing! Just dead air!

It’s always worth a try right.

Baby Shower and the Job of the Weird Aunt

Published March 4, 2024 by helentastic67

Baby Shower and the Job of the Weird Aunt Present

Went to a baby toy shop today. I know, didn’t think you would ever read about this in hellonwheels did you? Didn’t think I would write about it either. I’m 51 years old, a single barren spinster. Not all of these things by choice but here we are. Just in case you are new here.

I’ve never been invited to a baby shower before now, so it’s nice to be included, my younger cousin is due in March and I’ve been included so its lovely. So, alas, I visited a cute baby toy shop in Carlton today. My girl Wednesday (25) is into dinosaurs and found the six dinosaurs in moments, but I spotted to fake tattoo’s. I win that one, I think. A previous Girl-Friday had recommended the shop as her friend owns it. I’d seen it over the years but never had a reason to go. Until now.

The first step inside, a young child in a pusher blocked the way, said child having been strategically placed there to watch the turtle in the tank. I mean it. Its name was Guppy. I asked.

My ovaries hurt, I mean the toys, all the cuter teddies, soft toys I’ve seen young children with when out and about. Now I know where they come from. What? My ovaries still mourn not having babies, but then I hear a young baby scream in a supermarket because they have discovered how loud they can be and how much attention they can get from strangers in public and my ovaries dry right up again.

I’ve been saying for some years when asked if I would have a baby, I refer to my abdomen in general with a sweeping motion and state, “She’s suffered enough!” Let alone that I’m on the edge of the Pause so that’s not an incentive to throw caution to the wind and smash one out to Complete Me.

It’s still a case of, meet the right guy, have enough time to get to know if they are mentally unhinged or not, then have enough time just being “Us”. Then the baby stuff. And I’ve failed to mention before now, the diagnosis I received during the Covid crazy days of I’ve got Endometriosis. So, would I likely struggle to get pregnant even if I was trying too? Don’t answer that. She’s still suffered enough.

So, I bought a few very cute things today, and I even got a 1st birthday gift because I couldn’t leave it behind. It’s also going to be for grandad, my uncle to put together because it’s one of those see but don’t touch gifts. What? If you have been in one of those places, you will understand.

I’m hoping to sharpen my skills as the weird Aunty Helen. Why is she always pinching my cheeks and talking about the war?

Just an FYI, officially this baby will be my second cousin. Of which I have even some third cousins, but they have grown up and live interstate to me. So, here we are Weird Aunt ready for duty.

Ladies Day

Published January 8, 2024 by helentastic67

Ladies Day

Yesterday, I had to decide about whether to bother putting on a bra or not. This is generally half the part of Adulting, bra and shoes means I’m going out. As you well know, yesterday was a Sunday and I don’t do Adulting on Sundays, I didn’t even go out. I’m not talking about Out-Out. I just mean leave my apartment.

As you might have gathered my birthday last October set the tone for both Christmas and New Year. So, I planned a Ladies High Tea.

Lunch thing with my Real Family and that’s my carers. All my carers bring me a little something different. They bring me stories, family, friends, and treats. And I share their stories between each of them. Yet they rarely encounter each other. I share their stories as I am the water fountain in the office tearoom and I’m the holder of the peer support opportunities. So, it was finally a chance to hold a Ladies Lunch.

I even pulled out the Fine Bone China and the French Gourmet Side Plates. We started with the savoury. Homemade sausage rolls, triple cheese croquettes, arancini balls, even cheese and spinach and some other pastry things. The sweets included the ginger Christmas pudding I had yet to get to, the chocolate and orange Christmas pudding, the scones one of the ladies bought to go with the hot jam donut a friend hand delivered before Christmas, with whipped cream. Ginger kisses and the brandy snaps I didn’t get to over Christmas. (These are still uneaten in the fridge) I have been chipping away at the contents of the fridge for weeks and alas, still not getting anywhere.

One lovely lady dug around in my fridge for something, I had to direct her to the crisper. FYI. That’s the section or drawer at the bottom designed for fruits and vegetables, or in my home the containers of things that don’t fit anywhere else. Then when the girls were all departing the mother-load Brownies were still in the crisper. Guess we know what I’ll be sharing out for the next few weeks.

Finally, I should mention my carer in the morning did point out, I didn’t need to bother with the bra since they had all seen it before. Great to be roasted by people that know me the best.

I did wear a coloured T-shirt the girls wouldn’t normally see me in. I bought a few cheap T’s this early and I wouldn’t go past an aqua/teal tee that was everywhere in the men’s section of Big W. I don’t go there often, but it’s where I get my standard black summer pants.

It’s after midnight as I’m tapping this out on my iPad and not long ago, I realised some gifts remain under my tree. A particular carer had been working her other job and it had been too busy to get away. I had suggested I could call in a bomb threat, but we all know I was kidding. There are plenty of treats saved for all the others that could not make it. Note, the gingerbread house one carer delivered before Christmas She said it took five people to make it. It’s going to take more than that to eat it.

So, however you spend your time with family sometimes the people that love, respect and take the time to understand you are not the ones related to you by blood and as a few of my invited guests had not been able to attend I would say, I definitely want to make this a more regular event.

Being One-Handed

Published January 9, 2023 by helentastic67

Being One Handed

I must confess, I sometimes really love it when people take a moment to realise, I’m ONE-HANDED. Over Christmas I was at a small family gathering, which is to say, they have not spent much time around me since my disability/or disabilities.

We were doing a BBQ dinner and cutlery was scares. I confess, the knife is lost on me these days, I asked my cousin to my left to hold the skewer while I used my fork to pull the meat off the skewer. I tried, after a moment, she offered to do both. On my left, my younger sister reached over with her knife and fork to cut up a snag on my plate.

SNAG! Not just a Sensitive New Age GUY! But another name for a sausage.

A great Aussie line is “a BBQ isn’t a BBQ without a sausage!” and when my cousin came back sit down, cutlery was in very short supply. I offered my knife, still clean and untouched. I had to insist, holding my fork in my right hand and suggesting she had a few seconds to work out as to why I didn’t need the knife.

I explained who had helped me and how. When they got it, they got it pretty quickly and I gave them a smile as if to express, ‘It is what it is’. What can I do? Which made it ok that they hadn’t realised these are the simple things.

It has been strange spending time with family who in the last fifteen years haven’t been around me to know all the day to day things about my disabilities.

I know, despite the multi-layered name of my blog I haven’t covered it much. Mostly because, I’m one-handed and thankfully naturally right-handed, so I’ve just gotten on with stuff.

Often, even immediate family I need to remind them of things I just don’t do and this makes me pretty fucking grumpy.

Who thought I’d wrap this blog post up without uttering a swear word?
Not I!

On a Happier Note

Published November 21, 2022 by helentastic67

On a Happier Note

Had such miserable posts of late, but here’s a little something amusing that comes from family spending time together even for the shittiest reasons.

Five ladies taking up residents in my father’s home. We all do our coffee a different way. My sister’s partner on the percolator to make sure everyone had their “Medicine” (as I call it) when they needed it. One morning, well around 10am, I walked past my older sister throwing her a simple question that required little thought to answer. She stood holding her coffee cup asking if I had dared to ask her a question before her morning coffee. My younger sister looked empathetic towards her plight, even though she only has one coffee every day. I told her fair enough and she could get back to me after her coffee.

I later explained to the marker of coffee, “I like to start the day with my natural enthusiasm for life! But I need to have medicine towards the end of the afternoon to get through the rest of the day!”

I think it’s a bit ironic considering I spend every morning looking stoned and I’ve never even smoked a cigarette. Definitely not getting into the Mary Jane.

The bringer of coffee and I got a coffee the day after my father’s funeral at a fantastic cafe/coffee roaster in my hometown and while there we bought a supply of roasted beans. The worker in the café were really good at the customer service, that such roles require, offering us all the different kinds of beans available. I really wanted to suggest, “give us the one for, I’ve had too much Sake last night Asking for a friend.” It wasn’t me driving the porcelain bus at 7am the day after, but enough said.

Hope you get the Up’s and Downs in life right now and can hang in there for me to return to normal programming. Must I remind followers. Please hit Like.

Noelle will be impressed she can post on the Monday, so things are getting back on track, I aim to please.

The Other Worst Week Ever

Published October 26, 2022 by helentastic67

The Other Worst Week Ever

So, this is the last post with the subliminal message, has anyone picked it yet or even noticed? Please comment.

So, last week was the dreaded week of my father’s funeral, worst day ever. First piece of advice, someone offers you tissues. TAKE THEM!!!

Even though I had a friend, who saw my support person handing me a tissue every other minute, it wasn’t enough.

All the talks-talks, song, light candle stuff for which you think takes forever, it’s over before you know it and I was almost left behind. I did the walk out metres behind his coffin and tried badly to not rush, while desperate not to do the ugly cry. You know the cry where you at least want to bury your face in a hand, so no one witnesses it. You know I use a walking stick in my one good hand right? Yeah, not helpful.

The Funeral Home director asked if I could walk over to the cemetery or if I would need to go over in a car. Wisely, I said yes, car please. He had not been offering me a lift but if I had not been helped into the front passenger seat of the hearse, I would have been left behind. Lovely driver Phil made small talk to take my mind off things. I tried to sell him Dad’s car. But alas, dad no longer has the Valiant Charger in Vitamin C orange. So, that was a fail.

With all the love and respect in the world, if I ever hear the song by Bette Midler, The Rose it will be TOO FUCKING SOON! Jesus Wept!

Second piece of advice, when trying not to do ugly cry, try breathing in and out of your mouth. Not saying it worked, but it felt like it helped. Lastly, my family gave me the awards Best Worst Ugly Cry and Best Worst Timed Ugly Nose Blow. Charming, no.

The night of the funeral we had a pool party with our cousins around catching up and playing pool. I have cousins I’ve not seen for 30 years. And the most common memory was dad teaching everyone how to hammer in nails into a small off cut of pine. One cousin who has become a builder wants dads hammer, but I have already laid claim to it. What! I think we made dad proud that night.

His house felt like a home because it previously felt like someone had been merely existing there. We will be there for this upcoming Christmas, so I imagine dad watching over us as he promised. I might convince a carer one day to hold a nail for me while with half the necessary eyesight I smack in the nail in the triple tap technique my dad used. I’ll explain that better another time.

On Sunday, two days later I received the award of 1st Caligiuri Daughter to surface and be reasonably functionable. The household likes to start the day with coffee. I made the statement I prefer to start the day with my own natural energy and you should all be aware I’m NOT A MORNING PERSON. I need to end the day with my Medicine (coffee) so I can get through the rest of the day.

I guess all the family dysfunction we put off dealing with for one day in the future comes to the foreground when the passing of a loved one happens. Now we have to deal with all of that too. While grieving.

A friend shared a perfect statement with me today “The Price of Love is Grief”

I know this is not a happy post, but I’ll try better next week when I reveal the reason for the subliminal messages.

The Passing of Time

Published April 25, 2022 by helentastic67

The Passing of Time

Sometimes, time passes, not by anything big that happens in my life, but by the absence of people in my life. Despite, Covid blasting 2020 to hell, Australia started the year in flames (the bushfires) and I don’t spend Christmas 2019 with any of my family, so due to Covid, any of the reasons we would normally get together during the year, they normally travel to Melbourne as it’s central to both outlying parties, but we would normally do a nice exciting lunch, etc. This did not happen in 2020.

But the people who are really my family these days, are my carers. I know, you may think I’m always banging on about my carers, that’s because I see them more. They are consistent in my every day and they see the effort and subtle changes around my home as I maintain my independence.

And sometimes, what they do makes the passing of time for me. One of my carers during Covid took leave for 12 weeks. 12 friggin weeks!

To do a course via Zoom!

“Zoom” The other plague of 2020, I’ve had 1–2-hour meetings of which I’ve found to be torturous. She’s been doing 9-5pm. Just kill me now. KM!!!KM!! KM!!! KM!!!KM!!!

The first few weeks, her two shifts were covered and she picked up my Sunday shift. I sent her off with some foodie goodness to help lighten her load. I told her after zooming all day she would not be interested in cooking. When she was at the ten-week mark, I was happiest for her because the whole living by zoom thing. And before you know it, she’s only had three weeks left.

So, it’s odd I guess, I don’t have children, which is a busy way to fill your time. I don’t work, which if you’ve ever had to live by a three-month contract timeframe. Three-month contracts, it’s long enough to cause you financial burdens, but not long enough to plan a holiday or big experience, etc.

So, for me, time passes one day after another, after another and it’s FULL of all the appointments, the meetings, the planning for the bigger procedures throughout the year.

A few lunches with friends, maybe out to dinner once or twice and a once yearly comedy event.

You know those posts, I’m sure I covered all the things, but I don’t know how to finish. I am exhausted by all the things that pass time and don’t have the strength or nutrition to improve the things that help me pass the time, but still. Fuck you Covid!

The end.

Welcoming in 2022

Published January 3, 2022 by helentastic67

Welcoming in 2022

So I guess it’s time to say a belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, so I suggest as 2022 starts I’m going to make a New Year’s resolution. A simple one and that is to better be able to decipher my own handwriting. As I’ve been one-handed for over 10 years now, I’ve started to develop carpal tunnel so I think this year will be getting much-needed carpel tunnel surgery. Imagine this means ill have no hands for a bit. A week if all goes well. To be continued.

January, I learnt years ago, that it is really hard is achieve anything in the Disability sector. So now I just have learned to relax and take time off. Not racing around trying to fit everything in, is a holiday in itself. So much still to do, including the now overdue Ladies Lunch with the Ladies in my family for our Christmas get together. Yeah, I know! Someone recently said, “You get together once a year with family for Christmas and realise why you don’t bother to see them during the year” Yes, a comedian, of course. Covid hasn’t made it any easier, but I think the less time we spend with family the less we have in common and the less we understand how to best communicate.

So, Christmas day I had a migraine because well I don’t get a day off from having migraines.
A friend came over for an hour to set up some tech and three days, later he told me he had to isolate and get tested for Covid-19 he was fine but he was very stressed about the two people he’s going to spend some time with on Christmas Day.

It is summer in Melbourne, I don’t tell many people I am spending Christmas alone, it is better to not disclose this until after the fact. It doesn’t help when people give you lots of pity, for some people spending Christmas at home alone is better than all the alternatives. In my case staying at home means I get Carers from my normal agencies, I don’t lose my independence and it is easier to deal with being alone rather than spending time in someone else’s home and spending time alone.

The best time on my balcony as my Hot Chocolate Calla Lillie’s are in bloom.

A special mention to the anonymous person/ ‘s who gifted me my new iPhone 13. I’ve been learning new things. And hopefully I’ll get better at doing things Hands-Free. Briefly.

So, going forward please stay safe. Covid, sorry the Plague, is still kicking our asses, so be mindful, we don’t get to celebrate and have big parties (Plague-spreading events) just because we fear another Lockdown. Melbourne holds first place for the most to date. (6) Not something to be proud of. But here we are.

Family

Published April 26, 2021 by helentastic67

Family

Family is a beautiful and evil thing when you have a disability and life in general, I often feel like my contribution is undervalued or thing’s I could do to contribute to get together’s, it’s assumed I would break things rather than help.

At most Christmas gatherings, I offer to help because I want to be apart of things and not feel like a freeloader, but it becomes easier to stay out of the way and come in later to pack and unpack the dishwasher. I may offer to hand wash (carefully) some things that don’t go into the dishwasher and I’m told very quickly “NO” like I might smash the Fine Bone China cups and saucers.

No, I will not, I hope to inherit a share of those one day. Three daughters, is cups, saucers and cake plates. So, no would definitely not smash them.