All posts tagged Naked

Ink Blot

Published April 11, 2022 by helentastic67

Ink Blot!

There are these posts that I put off writing because I never want someone who knows me in real life to look me in the eye and quote any part of it and while I could start this post different ways, here’s how it is.

You know those days a friend off loads all their shit and drama on you within five minutes of walking in the door? No? Just me then?

Well, I’m just warning people the next time this happens, I may cut them off with this. If you get through the day and you didn’t end up in your ensuite with your pants down around your ankles, your Thundies around your knees with poo (You heard me) on them and your face on the floor in the corner.

Oh, both shoes off, your AFO still half on (Being the reason you fell off the toilet in the first place) and this is the clincher. An ink blot poo stain on your floor and poo on the wall (still not sure how that got there), then you have what we call first world problems. Sometimes a friend will tell me, ‘Oh Helen, everyone has problems.’

From now on I will direct them to the above highlighting ‘ink blot’. It’s a great image, isn’t it? If you’re not sure what it is, it’s the weird prints on the wall in a shrinks’ office walls, clients (sorry) ask “what is that anyway?” and the shrink returns, “It’s whatever you think it is.”

Usual answers

“Oh! It’s 2 people making love”
Or “It’s a butterfly”
Or “2 cows”

There’s nothing worse than being on the floor in a compromising position and having to work through what you must do in order to get up. That’s that!

I need to eventually roll over onto my right, straight onto my ass, naked ass, I will add, knowing exactly how cold that would be and then wriggle over to the hand basin. More wriggling, onto my knees, right elbow on hand basin then after pulling the second strap off my AFO, try to wiggle my left foot behind me and lever myself up.

Mostly, my right side leads on these adventures and I demand my left leg eventually pulls some weight. Add Pine O’ Clean, toilet cleaner/Napisan and Sard stain treatment, clean Thundies and pants and some serious cleaning in Aisle 2 (Don’t overthink it!) and I’m upright and ready to face the day.

Yeah! This happens to be the best of us and if someone tells you this kind of story, don’t pardon the pun – It’s pretty shitty.

I once had a carer arrive on a Saturday morning and when she saw my ensuite she asked, “What happened here?”

I’m telling you, I cleaned the bathroom, so there was no evidence of what had transpired in there the night before. I explained and to say it was of some similarity to the above and she asked, “Did you just sit on the floor and cry?”

I’m not saying you don’t want to, but it doesn’t help. You gotta plan your attack, do what you have to do to get up/get cleaned up/clean up the bathroom and get dressed.

If all you can do is get into bed to sleep off the trauma, you should. But sitting on the floor in self-pity doesn’t help.


Hot off the Press – 24th July 2017

Published July 24, 2017 by helentastic67

Hot of the Press

Hot off the Press!

Very happy that I’ve followed through on my commitment to provide a current snapshot of Life with Hellonwheels. Going to guesstimate it’s now 2 months.

In recent weeks, I’ve attempted to make a serious commitment to get to bed early. You will already be aware I am NOT a morning person, unless it’s between 12am and 2am! So, attempting to set a realistic achievable goal of 1am, I failed every night the first week, although, if 1.04am, I consider that a win! The last four nights I’ve managed to get into bed before 1am and I can’t wait to get an eye roll from Ms Jillian tomorrow for my monthly head-check. I will get lots of steps on my pedometer to more than make up for it.

Early night

Have had a very busy week and while I usually see my lovely Young John at least three times a week, he’s off to Greece today for at least five weeks with his wife Young Betty.


As he never charges me, so I have to consider realistically which of my appointments I can live without. I now need to taxi ($$$) to appointments or rug up and walk to the tram and cater to the fact that I will get wet. I can’t use both my walking stick and an umbrella.

We are over the halfway point in winter in Melbourne but this is the wettest part of winter and the start of Spring.

Thinking to do like a bear and hibernate. Plenty of TV to watch, currently watching some Hawaii 5 Oh! To trick myself into thinking it’s not so cold. It’s not working.


Oh, the start of the week saw my mum here for about 24 hours. This week both my parents celebrated their birthdays. 68 and 69, I think. Young compared to many of my friend’s parents.

Happy birthday

Visited the pet shop again to check on Ralph’s fate. He had been adopted the day before and another cat had also come and found a new home. Another to arrive that day and still no new fur-child for me. Sad face. But the trip to the pet shop revealed there will be a Cat Lounge opening in August in a neighbouring suburb. FYI: Lounge presumably is a fancy name for a cafe, in a suburb I wouldn’t consider fancy. But until I move and/or get my new fur-child I foresee myself being a regular visitor.

Fur baby

The drama of finding carers has continued. Last Monday I went to the top and sent a polite but brief text to the CEO (what? He told me I could call him!) and within an hour I received an email of my roster. So, definitely doing that again.

Still adding to the mental list of how many carers have seen me naked. The least favourite thing about having and needing carers to do the most simple and mundane of tasks. I’ve decided to cancel four of my FP (food preparation) shifts this week. I need a break from the rostering nightmare and staff changes. If I have to micromanage someone I might as well do it myself. If it’s something I can’t do one-handed it can wait.


Still no new shoes to speak of. Starting to get murderous thoughts at the powers that be ‘getting in my way’.

The NDIS is supposed to be life changing. Then why do I have blisters on my toes? Less travel assistance and I am forced to trim my own fingernails on my left hand until I butcher them as I don’t know how short I cut them until they hurt! My chiropractor put my rib back in and it was bruised for days yet, that was something my CM decided warranted an incident report to assist me getting my monthly chiropractor bill covered. Here’s hoping.


Lastly, my anniversary White Tail Spider bite flare up has returned. So, it’s as itchy as hell and the skin peeling is about to start again.

White Tail spider

Oh, I got through three comics this week and also filed away the ones I’ve read this year. Going to need a new achieve box soon. I’ll try to read a few more comics before I make my next pilgrimage to the comic shop. I do this every three months.


To a less chaotic week ahead!

Have a great week

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