Analogies

Published April 21, 2025 by helentastic67

Analogies

My brain is very busy with analogy’s today, it’s either a good or a terrible day to blog. So, we will see how it goes. You probably want an analogy now? You can wait.

I present really well for someone who’s had a brain injury for fifty-two-years. My carers tell me this all the time, because we discuss that in person, people are oblivious to what’s going on behind the scenes. But, in reality what’s going on up “there” feels like a bag of rattlesnakes. Thats 1 (Analogy delivered!)

I wonder if people realise there are days up “there” is like having five people with ABI’s, five people with depression or anxiety and five people on the spectrum in a room. Shaken and stirred, rather like the rattle snakes in a bag, right? And I suggest, within a few hours the room above will look like some kind of mass casualty has occurred. Think blood, trauma. Mass casualties, I realise, for many this is going way too far. But I’m making a point.

Up “there!” in my brain, there is so much chaos. Just anarchy, and I know it’s happening.
I just can’t stop it. It’s so busy I just try to get through the tasks as best as possible leaving as few people scathed as possible.

This is why people like me spend a lot of time self-isolating. It’s why we coped (apparently) better during the quarantining during Covid. It’s also, why we noticed how other people didn’t cope well during Covid. When I isolate too much, then when I do go out my brain is like “Oh my God! Look at all the thongs, the food, the people.

There are a people. What do you do? What are you peopling? Can I people with you? Let’s people together. Yes, we can.

Now, that is clearly an example. But we saw it a lot during the plague. Walking past chemists where I’d see a person behind the counter getting peopling, full blast by a customer out being around people for the first time in days. The staff members eyes flick out to notice if anybody out there that could save them. Is this even really happening? Am I the only one seeing this right now? Can somebody help me? And all of that is happening up there and on the outside, its Calm! Calm! Calm!

Everybody act calm and then, I think this is why I gift people treats a lot. It’s a reward, sure. But it’s my way of saying, you put up with my “Crazy!”

Later, I may stay away for a bit, so you miss me. Because you nipped at me and hurt my feelings. I try to bring a little funny, a little sass to everyone every day. But sometimes, others have too much owing on and it falls short. But this is why when I hand over a little love, I mean it.

Sh*t Experience at the Melbourne Internation Comedy Festival

Published April 15, 2025 by helentastic67

Shit toilet experiences at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival

In general, this topic would live outside that of the festival, but it could definitely be its own blog. Frustratingly, these experiences are far from rare. I’m part way through my festival events for this year despite my lack of time to write and post about it but at times you have to, live when the opportunities exist, write, recuperate and replenish spoons over the hibernation of winter months to come.

Last night I saw two comedy shows very carefully booked, curated and logistically arranged by my event booking genius carer who is one of my heavy hitter admin chicks.

My first show was at the Arts Centre to see Danny Bhoy. I saw him the last time he was here as after my father’s passing back in late 2022, I decided the comedians I always wanted to see I would just start doing it.

Since making that decision, I’ve prioritised not only Danny Buoy, but Kitty Flanagan. Nath Valvo and Ivan Aristeguieta. To name a few and my accessible toileting experiences are always super not fun.

The Arts Centre despite the beautiful venue, the helpful staff, the frosted glass doors to the accessible toilet on the third floor closest to the ticket booking office, I locked the door, checked it. Locked it again, checked it, again. Ah, success.

Removed my cuff and collar, my bag, walking stick, and hoodi top. I know, over sharing and obviously my pants, to use the facilities, to do what I was there to for. I heard an older lady’s voice! “Here! Come in here!” and the door opened. Like I had not locked it. Now, I had hung my bag on the door handle which would not interfere with the lock, I might have thought could be seen through the frosting. Should someone bother to look. At least I was not mid-poo or mid-wipe. I had just managed to get a few single ply tissue squares from the selfish T.P. Dispenser. More importantly, the door remained open in this awkward unnecessary social INTERACTION.

It’s odd that the elderly love to imagine the accessible toilets are their domain and only theirs. I think they see me on their throne as a young person. Thank you! And not in need to use these toilets. I actually had to ask her to close the door with a polite “Do you mind?” It was more than she deserved considering the length of time she stood staring at me unsure how to solve this social quagmire.

I guess I should follow up this incident with an email to the venue, or just forward them this post when it goes live.

After this show, a short walk, a tram for two stops and another short walk to our next destination a toilet stop, this toilet had an ambulance toilet although I didn’t realise until I was ready to depart. I had used the lady’s facilities this time as I can often do and will. If that porcelain had been any lower to the floor, I might not have made it up again.

The second comedy show this time at the Melbourne Town Hall. To see our very own Ivan Aristeguieta. OK, He isn’t originally ours but, he’s seriously Australian now. He migrated from Venezuela thirteen years ago and originally settled in Adelaide. He divorced and had in the last year married one of ours. So, he’s ours now. It’s hilarious to see our culture through the eyes of a new Aussie.

This is my fourth time seeing his show in the ten years he’s performed here. Wish I’d been able to meet him at the meet and greet he announced he was doing. My friend sadly departed after my last bathroom experience as he had a train to get to home.

My second bathroom experience, younger people more prominent in the audience but not completely I chose to check out the accessible bathroom. Lock. Tick. Hook on wall, tick and toilet not close to the floor. Tick! However, things fell apart a little when I encountered the again “selfish” paper dispenser. Or it could have just been the previous occupant as I could not for the life of me find the end of the roll. I hate those big commercial toilet roll dispensers that have the ability to not be so big they either hold two rolls with the plastic sliding thing to allow access to the other roll or there is a big roll that allows them to not replace it for days. I don’t know, it’s nice that they think it’s not important to check. I checked my boob-pocket for a tissue and would have made do. But alas, I had neglected to stash one for such emergencies and I was forced to frustratingly continue with the roll. Eventually, leaving a shredded confetti protest on the floor after managing the squares I’d required.

At least on this occasion I’d not had an audience. I can’t decide which was the better experience.

Bring on winter so I can make like a bear and hibernate.

R.I.P. D5

Published March 24, 2025 by helentastic67

R.I.P. D5

I would suggest this is happening too often already. You would think fifty-two years old, would be considered middle age as I don’t know I’m going to make it to one hundred and four years old, nor would I want to. However, people I love are falling off the perch already and it’s too soon. If you don’t know, falling off the perch is the elderly term for dying.

Apart from the passing in late 2022 of my father’s death and the recent departure of a very close friend, she’s not dead just not in my weekly routine anymore. I learnt a week ago a friend from my clubbing days in my twenties had passed. He worked for me back in the day.

I think we bonded because we were from a similar part of the Victorian countryside. While I moved to Melbourne at nineteen to study and work, he moved to Melbourne without the same kind of plan. Not in place anyway. When I asked him why, he responded with “I looked around and just said No!” with a little shake of his head. Like me it was just an instinct to get the fuck outta town.

Around 2000 I had moved back to the country, not born in my hometown but to a more isolated community where my mum and younger sister had moved to. I needed a lift to town and a V-Line bus to go anywhere further. It was hard.

Every few months I’d get back to Melbourne and couch surf for a few days, to go clubbing and catch up with as many people as possible. Going to clubs was the easiest way.

Standing in a goth club I heard this song, looking around at how many people were dancing and not recognizing it, I found D5 close by and he asked that I didn’t know who it was. I was like, “No! I’m living back in the country where you get fuck all exposure to new music” let along anything else. This song will always remind me of him.

I guess a warning might be in order. But the beat is really good.

I’m sure for most it will be a lot, but her wiki page is interesting, if you dare. If you don’t follow my blog for a little different, you are in the wrong place. Teaches of Peaches – Wikipedia

So, around the time of my fiftieth birthday, I sent D5 an invite for my gathering in case he thought to join. My father had passed earlier that month and for years we had drifted, but I always send him a birthday text as he was born on Valentines Day. Bit hard to forget that one.

He came to my birthday and we caught up a few times, I cooked him dinner, my single girl dinner reminiscent from my twenties and that Christmas he gave me a lift to my father’s house in my home town on the way to his hometown. So, we had a three-and-a-half-hour road trip to chat and for me to own the CD Player and have him guess what I’d put on.

Moments after he had left me at my dad’s there was a knock on the door. He was there holding up the black thumb cast for my trigger thumb. “Good luck thumbing a ride without that?” He was rather reserved and shy but when he shared his wit it was a treat for your soul.

While I didn’t see or hear from him often and there had been years in between when he had been married and doing his thing it was always a comfort to know he was out there walking the earth. He is survived by his twin and his cat.

He told me his marriage had ended like many during the Covid 19 lockdowns when couples were confronted with being around each other in close confines 24/7 apparently, they looked at each other and just both said No.

Now, alas, the world is bereft from his passing. He had chosen to fight his battle with cancer with only a small few aware this was his fate. He had told me he was dealing with something but not what. He was about seven years younger than me and the younger brother I never knew I needed. But our world forever better for the time he had been amongst us.

R.I.P. D5.

I am too young to be saying goodbye to friends

* D and the number there after referring to the number of Dave’s in the club days, I’ll cover that another day. D5 was a longstanding Dave and not to be undervalued despite not being D1- D6+ ceased to exist. Obviously, finishing today’s post without my regular cheer.

Circle Back to 2024 – Part 2

Published February 24, 2025 by helentastic67

Circle Back to 2024 Part 2

So, 2024 was weird also cause money became a huge topic and while I’ve always had an income from somewhere and five cents to my name it’s a weird space to find yourself in to have some actual money and options.

I wanted to blog about it last year but was up to my eyeballs in all the things, so had to let things play out and play catch up. This ergo-case-in-point is the catch up.

I guess, women of my generation, didn’t get educated about how to manage money. I’m Gen X remember. I did grow up with coins and handling money. My first paid job I picked up a yellow envelope with cash and coins in it. I had a paid job from around fifteen years old.

As an adult when you have household expenses you learn you need to have more coming in than going out. Sure, but on bigger expenses women my age was taught that we would marry and our husband would take care of it. Do you see me writing about a Husband? I have an Italian surname so it was largely assumed I would get a husband. Not bitter. Just making a point.

Some of the groups I’m in, some women will see and ask a friend who seems to manage her finances well and when asked she will be told “Oh, my husband does all of that!” So, it is to say I did consult a financial advisor. He’s in his late thirty’s, lovely man who I have not made proud. Yet. He wanted me to continue renting forever.

But as my next post will context women like myself when I reach sixty, are more than likely find themselves homeless. I’ve had to educate younger men on this topic.

I mean, C’mon! Do I have to do everything?

Karen and the Motorbike – Follow-up

Published January 13, 2025 by helentastic67

Karen and the Motorbike – Follow up

So, remember the previous post? Hellonwheels – Part 2 | Hell onWheels/Life One Handed Where a female Karen thoughtlessly parked their motorbike in front of my shed? Yeah! Like we could forget?

So, I posted those photos to a social media page. You know the one? I had created the page pre-covid to help people network/help each other etc in my apartment building.

When people consistently find themselves on the receiving end of pure selfishness, they post photos of the results of said selfish actions. As I did, only after texting the likely culprit.

Oh My God! Help Me! It got some response. I even sent texts to my actual property manager who contacted the OC, who contacted the tenants, then the tow truck company. And an hour later I got a grumpy rant on the group chat making it sound like she was the victim.

I then had to Admin the shit out of her inappropriate use of the group chat. As I had politely asked her directly, because I had correctly guessed it was her motorbike in front of my shed. She deciding to ignore my messages I then posted it to the group chat hoping to get a little swifter action.

The fact that she got very defensive and stated she had only stopped in for ten minutes and ended staying longer was all completely irrelevant to the fact she had ignored my basic right to have what she takes for granted.

Hellonwheels, allows me basic freedom to go some distances and do local appointments without needing to rely on others and do a little local Hunter/Gathering of items I can take up to and into my home one-handed.

Making me wonder how often she does this?

Merry Christmas to Everyone

Published December 23, 2024 by helentastic67

Wants and Needs

This post is likely ahead of the first five to ten I’ve only written in my head but here we go. I’ve been doing a lot of research lately for where I will be next living, for how long I can afford to live there or just live in general, If I can afford to travel, in other words have a holiday and can I finally afford furniture from my favourite shop, can I afford any or all of these things?

I now utter sentences that includes words like “my financial advisor.” and it’s weird. I’m getting more comfortable with it but it’s still weird.

Don’t for a heartbeat imagine I’m wealthy however, my father, God bless him, has allowed me to consider life could have potential and could be a little sweeter.

A wise woman suggested I work out how much I need for the furniture I want, potential travel and work backwards.

Furniture, Holiday, Forever home, Check.

I just consulted the website to my favourite furniture store and my antidepressants are not strong enough.

Calming My Mind

Published January 29, 2024 by helentastic67

Calming My Mind

Might be a surprise to know I once upon a time worked in Admin, I was that busy little admin person whose desk often looked like a bomb had hit it. My boss once wandered around to loiter around behind me. Bit like a Creeper. He seemed to be just checking out what the hell I had going on.

I had a splash back/divider between my desk and the next person and it was covered in lists, post-its. Sell kinds of things. The coral I had created around one desk so I could have layers of in and out trays. This boss I prompted this particular day with a grumpy “What!!!!!!” (Note, not. Question?) He dismissively expressed he’s not being impressed with what a mess my desk area was. I told him I knew where everything was, he only had to ask and I would put my hand on it. He disappeared and went back to his messy desk.

Occasionally during preparing for an audit another Satan member would pullout the clients files she had not been able to find. He would ask “Where is this file?” I would put one hand on my head, he would do this to take my hand off my mouse when he would “train me” how to do something on my computer so as not to put his hand on mine. And with my other hand I pointed to an overflowing in tray on his desk, he had neglected. The other colleague then mentioned the next four client files she’d been unable to locate. Again, hand upon head and the other pointing to his desk.

Later he would check the files, the referral, the notes and put post-its on each, then deposit them on my desk with instructions of who to contact, each potential host to send that client to that corresponding host to do their mutual obligation. Then, I would do the rest. I guess his desk was often an extension of mine.

Time for an Acronym.
MO, Mutual Obligation. Otherwise, known as Work for the dole. Damn it. Also known as WFD. We commonly nicknamed it Work for the coffee scroll.

On one occasion the Grumpy boss asked the office in general “What’s Frank’s number?”
I altered my sight of vision ever so slightly and read him out the number.
He had,
A) De-skilled.
B) Gotten lazy in remembering Frank’s Number.
C) He never questioned my messy desk again.

And before anyone feels they need to ask? Yes! I did feel like a trained monkey. I also could point out the location of his coffee mug to remind him where he had left it.

Yet, I’ve still not covered the post I had intended to write today. Always happens this way.

The Like

Published January 3, 2020 by helentastic67

The Like

Today, I thought I’d write about how I started blogging and the process I use to be a valuable contributing member in the WordPress community.

Now, I have been writing since I was a teenager, nothing worth saying, but writing extremely all the same, but I’ve been posting and blogging consistently since November 2015 and when I began, I trusted Noelle to sort out who to follow. I gather she picked the top 10 bloggers and over the years, a few of my favourites still post with regularity, some have fallen away and a few I unfollowed fairly quickly after I realised their blog was not what I was after.

I mean, I can only deal with so many carefully manicured red nailed fingers smashed into a woman’s well waxed snatch (vagina; not kidding) that I can cope with.

In case you are wondering, my limit for the above was one. One, and done!

Well, I think I also want at the bitching, whinging and moaning ‘he’ was using to complain about how his wife had cheated on him, while he was overseas fighting for his country and maybe, it’s because your wife is bi-polar and you were self-medicating with a S & M lifestyle and when you weren’t there, she looked for another.

Not suggesting any of those things are wrong, just it’s your life and you can choose how you live it. But if it goes sideways, you deal with the consequences.

I have a rule of thumb, if a blog inspires me, I will follow. If I think I can help you in some way to better understand the shit you are dealing with, I will comment. Short and pitchy, in the comments. Because, they wrote the post, it’s not for me to write a blogpost in their comments section.

On a rare occasion, I will email someone for a more in-depth conversation, because I consider that’s the medium for more informative advice.

If someone new likes a blogpost I will go check out their blog, if it interests me, even if they haven’t chosen to follow my blog, I will follow theirs.

Also, I will give them a ‘Like’ to say I’ve visited. I have the rule I don’t follow everyone that chooses to follow me.

I just figure, if you need numbers, it happens organically and it takes time and after a while I check how many followers I have and I’m surprised.

My first blog post, I got followers. I mentioned it to Noelle, my administrator, I was so excited, I went to check out their blog and they had created a profile, but had no contact. Sadly, I’ve never seen them like another post since. But with that first follower, Noelle said the wisest of words ever “Keep writing”.

Now, five hundred posts later, two hundred and forty plus followers later, I’m still chipping away at the past, present end, I’ll get caught up in the end. What I hope for the future.

Today’s Lunch – 31st January 2018

Published January 31, 2018 by helentastic67

Todays lunch 3101

Today’s Lunch

Wednesday’s Good Mental Health Day…

Luckily, I got to be here for a quick lunch yesterday. As once a month I see my GP in this neighbourhood. I was able to scribble down a post and as I’m falling behind in my written posts with still plenty to say.

Visiting Dr

So, yesterday’s lunch was the grilled Mediterranean vegetable quiche with a side salad and my medicine! I keep having the best of intentions to order a salad but they are popular and sold out by the time I arrive.

Quiche

Latte

Ah! Wednesday! Salad! It’s called a brain grain salad. I’ve arrived late today and it’s a bit cooler and schools went back today so it’s a little quieter. Thank God!

Brain Grain

Still got my constant companion, my migraine! Not thrilled. Actually, been getting to bed by 1am the last few nights. This morning I managed to sleep in until 9.30am when my Mepacs rudely woke me! And yet my left eye still hurts!

Migraine

Oh, and today due to time restraints and no young John, I can take whatever salad I don’t eat with me and work on my medicine and this little rum ball.

Rum ball

I will need to include a rum ball recipe because it’s that naughty yummy thing that we grew up making but you don’t make them all the time and yes, you must use rum!

Rum balls

Have a great day!

Happy Wednesday

Cheers,
H

Busy Brain

Published March 3, 2017 by helentastic67

busy-brain-1

Busy Brain

It’s not something I’ve been officially diagnosed with and I’m sure other Mental Health related conditions might experience these symptoms, but in my case my mind is always (for want of a better word) “ON”.

Planning, problem solving, writing, scheduling, busy, busy, busy! Bills to pay, rent due, incoming, outgoing. People I want to see, people I have to see, brain training, appointments that keep me mobile. And I’m very lucky I can do all these things, hear me?

BECAUSE THEY KEEP ME INDEPENDENT!

independent-living

But at the end of the day, I sit on the couch, amongst my ‘In Tray’ and I attempt to catch up on my admin.

Attending to the mail, scheduling when bills are due, when they need to be paid, brain training (OK-pirating) and brain training (word finders, puzzles, list making) and often it’s around 9 pm, I have dinner.

busy-brain-3

And then I settle into email-mode! I know, ridiculous. And then I have to start trying to turn off the busy brain! And that’s why I like to finish the night with a TV show where I don’t touch a remote or my iPad or my phone or anything.

I call it ‘Single-Tasking’.

Impossible being One-Handed…

one-handed